quirks up in a smile. “I’m not really attracted to you, Sloane. I hope you’re not too disappointed.”
I roll my eyes and look back at James as he drops slowly down each stair. “Did you really hit him?”
“That’s my idea of intervention. Worked, right?”
James is always thinking like that, that if he can distractus long enough we’ll forget how messed up everything is. He’s right. It does work. But will it always? Will he always be able to make us laugh through our tears? I stare at him then, knowing how much I depend on him, on how he makes me feel. His smile fades as if he’s reading the serious expression on my face. Rather than make a joke, he looks at the wooden floor.
“Do you guys want to watch a movie?” Miller asks, sounding more alive than he has all day. “My mom won’t be back until four.”
“Your mom—” James begins.
“Shut up,” Miller and I say at the same time. James chuckles, finally glancing up, looking flawlessly charming. All is well. All is . . . normal.
We go into the living room, wasting an afternoon as if it were any other. But I can’t help stealing looks out the window, constantly checking for the men in white coats.
CHAPTER SIX
FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS, MILLER IS HIMSELF—OR A close enough version of himself. When he’s not drawing in his notepad, he’s staring out the window during class. Lacey must not have turned him in because the handlers haven’t approached him yet. But there is one handler still hanging around, the creepy dark-haired one who side-eyes me. I don’t mention him to James or Miller, worried they’ll start a fight and get into trouble. Instead, I just avoid his gaze, trying not to get too freaked out.
“Miller,” James asks as we walk out on Friday. “Are you sure you don’t want to come camping? It’ll be nice out there—quiet.”
“Naw, man,” Miller answers, taking his baseball cap out of his backpack and adjusting the brim. “I’m just gonna chill at home, play some video games. Maybe stop by the Wellness Center.”
“You should come,” I say. “You’re going to be lonely.”
Miller looks at me as he puts his hat on, a smile on his face. “It’s one night, Sloane. It’ll be fine. Besides, I already know how camping goes with you two.” He motions between James and me. “And no offense, but I’m not really in the mood for your public displays of affection.”
James laughs and moves to put his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Not true,” he says. “We always wait until you’re asleep.”
I laugh and push him off me. But Miller still doesn’t agree to join us, promising that he will next week. I don’t want to leave him behind, but I don’t think I can stay in town, either. I like being out in the woods. I like pretending that there’s no Program.
And so we say good-bye to Miller and climb into James’s dad’s car, heading for the coast.
• • •
When we were younger, Brady and I would go camping together. My brother was an expert outdoorsman, so our parents let us go when I was just twelve and he was thirteen, although they’d come and check on us a few times. And when I was fifteen, they finally let us go on our own, as long as James was there too.
That first night, as I sat next to the fire pit, I watched James put the tent together while Brady was across the site, chopping wood. James had just turned sixteen, and his blond hair had grown out so that he had to swipe at it with the back of his hand. He was such a boy, shirtless and sweating, muscles already cording on his tall frame. And at one point, he looked sideways at me, almost startled to see me sitting there, staring at him.
Then his mouth spread into a grin. “You checking me out, Sloane?”
My face must have gone completely red because he apologized immediately, but I had already gotten up to walk to the spot that overlooked the ocean, unable to answer. He was right. I had been
I roll my eyes and look back at James as he drops slowly down each stair. “Did you really hit him?”
“That’s my idea of intervention. Worked, right?”
James is always thinking like that, that if he can distractus long enough we’ll forget how messed up everything is. He’s right. It does work. But will it always? Will he always be able to make us laugh through our tears? I stare at him then, knowing how much I depend on him, on how he makes me feel. His smile fades as if he’s reading the serious expression on my face. Rather than make a joke, he looks at the wooden floor.
“Do you guys want to watch a movie?” Miller asks, sounding more alive than he has all day. “My mom won’t be back until four.”
“Your mom—” James begins.
“Shut up,” Miller and I say at the same time. James chuckles, finally glancing up, looking flawlessly charming. All is well. All is . . . normal.
We go into the living room, wasting an afternoon as if it were any other. But I can’t help stealing looks out the window, constantly checking for the men in white coats.
CHAPTER SIX
FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS, MILLER IS HIMSELF—OR A close enough version of himself. When he’s not drawing in his notepad, he’s staring out the window during class. Lacey must not have turned him in because the handlers haven’t approached him yet. But there is one handler still hanging around, the creepy dark-haired one who side-eyes me. I don’t mention him to James or Miller, worried they’ll start a fight and get into trouble. Instead, I just avoid his gaze, trying not to get too freaked out.
“Miller,” James asks as we walk out on Friday. “Are you sure you don’t want to come camping? It’ll be nice out there—quiet.”
“Naw, man,” Miller answers, taking his baseball cap out of his backpack and adjusting the brim. “I’m just gonna chill at home, play some video games. Maybe stop by the Wellness Center.”
“You should come,” I say. “You’re going to be lonely.”
Miller looks at me as he puts his hat on, a smile on his face. “It’s one night, Sloane. It’ll be fine. Besides, I already know how camping goes with you two.” He motions between James and me. “And no offense, but I’m not really in the mood for your public displays of affection.”
James laughs and moves to put his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Not true,” he says. “We always wait until you’re asleep.”
I laugh and push him off me. But Miller still doesn’t agree to join us, promising that he will next week. I don’t want to leave him behind, but I don’t think I can stay in town, either. I like being out in the woods. I like pretending that there’s no Program.
And so we say good-bye to Miller and climb into James’s dad’s car, heading for the coast.
• • •
When we were younger, Brady and I would go camping together. My brother was an expert outdoorsman, so our parents let us go when I was just twelve and he was thirteen, although they’d come and check on us a few times. And when I was fifteen, they finally let us go on our own, as long as James was there too.
That first night, as I sat next to the fire pit, I watched James put the tent together while Brady was across the site, chopping wood. James had just turned sixteen, and his blond hair had grown out so that he had to swipe at it with the back of his hand. He was such a boy, shirtless and sweating, muscles already cording on his tall frame. And at one point, he looked sideways at me, almost startled to see me sitting there, staring at him.
Then his mouth spread into a grin. “You checking me out, Sloane?”
My face must have gone completely red because he apologized immediately, but I had already gotten up to walk to the spot that overlooked the ocean, unable to answer. He was right. I had been
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