The Rosie Effect by Graeme Simsion

impress her friends. My brain is highly efficient at cocktail searching based on ingredients, but is also good at finding unusual patterns. The two occupations and the personal description combined to produce a match without conscious effort.
    A two-faced cheater.
    I was about to announce my solution when I realised that there might be a problem—one that placed me in danger of violating my legal and moral duty as the holder of a New York State Liquor Authority Alcohol Training Awareness Program Certificate. I took remedial action.
    ‘I recommend a virgin colada.’
    ‘What’s that supposed to mean? That I’m a virgin?’
    ‘Definitely not.’ Everybody laughed. I elaborated. ‘It’s like a pina colada but non-alcoholic.’
    ‘Non-alcoholic. What’s that supposed to mean?’
    The conversation was becoming unnecessarily complicated. It was easiest to get to the point. ‘Are you pregnant?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Pregnant women should not drink alcohol. If you’re only overweight, I can serve you an alcoholic cocktail, but I require clarification.’
    As I rode the subway home at 9.52 p.m., I reflected on whether my judgement had been affected by the Rosie situation. I had never suspected a client of being pregnant before. Perhaps she was merely overweight. Should I have interfered with a stranger’s decision to drink alcohol in a country that valued individual autonomy and responsibility so highly?
    I made a mental list of the problems that had accumulated in the past fifty-two hours and which now required urgent resolution:
1. Modification of my schedule to accommodate twice-daily beer inspections.
2. The Gene Accommodation Problem.
3. The Jerome Laundry Problem, which had now escalated.
4. The threat of eviction due to (3).
5. Accommodating a baby in our small apartment.
6. Paying our rent and other bills now that Rosie and I had both lost our part-time jobs as a result of my actions.
7. How to reveal (6) to Rosie without causing stress and associated toxic effects of cortisol.
8. Risk of recurrence of the meltdown and fatal damage to my relationship with Rosie as a result of all of the above.
    Problem-solving requires time. But time was limited. The beer was due to arrive within twenty-four hours, thesuperintendent would probably accost me by tomorrow evening and Jerome could attempt an act of revenge at any time. Gene was about to arrive and Bud was only thirty-five weeks away. What I required was a means of cutting the Gordian knot: a single action that would solve most or all of the problems at once.
    I arrived home to find Rosie asleep, and decided to consume some alcohol to encourage creative thinking. As I reshuffled the contents of the fridge to access the beer, the answer came to me. The fridge! We would get a bigger fridge, and all other problems would be solved.
    I phoned George.

6
    It is generally accepted that people enjoy surprises: hence the traditions associated with Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries. In my experience, most of the pleasure accrues to the giver. The victim is frequently under pressure to feign, at short notice, a positive response to an unwanted object or unscheduled event.
    Rosie insisted on observing the gift-giving traditions, but she had been remarkably perceptive in her choices. Colleagues had already commented positively on the shoes that Rosie had given me for my forty-first birthday ten days earlier and which I now wore to work in place of expired running shoes.
    Rosie claimed to enjoy surprises, to the extent of saying ‘surprise me’ when I sought her advice on which play or concert or restaurant to book. Now I was planning a surprisethat would exceed all previous instances, with the exception of the revelation of her biological father’s identity and the offer of an engagement ring.
    It is considered acceptable to engage in temporary deception in support of a surprise.
    ‘You coming, Don?’ said Rosie as she departed the following morning. Although Rosie was