problem?"
"Of course, that solves everything," I said. "And when did you meet each other, before or after the baby?"
"After," said María, "when this girl here was running wild. Lupe, I think you wanted to die."
"If it hadn't been for Alberto, I would have called it quits," said Lupe with a sigh.
"Alberto is your… boyfriend, I guess," I said. "Do you know him?" I asked María, and she nodded her head yes.
"He's her pimp," said María.
"But he's got a bigger dick than your little friend," said Lupe.
"Are you referring to me?" I said.
María laughed. "Of course she's referring to you, stupid."
I turned red and then I laughed. María and Lupe laughed too.
"How big is Alberto?" said María.
"As big as his knife."
"And how big is his knife?" said María.
"Like this."
"That's ridiculous," I said, although I should have changed the subject. Trying to fix the unfixable, I said: "There aren't any knives that big." I felt worse.
"
Ay, mana
, how are you so sure about the knife thing?" said María.
"He's had the knife since he was fifteen, a hooker from La Bondojo gave it to him, some girl who died."
"But have you measured his thing with the knife or are you just guessing?"
"A knife that big gets in the way," I persisted.
"He measures it. I don't need to measure it, what do I care? He measures it himself and he measures it all the time, once a day at least, to make sure it hasn't gotten any smaller, he says."
"Is he afraid his weenie will shrink?" said María.
"Alberto isn't afraid of anything. I'm telling you, he's bad."
"Then why the knife? Honestly, I don't understand it," said María. "Plus, hasn't he ever cut himself?"
"A few times, always on purpose. He's good with the knife."
"Are you telling me that your pimp cuts himself on the penis sometimes for fun?" said María.
"That's right."
"I can't believe it."
"It's the truth. Just every once in a while, it's not like he does it every day. Only when he's nervous. Or fucked up. But the measuring thing he does all the time. He's says it's good for his manhood. He says it's a habit he learned inside."
"He sounds like a fucking psychopath," said María.
"You're just too high class,
mana
. You don't understand. Anyway, what's wrong with it? All these stupid men are always measuring their dicks. Mine does it for real. And with a knife. Also, it's the knife he got from his first girlfriend, who was almost like a mother to him."
"And is it really that big?"
María and Lupe laughed. In my mind, Alberto kept growing and getting tougher the more they talked. I had stopped wanting him to show up, or to risk my life for the girls.
"Once, in Azcapotzalco, there was this blow-job contest in a club, and this one slut always won. No one could get her mouth around all the dicks she could swallow. Then Alberto got up from the table where we were sitting and said wait a minute, I've got some business to take care of. The people who were at our table said that's the way, Alberto, you could tell they knew him. Inside, I was thinking the poor girl was already finished. Alberto stood in the middle of the floor, pulled out his huge dick, stroked it into action, and stuck it in the champion's mouth. She really was tough, and she gave it her best shot. She took it little by little and everyone was gasping in astonishment. Then Alberto grabbed her by the ears and pushed his dick all the way in. No time like the present, he said, and everybody laughed. Even I laughed, although the truth is I felt embarrassed too, and a little bit jealous. For the first few seconds it looked like the girl was going to do it, but then she choked and started to suffocate…"
"Jesus, your Alberto's a monster," I said.
"But keep telling the story, what happened next?" said María.
"Nothing, really. The girl started to hit Alberto, trying to pull away from him, and Alberto started to laugh and say whoah, girl, whoah, like he was riding a bucking bronco, know what I mean?"
"Of course, like he was in
"Of course, that solves everything," I said. "And when did you meet each other, before or after the baby?"
"After," said María, "when this girl here was running wild. Lupe, I think you wanted to die."
"If it hadn't been for Alberto, I would have called it quits," said Lupe with a sigh.
"Alberto is your… boyfriend, I guess," I said. "Do you know him?" I asked María, and she nodded her head yes.
"He's her pimp," said María.
"But he's got a bigger dick than your little friend," said Lupe.
"Are you referring to me?" I said.
María laughed. "Of course she's referring to you, stupid."
I turned red and then I laughed. María and Lupe laughed too.
"How big is Alberto?" said María.
"As big as his knife."
"And how big is his knife?" said María.
"Like this."
"That's ridiculous," I said, although I should have changed the subject. Trying to fix the unfixable, I said: "There aren't any knives that big." I felt worse.
"
Ay, mana
, how are you so sure about the knife thing?" said María.
"He's had the knife since he was fifteen, a hooker from La Bondojo gave it to him, some girl who died."
"But have you measured his thing with the knife or are you just guessing?"
"A knife that big gets in the way," I persisted.
"He measures it. I don't need to measure it, what do I care? He measures it himself and he measures it all the time, once a day at least, to make sure it hasn't gotten any smaller, he says."
"Is he afraid his weenie will shrink?" said María.
"Alberto isn't afraid of anything. I'm telling you, he's bad."
"Then why the knife? Honestly, I don't understand it," said María. "Plus, hasn't he ever cut himself?"
"A few times, always on purpose. He's good with the knife."
"Are you telling me that your pimp cuts himself on the penis sometimes for fun?" said María.
"That's right."
"I can't believe it."
"It's the truth. Just every once in a while, it's not like he does it every day. Only when he's nervous. Or fucked up. But the measuring thing he does all the time. He's says it's good for his manhood. He says it's a habit he learned inside."
"He sounds like a fucking psychopath," said María.
"You're just too high class,
mana
. You don't understand. Anyway, what's wrong with it? All these stupid men are always measuring their dicks. Mine does it for real. And with a knife. Also, it's the knife he got from his first girlfriend, who was almost like a mother to him."
"And is it really that big?"
María and Lupe laughed. In my mind, Alberto kept growing and getting tougher the more they talked. I had stopped wanting him to show up, or to risk my life for the girls.
"Once, in Azcapotzalco, there was this blow-job contest in a club, and this one slut always won. No one could get her mouth around all the dicks she could swallow. Then Alberto got up from the table where we were sitting and said wait a minute, I've got some business to take care of. The people who were at our table said that's the way, Alberto, you could tell they knew him. Inside, I was thinking the poor girl was already finished. Alberto stood in the middle of the floor, pulled out his huge dick, stroked it into action, and stuck it in the champion's mouth. She really was tough, and she gave it her best shot. She took it little by little and everyone was gasping in astonishment. Then Alberto grabbed her by the ears and pushed his dick all the way in. No time like the present, he said, and everybody laughed. Even I laughed, although the truth is I felt embarrassed too, and a little bit jealous. For the first few seconds it looked like the girl was going to do it, but then she choked and started to suffocate…"
"Jesus, your Alberto's a monster," I said.
"But keep telling the story, what happened next?" said María.
"Nothing, really. The girl started to hit Alberto, trying to pull away from him, and Alberto started to laugh and say whoah, girl, whoah, like he was riding a bucking bronco, know what I mean?"
"Of course, like he was in
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