struggling to figure out what to say. When he finally spoke, it startled me. “I still can’t believe this. I mean, I’ve known your parents forever and I think of them as . . .” His voice trailed off.
He took my hand. “Talk to me, Sam. Say something. Anything.” I looked up at Colin, his warm brown eyes so full of care and concern.
“I can’t deal with this, Colin. I just can’t.” I snuggled into his chest again. “I know this happens to other people, but I don’t know how they go on.”
“You need to give yourself time. A lot of time. And you have to let me help. And let Dave help. And Allie. We’ll all be here for you.”
I didn’t respond.
“I know you, Sam. And I know you’re gonna try to act like you’re fine when you’re really not. You’ll try to push us away. You always do that when people try to help. Like you’re so strong and don’t need anyone.”
“That’s not true. When I . . .”
“It is true. And I know that you don’t like people seeing you sad or angry. Like we’re not gonna stick around if you show us that side of you. But you’re wrong. We’ll still be here, even if you’re screaming at us. You know that, right?”
I didn’t know that. And I didn’t believe it. Even when people said that, I still didn’t trust that it was true. I don’t know why. For some reason I always had this idea that negative emotions should be hidden. After all, who wants to be around people who are sad or angry?
“Can we just not talk right now?”
“Sure,” he hugged me closer.
“You can watch TV if you want.” I turned on the TV and repositioned myself in Colin’s arms. I gave him the remote and fell asleep.
I woke up to find Colin sitting in the chair next to me and talking quietly on his cell phone.
“Just go without me! I told you I’m not leaving her.” He noticed I was waking up. He got up and walked to the kitchen so I couldn’t hear. “Well, you’re an insensitive jerk! No. Not tonight. Stop calling and texting me. I’ll see you on Monday.”
He walked back to the sofa and sat next to me. “Hey, you’re up. Can I get you something? Some lunch maybe? Well, I guess it’s almost dinner time.”
“I’m not hungry,” I said. “Who was that on the phone?”
“Shawn. Remember how I was supposed to go out with him and the guys tonight? Shawn’s car broke down last week, so I told him I would drive. But that was before all this. He can get a ride with someone else.”
“Colin, just go. You’ve already been here for hours.”
“I’m not leaving you here all alone. Besides, I don’t want to go out with them. I spent plenty of time with those guys during football season.”
That was true. Football was king at our school. The coach kept his players so busy during the season that I hardly saw Colin. And every weekend the team partied at different houses. I went to one of the football parties and hated it. The cheerleaders hung on the players like they were gods, practically begging them for sex.
I guess I should have been jealous that Colin got so much attention from other girls, but I always felt like I could trust him. Shawn was another story. He constantly tried to get his teammates to do stupid stuff, like break into the school late at night or TP the principal’s car.
Thinking of Shawn made me accept Colin’s offer. “Okay, stay. But I won’t be good company.”
“You’re always good company,” he said, kissing my forehead. “And I’m gonna be here a lot now, so you better get used to it. Oh, while you were asleep, Allie called. When she told her parents what happened, they decided to come home early from the ski trip. They’ll be back tonight.”
“They didn’t need to do that.”
“They wanted to, Sam.”
“Well, I’m not ready to see her right now.”
“That’s fine, but she’ll be here if you need her. And your boss called. He said not to worry about work. Jess and Will volunteered to cover all your shifts.
He took my hand. “Talk to me, Sam. Say something. Anything.” I looked up at Colin, his warm brown eyes so full of care and concern.
“I can’t deal with this, Colin. I just can’t.” I snuggled into his chest again. “I know this happens to other people, but I don’t know how they go on.”
“You need to give yourself time. A lot of time. And you have to let me help. And let Dave help. And Allie. We’ll all be here for you.”
I didn’t respond.
“I know you, Sam. And I know you’re gonna try to act like you’re fine when you’re really not. You’ll try to push us away. You always do that when people try to help. Like you’re so strong and don’t need anyone.”
“That’s not true. When I . . .”
“It is true. And I know that you don’t like people seeing you sad or angry. Like we’re not gonna stick around if you show us that side of you. But you’re wrong. We’ll still be here, even if you’re screaming at us. You know that, right?”
I didn’t know that. And I didn’t believe it. Even when people said that, I still didn’t trust that it was true. I don’t know why. For some reason I always had this idea that negative emotions should be hidden. After all, who wants to be around people who are sad or angry?
“Can we just not talk right now?”
“Sure,” he hugged me closer.
“You can watch TV if you want.” I turned on the TV and repositioned myself in Colin’s arms. I gave him the remote and fell asleep.
I woke up to find Colin sitting in the chair next to me and talking quietly on his cell phone.
“Just go without me! I told you I’m not leaving her.” He noticed I was waking up. He got up and walked to the kitchen so I couldn’t hear. “Well, you’re an insensitive jerk! No. Not tonight. Stop calling and texting me. I’ll see you on Monday.”
He walked back to the sofa and sat next to me. “Hey, you’re up. Can I get you something? Some lunch maybe? Well, I guess it’s almost dinner time.”
“I’m not hungry,” I said. “Who was that on the phone?”
“Shawn. Remember how I was supposed to go out with him and the guys tonight? Shawn’s car broke down last week, so I told him I would drive. But that was before all this. He can get a ride with someone else.”
“Colin, just go. You’ve already been here for hours.”
“I’m not leaving you here all alone. Besides, I don’t want to go out with them. I spent plenty of time with those guys during football season.”
That was true. Football was king at our school. The coach kept his players so busy during the season that I hardly saw Colin. And every weekend the team partied at different houses. I went to one of the football parties and hated it. The cheerleaders hung on the players like they were gods, practically begging them for sex.
I guess I should have been jealous that Colin got so much attention from other girls, but I always felt like I could trust him. Shawn was another story. He constantly tried to get his teammates to do stupid stuff, like break into the school late at night or TP the principal’s car.
Thinking of Shawn made me accept Colin’s offer. “Okay, stay. But I won’t be good company.”
“You’re always good company,” he said, kissing my forehead. “And I’m gonna be here a lot now, so you better get used to it. Oh, while you were asleep, Allie called. When she told her parents what happened, they decided to come home early from the ski trip. They’ll be back tonight.”
“They didn’t need to do that.”
“They wanted to, Sam.”
“Well, I’m not ready to see her right now.”
“That’s fine, but she’ll be here if you need her. And your boss called. He said not to worry about work. Jess and Will volunteered to cover all your shifts.
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