The Pursuit of Happiness (2001) by Douglas Kennedy
Authors: Douglas Kennedy
Tags: Douglas Kennedy
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added the boiling water and pushed down the plunger. I poured out a large mug. I drank it down quickly. I poured out another cup. After one more charring gulp of coffee (I have an asbestos mouth), and a quick glance at my watch (7.12 a.m.), I decided I could face calling Matt’s place.
‘H… e… l… l… o…?’
The voice at the end of the line sounded half awake, and female. Her.
‘Uh, hi …’ I said, stumbling badly. ‘Is, uh, Ethan there?’
‘Ethan? Who’s Ethan?’
‘Who do you think Ethan is?’
That woke her up. ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry. Ethan. Of course I know who …’
‘Could I speak with him?’
‘Is he still here?’ she asked.
‘Well, I don’t really know the answer to that question,’ I said, ‘because I’m not there.’
She now sounded totally flustered. ‘I’ll just see if … Is that you, Kate?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Hey, I was going to write you … but now that you’re here, like, I just wanted to say …’
Cut to the chase, dufus.
‘Like … I was real, real sorry to hear about your mom.’
‘Thank you.’
‘And, well, uh, if there’s anything I can do …’
‘Just put Ethan on, please.’
‘Uh … sure.’
I could hear Her whispering in the background. Then Matt picked up the phone.
‘Hi there, Kate. I was just wondering how the rest of yesterday went.’
‘Terrific. I haven’t had such fun in years.’
‘You know what I mean.’
I took another sip of coffee. ‘I got through it. Can I speak with Ethan now, please?’
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘He’s right here.’
I heard Matt pass the phone over to him.
‘Sweetheart, you there?’ I asked.
‘Hi, Mom,’ Ethan said, sounding half awake. My heart immediately lifted. Ethan, for me, is instant Prozac.
‘How are you doing, big guy?’
‘The IMAX movie was cool. These people were climbing a mountain, and then it started to snow, and they got into trouble.’
‘What was the name of the mountain they were climbing?’
‘I forget.’
I laughed.
‘And after the movie, we went to the toy shop.’
Figures.
‘What did Daddy get you?’
‘A Power Rangers CD-Rom.’
Great.
‘And a Lego spaceship. Then we went to the television station -‘
Wonderful. Just what I needed to hear.
‘- and Blair was there. And she brought me and Dad into the room where they talk to the cameras. And we watched her on television.’
‘Sounds like a terrific afternoon.’
‘Blair was real cool. Then we all went out to a restaurant afterwards. The one in the World Trade Center. You could see all the city at night. And this helicopter came by. And a lot of people came to our table to ask Blair for her autograph …’
‘You missing me, sweetheart … ?’ I blurted out.
‘Yeah, sure, Mom,’ he said, sounding deflated. I suddenly felt like a needy idiot.
‘I love you, Ethan.’
‘Bye, Mom,’ he said and hung up.
Jerk, jerk, jerk. You should never expect a child to make you feel wanted.
I stood by the phone for several minutes, willing myself not to break down again (I had done enough of that in the last twenty-four hours). When I felt myself under control again, I refilled my mug of coffee, walked out into the living room, and flopped down on the big cushy sofa - the last major domestic purchase that Matt and I made before his dramatic exit.
But he hasn’t really vanished from my life. That’s part of the problem. If we didn’t have Ethan, the breakup would have been far easier. Because - after the initial period of shock, anger, grief, and mourning - I could have at least taken solace in the fact that I would never have to see the guy again.
But Ethan means that, like it or not, we must continue to interact, co-exist, acknowledge each other’s presence (take your pick). As Matt said during that pre-divorce horse-trading process known as ‘mediation’: ‘For everyone’s sake, we really have to establish a little detente between us.’ By and large, this detente has been achieved.
‘H… e… l… l… o…?’
The voice at the end of the line sounded half awake, and female. Her.
‘Uh, hi …’ I said, stumbling badly. ‘Is, uh, Ethan there?’
‘Ethan? Who’s Ethan?’
‘Who do you think Ethan is?’
That woke her up. ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry. Ethan. Of course I know who …’
‘Could I speak with him?’
‘Is he still here?’ she asked.
‘Well, I don’t really know the answer to that question,’ I said, ‘because I’m not there.’
She now sounded totally flustered. ‘I’ll just see if … Is that you, Kate?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Hey, I was going to write you … but now that you’re here, like, I just wanted to say …’
Cut to the chase, dufus.
‘Like … I was real, real sorry to hear about your mom.’
‘Thank you.’
‘And, well, uh, if there’s anything I can do …’
‘Just put Ethan on, please.’
‘Uh … sure.’
I could hear Her whispering in the background. Then Matt picked up the phone.
‘Hi there, Kate. I was just wondering how the rest of yesterday went.’
‘Terrific. I haven’t had such fun in years.’
‘You know what I mean.’
I took another sip of coffee. ‘I got through it. Can I speak with Ethan now, please?’
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘He’s right here.’
I heard Matt pass the phone over to him.
‘Sweetheart, you there?’ I asked.
‘Hi, Mom,’ Ethan said, sounding half awake. My heart immediately lifted. Ethan, for me, is instant Prozac.
‘How are you doing, big guy?’
‘The IMAX movie was cool. These people were climbing a mountain, and then it started to snow, and they got into trouble.’
‘What was the name of the mountain they were climbing?’
‘I forget.’
I laughed.
‘And after the movie, we went to the toy shop.’
Figures.
‘What did Daddy get you?’
‘A Power Rangers CD-Rom.’
Great.
‘And a Lego spaceship. Then we went to the television station -‘
Wonderful. Just what I needed to hear.
‘- and Blair was there. And she brought me and Dad into the room where they talk to the cameras. And we watched her on television.’
‘Sounds like a terrific afternoon.’
‘Blair was real cool. Then we all went out to a restaurant afterwards. The one in the World Trade Center. You could see all the city at night. And this helicopter came by. And a lot of people came to our table to ask Blair for her autograph …’
‘You missing me, sweetheart … ?’ I blurted out.
‘Yeah, sure, Mom,’ he said, sounding deflated. I suddenly felt like a needy idiot.
‘I love you, Ethan.’
‘Bye, Mom,’ he said and hung up.
Jerk, jerk, jerk. You should never expect a child to make you feel wanted.
I stood by the phone for several minutes, willing myself not to break down again (I had done enough of that in the last twenty-four hours). When I felt myself under control again, I refilled my mug of coffee, walked out into the living room, and flopped down on the big cushy sofa - the last major domestic purchase that Matt and I made before his dramatic exit.
But he hasn’t really vanished from my life. That’s part of the problem. If we didn’t have Ethan, the breakup would have been far easier. Because - after the initial period of shock, anger, grief, and mourning - I could have at least taken solace in the fact that I would never have to see the guy again.
But Ethan means that, like it or not, we must continue to interact, co-exist, acknowledge each other’s presence (take your pick). As Matt said during that pre-divorce horse-trading process known as ‘mediation’: ‘For everyone’s sake, we really have to establish a little detente between us.’ By and large, this detente has been achieved.
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