excited.”
“I know,” he said, hugging me again and not letting go. “I’m so sorry, Samantha.”
I could see Mom and Dad in my head, telling me goodbye just hours earlier. “Oh my God! I did this! It’s all my fault!” I pushed Dave away.
“What are you talking about?”
“I told them to go. Last night. I had a headache and they wanted to stay home. But I wouldn’t let them! I kept telling them to go. The accident is all my fault!”
The realization made me cry even harder. “They didn’t want to go! Why did I tell them to go?”
Dave took hold of my shoulders, forcing me to face him. “This is NOT your fault. Don’t you ever think that, Sam.”
“It IS my fault. Don’t you get it? They wouldn’t have gone out if it weren’t for me. They’d still be here.”
“Listen to me. This had nothing to do with you. Nothing. Do you understand?” His tone was more forceful than I expected. It was almost like he knew more about the accident that he wasn’t telling me.
“No, I don’t understand! I don’t understand any of this! Why didn’t I make them stay home? Why were they out so late? Why didn’t they call me? So I could at least say goodbye. I didn’t even get to tell them I loved them.”
Tears poured from my eyes. Dave hugged me again and started to cry himself. “Oh, honey. They knew that you loved them.”
He wouldn’t let me go until my crying started to slow. “I wish I knew what to do for you, Sam. Tell me what you need. Tell me what I can do.”
“I want them back,” I said quietly. “I need them back. I can’t not have them in my life.”
“They’ll always be in your life. You’re a part of them. I see them in you every time you laugh or smile or . . .”
“No! I need them here! Right now! Just please, please get them back.” The crying started again.
Dave was at a loss. He desperately wanted to help me, but he didn’t know how. And at the same time, he was trying to deal with his own shock and grief.
I continued to cry as Dave sat quietly next to me. After about an hour, he finally spoke.
“I really don’t want to leave you, but I have to head down to the station now. I have some things to take care of that can’t wait.”
“What? Well, I’m going with. They’re my parents and I should be doing this,” I snapped at him, unsure what exactly it was he, or I, would be doing.
“Sam, they’re taking me to the—the morgue. They found their IDs in the car, but still, they want someone to identify the . . .” He stopped, not wanting me to hear my parents referred to as “bodies.” “And there are some papers to sign at the police station.”
My mind started to imagine scenes from TV of people uncovering bodies under white sheets at some dim-lit morgue. Dave was right. I couldn’t handle that.
“What about the funeral?” I don’t know why I brought up a funeral when it was the last thing I wanted to think about. The words just came out.
“Sam, I’m going to take care of all of that.” Dave sounded like a stern parent now. “You just stay here and rest. I phoned Colin last night after you went to sleep. I told him what happened. He wanted to come right over, but I asked him to wait until this morning. He’ll be over in a few minutes.”
Dave went to the door and put on his coat, which was still on the floor from last night. “I’ll be back soon. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all, okay?”
He waited for a response but I didn’t answer so he opened the door to leave. “Here’s Colin, now. Good. I’ll see you soon, Sam.”
Dave left and Colin came in, closing the door behind him. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night. He took off his coat and came over to sit down next to me. I didn’t move but he pulled me into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Sam,” he whispered into my ear. I snuggled into the warmth of his chest, not wanting to let go.
Colin and I sat silently for several minutes. I could tell he was
“I know,” he said, hugging me again and not letting go. “I’m so sorry, Samantha.”
I could see Mom and Dad in my head, telling me goodbye just hours earlier. “Oh my God! I did this! It’s all my fault!” I pushed Dave away.
“What are you talking about?”
“I told them to go. Last night. I had a headache and they wanted to stay home. But I wouldn’t let them! I kept telling them to go. The accident is all my fault!”
The realization made me cry even harder. “They didn’t want to go! Why did I tell them to go?”
Dave took hold of my shoulders, forcing me to face him. “This is NOT your fault. Don’t you ever think that, Sam.”
“It IS my fault. Don’t you get it? They wouldn’t have gone out if it weren’t for me. They’d still be here.”
“Listen to me. This had nothing to do with you. Nothing. Do you understand?” His tone was more forceful than I expected. It was almost like he knew more about the accident that he wasn’t telling me.
“No, I don’t understand! I don’t understand any of this! Why didn’t I make them stay home? Why were they out so late? Why didn’t they call me? So I could at least say goodbye. I didn’t even get to tell them I loved them.”
Tears poured from my eyes. Dave hugged me again and started to cry himself. “Oh, honey. They knew that you loved them.”
He wouldn’t let me go until my crying started to slow. “I wish I knew what to do for you, Sam. Tell me what you need. Tell me what I can do.”
“I want them back,” I said quietly. “I need them back. I can’t not have them in my life.”
“They’ll always be in your life. You’re a part of them. I see them in you every time you laugh or smile or . . .”
“No! I need them here! Right now! Just please, please get them back.” The crying started again.
Dave was at a loss. He desperately wanted to help me, but he didn’t know how. And at the same time, he was trying to deal with his own shock and grief.
I continued to cry as Dave sat quietly next to me. After about an hour, he finally spoke.
“I really don’t want to leave you, but I have to head down to the station now. I have some things to take care of that can’t wait.”
“What? Well, I’m going with. They’re my parents and I should be doing this,” I snapped at him, unsure what exactly it was he, or I, would be doing.
“Sam, they’re taking me to the—the morgue. They found their IDs in the car, but still, they want someone to identify the . . .” He stopped, not wanting me to hear my parents referred to as “bodies.” “And there are some papers to sign at the police station.”
My mind started to imagine scenes from TV of people uncovering bodies under white sheets at some dim-lit morgue. Dave was right. I couldn’t handle that.
“What about the funeral?” I don’t know why I brought up a funeral when it was the last thing I wanted to think about. The words just came out.
“Sam, I’m going to take care of all of that.” Dave sounded like a stern parent now. “You just stay here and rest. I phoned Colin last night after you went to sleep. I told him what happened. He wanted to come right over, but I asked him to wait until this morning. He’ll be over in a few minutes.”
Dave went to the door and put on his coat, which was still on the floor from last night. “I’ll be back soon. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all, okay?”
He waited for a response but I didn’t answer so he opened the door to leave. “Here’s Colin, now. Good. I’ll see you soon, Sam.”
Dave left and Colin came in, closing the door behind him. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night. He took off his coat and came over to sit down next to me. I didn’t move but he pulled me into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Sam,” he whispered into my ear. I snuggled into the warmth of his chest, not wanting to let go.
Colin and I sat silently for several minutes. I could tell he was
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