I’m sorry,” she said, resting her forehead against his shoulder because she needed to escape his gaze.
“ I am, too.” The hand on her neck rubbed down her back in a soothing gesture, but the embrace was tinged with sexual desire and his touch, though gentle, also aroused.
It was uncomfortable because, in her mind, she had thought they ’d resolve their issues and then move back to being lovers. But her body, it seemed, had other ideas. She had missed sex with him. Had resigned herself to spending the rest of her days alone.
Alone.
She realized that she was getting closer to figuring out why she’d run, but standing in Monty’s arms, closer than she had when she’d been hiding and pretending she wasn’t, she wasn’t sure how to move on, now that she was alone. Her parents had been only children and her extended family was nonexistent. Without them, she had nothing.
And a part of her had no idea how to move forward like this. She also admitted that she didn’t want to be happy if they weren’t here. How could she celebrate joy when her parents were gone?
“ You’ve stiffened up,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“ I just realized what I was running from,” she said.
“ You did?”
“ Yeah. It’s not pretty. In fact, it makes me feel small and childish.”
“ Given that your folks are dead, I’m not surprised. Whenever I visit my dad and he’s having one of his episodes where he can’t remember me, I…well, I feel very small and young and afraid.”
She hugged him close because she hadn ’t even thought to ask after his father, and it made her realize how selfish this entire act of leaving Las Vegas had been. She’d done it for herself because she was scared, and though she’d told herself it was better for Monty to hurt him a little now, she realized she’d never really thought about him or his feelings.
She ’d run for herself.
“ I’m sorry.”
“ Stop saying that,”
But a part of her wondered if she ’d ever find the strength to mean it and he’d ever find the heart to forgive her.
Holding Risa in his arms filled the emptiness that was inside him and he wished he ’d never have to let her go. But talking about his father and her fears made him realize he wasn’t the same man who’d asked her to marry him. He was haunted by dreams of Afghanistan and tortured by guilt where his best friend was concerned.
He needed to be the one who was okay. The one who was holding everything together for her. And he wasn’t sure he could be. Right now, of course, it was easy to be that guy. But in the middle of the night he knew that he’d be awake and in a cold sweat.
Some hero.
He wanted to be Risa’s hero. Needed to be the man who could protect her, but he’d already proved that wanting to save someone wasn’t the same thing as actually doing it.
He let his arms fall away and looked down into her face. In his mind, when he’d asked her to marry him, he’d made promises to himself about the kind of husband he’d be. No drinking the nights away like his old man had done. No working at a job he hated and trapping his family in that endless cycle. Could he still keep them?
“ Honey bunny, you are making me regret I ever left Vegas,” she said at last.
He ’d moved on from dwelling on his own fears and he knew he had to be here, in the present with Risa, instead of in the heat of the desert where danger lurked around every corner. “Good. That’s what I wanted you to do.”
He dropped his arms and stepped back. He could hear the band warning this would be the last dance and he was ready to go home. As much as he wanted to take Risa back to the red barn and make love to her, he knew they weren’t ready.
“ Are you going to leave me now? It’d be the perfect revenge.”
Wouldn ’t it, though. Except it would be too much like cutting out his own heart, and he wasn’t into self-harm. “Nice opinion you have of me.”
It made him realize how much work they
“ I am, too.” The hand on her neck rubbed down her back in a soothing gesture, but the embrace was tinged with sexual desire and his touch, though gentle, also aroused.
It was uncomfortable because, in her mind, she had thought they ’d resolve their issues and then move back to being lovers. But her body, it seemed, had other ideas. She had missed sex with him. Had resigned herself to spending the rest of her days alone.
Alone.
She realized that she was getting closer to figuring out why she’d run, but standing in Monty’s arms, closer than she had when she’d been hiding and pretending she wasn’t, she wasn’t sure how to move on, now that she was alone. Her parents had been only children and her extended family was nonexistent. Without them, she had nothing.
And a part of her had no idea how to move forward like this. She also admitted that she didn’t want to be happy if they weren’t here. How could she celebrate joy when her parents were gone?
“ You’ve stiffened up,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“ I just realized what I was running from,” she said.
“ You did?”
“ Yeah. It’s not pretty. In fact, it makes me feel small and childish.”
“ Given that your folks are dead, I’m not surprised. Whenever I visit my dad and he’s having one of his episodes where he can’t remember me, I…well, I feel very small and young and afraid.”
She hugged him close because she hadn ’t even thought to ask after his father, and it made her realize how selfish this entire act of leaving Las Vegas had been. She’d done it for herself because she was scared, and though she’d told herself it was better for Monty to hurt him a little now, she realized she’d never really thought about him or his feelings.
She ’d run for herself.
“ I’m sorry.”
“ Stop saying that,”
But a part of her wondered if she ’d ever find the strength to mean it and he’d ever find the heart to forgive her.
Holding Risa in his arms filled the emptiness that was inside him and he wished he ’d never have to let her go. But talking about his father and her fears made him realize he wasn’t the same man who’d asked her to marry him. He was haunted by dreams of Afghanistan and tortured by guilt where his best friend was concerned.
He needed to be the one who was okay. The one who was holding everything together for her. And he wasn’t sure he could be. Right now, of course, it was easy to be that guy. But in the middle of the night he knew that he’d be awake and in a cold sweat.
Some hero.
He wanted to be Risa’s hero. Needed to be the man who could protect her, but he’d already proved that wanting to save someone wasn’t the same thing as actually doing it.
He let his arms fall away and looked down into her face. In his mind, when he’d asked her to marry him, he’d made promises to himself about the kind of husband he’d be. No drinking the nights away like his old man had done. No working at a job he hated and trapping his family in that endless cycle. Could he still keep them?
“ Honey bunny, you are making me regret I ever left Vegas,” she said at last.
He ’d moved on from dwelling on his own fears and he knew he had to be here, in the present with Risa, instead of in the heat of the desert where danger lurked around every corner. “Good. That’s what I wanted you to do.”
He dropped his arms and stepped back. He could hear the band warning this would be the last dance and he was ready to go home. As much as he wanted to take Risa back to the red barn and make love to her, he knew they weren’t ready.
“ Are you going to leave me now? It’d be the perfect revenge.”
Wouldn ’t it, though. Except it would be too much like cutting out his own heart, and he wasn’t into self-harm. “Nice opinion you have of me.”
It made him realize how much work they
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