scrap has a number of problems to contend with,’ he said as they walked into the department. ‘He isn’t feeding well, his breathing is rapid and there’s a bluish colour around his mouth and nose. I’ve done a chest X-ray and I suspect that he’s developing congestive heart failure.’
Phoebe gave a shuddery sigh as she passed by the reception desk. ‘It doesn’t sound good at all, does it? I’ll go and take a look at him and transfer him to the neonatal unit. I imagine I’ll have to put in a call to Mr Kirk for him to come and do a consultation.’
‘Yes, that’s what I was thinking.’ He sent her a quick glance. ‘Is something wrong? You look very pale all of a sudden.’
‘I’m all right.’ She stiffened her shoulders. ‘I just have to brace myself to deal with these things. It’s just that I find these kinds of cases particularly hard as I first witnessed it with my sister’s little girl, Emily, and since then I’m always afraid that things are not going to turn out well for children with these kinds of problems. I remember the heartache we all went through with Emily when she was a baby, and I’m not sure how I would cope if things were to go badly for any child in my care. That’s why I wasn’t happy about this particular rotation, even though I didn’t have any real choice but to do it.’
‘You hadn’t done any medical training when Emily was going through all her initial problems,’ he said, frowning. ‘You were bound to feel apprehensive andupset. You didn’t do anything wrong—you just did the best that you could at the time.’
Phoebe shook her head. ‘But my best wasn’t good enough. I still remember the panic I felt when my sister came to me and told me how ill the baby was. I didn’t know what to do, and I felt useless. She was looking to me to help her, and I should have been able to do something.’
‘As I heard it, you gave the baby chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth while you were waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I don’t see that you could have done any more in the circumstances.’ He came to a halt by the computer bay where doctors usually sat to write up their notes.
Phoebe glanced around distractedly. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. It still doesn’t sit easily with me. This is my family that we’re talking about. They mean the world to me and I felt as though I let them down.’
His glance travelled over her. ‘You did more than could have been expected. Your sister told me all about it some time later when she brought Emily to London for a hospital consultation. She said she had been scared back then because she had no idea what to do. She was the older sister, but she turned to you because you were always so capable in a crisis.’
‘All I do recall is that Emily went into convulsions in the ambulance and I couldn’t do anything but look on and pray that she would survive.’ Phoebe grimaced. ‘I think it must have been the worst moment of my life.’
He reached for her hand and held it between his palms. ‘Wasn’t it also the factor that made you decide to take up medicine as a career?’
‘I suppose so.’ She wriggled and tried to move back a pace, but he was not about to let her go. His hold on her was gentle but firm, and as he moved closer to her she knew that somehow she had to break away from him before she became wrapped up in the nebulous, enticing security blanket he was busy weaving around her.
‘Of course it was. You made up your mind that you just had to go out of your way to look after people.’ He smiled into her eyes. ‘That’s what makes you so lovable.’
Lovable? She gazed up at him, her eyes widening. Why had he used that word out of all the ones he might have chosen? It didn’t mean anything, though, did it? It was just a casual phrase, dropped into the melting pot of her confused emotions. Why was she even giving it a second thought?
She looked down at the hands that clasped hers. They were warm and protective,
Phoebe gave a shuddery sigh as she passed by the reception desk. ‘It doesn’t sound good at all, does it? I’ll go and take a look at him and transfer him to the neonatal unit. I imagine I’ll have to put in a call to Mr Kirk for him to come and do a consultation.’
‘Yes, that’s what I was thinking.’ He sent her a quick glance. ‘Is something wrong? You look very pale all of a sudden.’
‘I’m all right.’ She stiffened her shoulders. ‘I just have to brace myself to deal with these things. It’s just that I find these kinds of cases particularly hard as I first witnessed it with my sister’s little girl, Emily, and since then I’m always afraid that things are not going to turn out well for children with these kinds of problems. I remember the heartache we all went through with Emily when she was a baby, and I’m not sure how I would cope if things were to go badly for any child in my care. That’s why I wasn’t happy about this particular rotation, even though I didn’t have any real choice but to do it.’
‘You hadn’t done any medical training when Emily was going through all her initial problems,’ he said, frowning. ‘You were bound to feel apprehensive andupset. You didn’t do anything wrong—you just did the best that you could at the time.’
Phoebe shook her head. ‘But my best wasn’t good enough. I still remember the panic I felt when my sister came to me and told me how ill the baby was. I didn’t know what to do, and I felt useless. She was looking to me to help her, and I should have been able to do something.’
‘As I heard it, you gave the baby chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth while you were waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I don’t see that you could have done any more in the circumstances.’ He came to a halt by the computer bay where doctors usually sat to write up their notes.
Phoebe glanced around distractedly. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. It still doesn’t sit easily with me. This is my family that we’re talking about. They mean the world to me and I felt as though I let them down.’
His glance travelled over her. ‘You did more than could have been expected. Your sister told me all about it some time later when she brought Emily to London for a hospital consultation. She said she had been scared back then because she had no idea what to do. She was the older sister, but she turned to you because you were always so capable in a crisis.’
‘All I do recall is that Emily went into convulsions in the ambulance and I couldn’t do anything but look on and pray that she would survive.’ Phoebe grimaced. ‘I think it must have been the worst moment of my life.’
He reached for her hand and held it between his palms. ‘Wasn’t it also the factor that made you decide to take up medicine as a career?’
‘I suppose so.’ She wriggled and tried to move back a pace, but he was not about to let her go. His hold on her was gentle but firm, and as he moved closer to her she knew that somehow she had to break away from him before she became wrapped up in the nebulous, enticing security blanket he was busy weaving around her.
‘Of course it was. You made up your mind that you just had to go out of your way to look after people.’ He smiled into her eyes. ‘That’s what makes you so lovable.’
Lovable? She gazed up at him, her eyes widening. Why had he used that word out of all the ones he might have chosen? It didn’t mean anything, though, did it? It was just a casual phrase, dropped into the melting pot of her confused emotions. Why was she even giving it a second thought?
She looked down at the hands that clasped hers. They were warm and protective,
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