Kate would go to live in Amirâs barren country and bend herself to his ways. And no oil-lit tents either, she admonished herself, no Arabian Nights. Theyâd live in a tiny apartment over an asphalt bazaar. Passion would have to suffice.
âI see what you mean, Pop,â Audie said, staring out the window.
âI donât,â Ma said. âIâd say expression was the force of the will, if I was asked. Iâd say Kate should write symphonies of her own.â
Operas, Kate thought, everything. What a lush world! When a flock of blackbirds scattered and regrouped overhead, she felt sure they were hearing Haydn too.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Without furniture the living room had a brute, medieval look: the beams were tree trunks again, and the fireplace was big enough to roast a foe. The piano, a concert grand that had materialized after Pop made a killing in July wheat and Ma made a breakfast of Moët & Chandon, stood alone on the blue rug as if it had set off to sea. Kate started the sonata again. Then again. And another time. This was dedication, a rational art and a noble one. She sat back to think how noble, and pictured a conservatory: the slim, pointed window of the practice room, the weary delirium after hours of work, toast and tea and Lives of the Composers back at the dorm. This was expression: playing the music, you could feel the life of the composer. You saw the women walking under his window, heard their laughter and guessed their hearts, too.
Ma had shooed them all out of the kitchen so she could talk to Pop. They had so many catastrophes! Last week the washing machine had overflowed: back they had stumbled as the sudsy flood advanced, bearing brassieres like bloated corpses on its crest. There had been no clean clothes, not a rag, until the girls, wrapped in tablecloths like saris, had waded into the brook and pounded the laundry on stones. They were equal to any disaster, Ma told them. She told Pop he had left them at the mercy of the tides.
âGasket must have gone,â Pop said. âI didnât realize it was that old.â
âOf course not,â Ma said. Her voice was turning, and Kate at the piano girded herself as a passenger will press an imaginary brake. âYou werenât here. â
âI canât be two places at once,â he said, petulant as Chucky.
âSo hide your head in mommyâs apron,â Ma said, âor under it.â
âDonât be vulgar, Lila.â
âVulgar?â She sounded as if heâd named her place of birth. â Why not? Vulgar, thatâs what I am, vile and stinking with no clean clothes, unlike the Great Mother Vanderwald, Our Lady of the Suburbs with her ice-blue eyes and her crystal cunt.â
Here was a word Kate had never heard her mother speak, and she closed the piano lid and escaped upstairs. If she were braver, she knew, she would have gone to her parentsâ aid. âNow youâve lost track of the problem,â sheâd say, pulling out chairs so they could sit and listen. âThe problem is she misses you, Pop. Sheâs afraid you donât love her.â Sheâd be very stern with him: âYou cannot substitute facts for truths,â sheâd tell Pop. âNobodyâs asking you to be in two places at once.â And she would remind Ma that Pop was afraid of her and she ought to be nicer to him.
ââTis I,â she said, vamping in the doorway of her parentsâ bedroom, where Audie and Chuck were watching TV, âthe lovely one.â She plunked herself down with them on the quilt.
âHaving a little talk down there, are they?â Audie said, but as they turned their smiles together, they heard Ma coming up.
âYou were delivered with ice tongs! The worldâs first test-tube baby, bloodless product of Vanderwald Laboratoriesâ¦â She went past them to the mirror and tore the pins from her hair while Pop stayed at
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