trestle table looked up at her and smiled.
‘Beg your pardon, mister, which way to Wild Street?’
‘Wild Street? You’d be best carrying straight on for a while, young miss, up the Strand till you get to Drury Lane. Past the Nag’s Head and the theatre. Look out for Wilkins Dairy. If I remember rightly, s’on the corner of Wild Street.’
‘Ta very much, mister,’ said Queenie.
‘Anything to assist a pretty young lady,’ said the shopkeeper with a wink.
Queenie looked at his eager face and stained overcoat and her head filled with a hot anger. ‘Go hang yerself, you dirty dog!’ she shouted over her shoulder as she walked off with her head held high.
14
Ellen
‘What is it, miss? What has happened?’ cried Mary as I ran into my bedroom and threw myself on the bed. ‘Are you ill? Let me see your face. Let me see.’ She pulled at my shoulder and I turned over and lay on my back. ‘Oh, miss. You are not well.’ She felt my forehead. ‘You are so flushed. How do you feel?’
I burst into laughter. ‘I feel wonderful, Mary. I have never felt so happy!’ I thought of Jacob’s eyes looking at me and the feel of his hand on my face. I could still smell his warm lemon scent. I jumped from the bed and ran over to the mirror. I hardly recognised the face that looked back at me. Tendrils of hair had escaped from their fastenings and were curled around my face. My eyes were wide and bright and my cheeks were indeed flushed a delicate pink. I
am
beautiful, I thought. I put my hand to my face where Jacob had touched me.
Everything around me seemed changed. There was colour where there did not used to be. Mary’s apron was a startling white, the blue of the walls glowed bright, and the hangings on my bed shone rich reds and yellows. Even the silver of my brush on the dressing table sparkled.
Mary was watching me with a bemused look on her face. ‘So, tea with Jacob went well?’
I smiled at her. I wanted to tell her how Jacob had looked at me. How he had held my face in his hand. The moment had been so beautiful it felt fragile. I decided to keep it to myself for now; to keep it safely wrapped up, like a precious gift.
‘Yes, Mary. It went well.’ I sighed and pulled at the loose strands of my hair. ‘You can leave that for now.’ I nodded towards the pile of linen that Mary was sorting through and turned back to my reflection in the mirror. ‘But come back later and fix my hair before dinner.’
‘As you please, miss,’ she said, walking towards the door. ‘If you’re sure you are feeling well?’
‘Quite well, thank you,’ I replied. ‘Oh, Mary, it is so good to have him here, is it not?’
Mary’s reply was lost as she closed my bedroom door behind her.
One of Father’s colleagues joined us for dinner that evening. He was a fair-haired young man with pleasant eyes who seemed uncomfortable in his stiff suit and starched collar. Usually I would have studied him with interest, being so unused to outside company. But apart from his annoying habit of pulling at the end of his nose at frequent intervals, he left no impression on me.
Jacob was concentrating on his meal and barely looked up from his plate. I caught his eye only once, when he lifted his head to nod thanks to Mary for refilling his glass. The expected smile in my direction never came and heavy disappointment took away the little appetite I had. He is just being discreet, I told myself. A real gentleman would never allude to our earlier intimacy. I tried to eat a little potato, but it seemed to fill my whole mouth and I had to force it down with a sip of wine.
I hoped that the visitor would occupy Father in the drawing room and Jacob would be left free to sit by me and maybe pass me pins as I sewed. But he stayed close to Father and our guest, even though he did not join in their conversation. He seemed intent on keeping his back to me and I began to wonder if I’d imagined our exchange in the library. There was no need for him
‘Beg your pardon, mister, which way to Wild Street?’
‘Wild Street? You’d be best carrying straight on for a while, young miss, up the Strand till you get to Drury Lane. Past the Nag’s Head and the theatre. Look out for Wilkins Dairy. If I remember rightly, s’on the corner of Wild Street.’
‘Ta very much, mister,’ said Queenie.
‘Anything to assist a pretty young lady,’ said the shopkeeper with a wink.
Queenie looked at his eager face and stained overcoat and her head filled with a hot anger. ‘Go hang yerself, you dirty dog!’ she shouted over her shoulder as she walked off with her head held high.
14
Ellen
‘What is it, miss? What has happened?’ cried Mary as I ran into my bedroom and threw myself on the bed. ‘Are you ill? Let me see your face. Let me see.’ She pulled at my shoulder and I turned over and lay on my back. ‘Oh, miss. You are not well.’ She felt my forehead. ‘You are so flushed. How do you feel?’
I burst into laughter. ‘I feel wonderful, Mary. I have never felt so happy!’ I thought of Jacob’s eyes looking at me and the feel of his hand on my face. I could still smell his warm lemon scent. I jumped from the bed and ran over to the mirror. I hardly recognised the face that looked back at me. Tendrils of hair had escaped from their fastenings and were curled around my face. My eyes were wide and bright and my cheeks were indeed flushed a delicate pink. I
am
beautiful, I thought. I put my hand to my face where Jacob had touched me.
Everything around me seemed changed. There was colour where there did not used to be. Mary’s apron was a startling white, the blue of the walls glowed bright, and the hangings on my bed shone rich reds and yellows. Even the silver of my brush on the dressing table sparkled.
Mary was watching me with a bemused look on her face. ‘So, tea with Jacob went well?’
I smiled at her. I wanted to tell her how Jacob had looked at me. How he had held my face in his hand. The moment had been so beautiful it felt fragile. I decided to keep it to myself for now; to keep it safely wrapped up, like a precious gift.
‘Yes, Mary. It went well.’ I sighed and pulled at the loose strands of my hair. ‘You can leave that for now.’ I nodded towards the pile of linen that Mary was sorting through and turned back to my reflection in the mirror. ‘But come back later and fix my hair before dinner.’
‘As you please, miss,’ she said, walking towards the door. ‘If you’re sure you are feeling well?’
‘Quite well, thank you,’ I replied. ‘Oh, Mary, it is so good to have him here, is it not?’
Mary’s reply was lost as she closed my bedroom door behind her.
One of Father’s colleagues joined us for dinner that evening. He was a fair-haired young man with pleasant eyes who seemed uncomfortable in his stiff suit and starched collar. Usually I would have studied him with interest, being so unused to outside company. But apart from his annoying habit of pulling at the end of his nose at frequent intervals, he left no impression on me.
Jacob was concentrating on his meal and barely looked up from his plate. I caught his eye only once, when he lifted his head to nod thanks to Mary for refilling his glass. The expected smile in my direction never came and heavy disappointment took away the little appetite I had. He is just being discreet, I told myself. A real gentleman would never allude to our earlier intimacy. I tried to eat a little potato, but it seemed to fill my whole mouth and I had to force it down with a sip of wine.
I hoped that the visitor would occupy Father in the drawing room and Jacob would be left free to sit by me and maybe pass me pins as I sewed. But he stayed close to Father and our guest, even though he did not join in their conversation. He seemed intent on keeping his back to me and I began to wonder if I’d imagined our exchange in the library. There was no need for him
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