but to kill once. But he could choose to live the rest of his life with honor and integrity, exercising self-control and challenging himself to become stronger.
But if what was missing was something inside him, he didn’t know if he could fix that. Where did a person look to find a piece of himself?
Lorabeth’s first full-time week couldn’t have come at a better time. Ellie had been so tired and her body felt so weighted and achy that she was more than grateful to have her competent young helper close. She didn’t remember this fatigue with her other pregnancies, but Caleb assured her each time was unique and that she had no reason for concern.
She felt positively slothful each time Lorabeth brought a tray to her in bed. Caleb spent as much time at home as possible, and even Ben stopped by nearly every day.
One morning midweek she’d asked Lorabeth to let the girls come play at the foot of the bed and later she read them stories while Lorabeth prepared ahead for the evening meal.
Ellie had just concluded The Ugly Duckling, and Anna was asleep on her shoulder when Ben leaned head and shoulders into her room.
“Is this a bad time?”
Ellie laid down the book. “Of course not. Come in.” She gestured for him to come to the side of the bed.
He pulled the chair close.
“Would you mind laying her down in her own bed?” she asked, indicating the sleeping child.
With a grin at Lillith, her brother gently lifted Anna and carried her, cradled in his arms, from the room.
“You, too, sweet pea,” she told the impish five-year-old. “Lie down for a nap and don’t wake your sister. Kiss.”
Lillith hugged her around the neck, pressing her sweet lips to Ellie’s cheek before scampering from the bed. She nearly collided with Ben in the doorway, and when he hauled up short, she raised her arms for him to carry her, as well. He obliged her, hushing her giggles as he strode from the room.
Minutes later, he returned.
“You look refreshed today,” he told Ellie, sitting beside her and taking her hand.
“I look tired and puffy, and you know it, but I don’t want to talk about me today. Tell me all about your animals.”
“Well, let’s see. I told you I spotted Hoot the other night, didn’t I? And the Olson brothers brought me a frog they think is sick. I’ve never done frog resuscitation before, but I think the little bugger’s gonna live. Oh, and I’ve adopted a goat.”
“Not a goat, Ben.”
“She’s a good companion around the place and she gives milk, so she’s not just another mouth to feed.”
“Companion, huh?”
She smirked and he grinned.
“I suppose you’ve named her?”
“Delilah.”
“You’ve named a goat Delilah.”
“It’s a good name.”
“It’s a fine name, it just doesn’t sound like it belongs to a goat.”
“How many goats have you known?”
She met his pale eyes, and knew he was alluding to something from their past. “A couple, as you well know. Remember the goat Caleb kept when Nate was a baby?”
But that wasn’t the same animal that had come to mind first. As a girl, she’d stolen out in the dark of night more than once to bring milk back to her younger brothers. There was a time when she’d grown a tobacco patch and rolled cigars to sell to the men outside the saloons just so she could pay for a few groceries. She’d stolen chickens from coops and vegetables from gardens, and still there’d never been enough.
“This is a good life,” she said, never forgetting for a moment how fortunate they were.
“I can’t explain what I feel when I look at those youngsters,” Ben said, his voice thick with emotion.
“I know.” He didn’t have to explain. She knew well enough. The differences in their childhoods and those of her children were a universe apart. As far as from where they sat in this room to the outermost star. “The past has to be the past, Ben.”
“It’s where I came from, Ellie.”
“But it’s not who you are.”
“I am
But if what was missing was something inside him, he didn’t know if he could fix that. Where did a person look to find a piece of himself?
Lorabeth’s first full-time week couldn’t have come at a better time. Ellie had been so tired and her body felt so weighted and achy that she was more than grateful to have her competent young helper close. She didn’t remember this fatigue with her other pregnancies, but Caleb assured her each time was unique and that she had no reason for concern.
She felt positively slothful each time Lorabeth brought a tray to her in bed. Caleb spent as much time at home as possible, and even Ben stopped by nearly every day.
One morning midweek she’d asked Lorabeth to let the girls come play at the foot of the bed and later she read them stories while Lorabeth prepared ahead for the evening meal.
Ellie had just concluded The Ugly Duckling, and Anna was asleep on her shoulder when Ben leaned head and shoulders into her room.
“Is this a bad time?”
Ellie laid down the book. “Of course not. Come in.” She gestured for him to come to the side of the bed.
He pulled the chair close.
“Would you mind laying her down in her own bed?” she asked, indicating the sleeping child.
With a grin at Lillith, her brother gently lifted Anna and carried her, cradled in his arms, from the room.
“You, too, sweet pea,” she told the impish five-year-old. “Lie down for a nap and don’t wake your sister. Kiss.”
Lillith hugged her around the neck, pressing her sweet lips to Ellie’s cheek before scampering from the bed. She nearly collided with Ben in the doorway, and when he hauled up short, she raised her arms for him to carry her, as well. He obliged her, hushing her giggles as he strode from the room.
Minutes later, he returned.
“You look refreshed today,” he told Ellie, sitting beside her and taking her hand.
“I look tired and puffy, and you know it, but I don’t want to talk about me today. Tell me all about your animals.”
“Well, let’s see. I told you I spotted Hoot the other night, didn’t I? And the Olson brothers brought me a frog they think is sick. I’ve never done frog resuscitation before, but I think the little bugger’s gonna live. Oh, and I’ve adopted a goat.”
“Not a goat, Ben.”
“She’s a good companion around the place and she gives milk, so she’s not just another mouth to feed.”
“Companion, huh?”
She smirked and he grinned.
“I suppose you’ve named her?”
“Delilah.”
“You’ve named a goat Delilah.”
“It’s a good name.”
“It’s a fine name, it just doesn’t sound like it belongs to a goat.”
“How many goats have you known?”
She met his pale eyes, and knew he was alluding to something from their past. “A couple, as you well know. Remember the goat Caleb kept when Nate was a baby?”
But that wasn’t the same animal that had come to mind first. As a girl, she’d stolen out in the dark of night more than once to bring milk back to her younger brothers. There was a time when she’d grown a tobacco patch and rolled cigars to sell to the men outside the saloons just so she could pay for a few groceries. She’d stolen chickens from coops and vegetables from gardens, and still there’d never been enough.
“This is a good life,” she said, never forgetting for a moment how fortunate they were.
“I can’t explain what I feel when I look at those youngsters,” Ben said, his voice thick with emotion.
“I know.” He didn’t have to explain. She knew well enough. The differences in their childhoods and those of her children were a universe apart. As far as from where they sat in this room to the outermost star. “The past has to be the past, Ben.”
“It’s where I came from, Ellie.”
“But it’s not who you are.”
“I am
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