The Soul of the Matter by Bruce Buff

favor.”
    Relaxing, he said, “What can I do for my favorite sister?”
    â€œAt risk of that exalted position, as your only sister, I would like you to hear what Stephen has to say.”
    So that’s it! Stephen’s recruited Joanna to plead hiscase, Dan thought with disdain.
    Standing up, face and voice tightening, Dan said, “I have better things to do. And you don’t need to get involved.”
    â€œI figured that was going to be your response.” Joanna said. “Don’t you know friendships like the one you two had are really hard to come by? What’s he done that’s so terrible? Is it worth throwing away your lifelong relationship and ignoring him when he says something is important?”
    In fact, no fight had led to the split, just small disagreements here and there. They spent less and less time with each other and their interactions had become increasingly superficial, as though the illusion of a close friendship was more important than the risk of actually trying to have one.
    â€œMaybe we weren’t the friends we thought we were. Maybe we aren’t who we were. People change, develop other interests.”
    Joanna said, “I don’t know what your problem is, but get over it. You want to be by yourself, create grudges that you won’t even talk about, fine. But when someone you’ve known your whole life, whom you’ve been so close with, says something is important, you do it. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You need to question who you’re becoming.”
    Dan was startled. Joanna hadn’t spoken to him like this since he was much younger. “It’s not like he’s made any effort before he suddenly realized he wanted to talk with me. And I have better things to do than to pretend something is there that isn’t,” Dan said.
    â€œLike what? It seems like you are not doing much of anything these days. What’s up with the sports league for the inner-city kids you were helping to run?”
    â€œIt’s done for the year, at least as far as my involvement goes. Same for the high-school tutoring I was doing.”
    â€œWhat about the group of guys in the neighborhood you hang out with?” Joanna asked.
    â€œWe get together once in a while. There is a dinner coming up, but that’s with wives and girlfriends, so I’ll skip that.”
    â€œI’m seeing a pattern here, and it worries me,” Joanna said.
    â€œOh yeah, what’s that?” Dan challenged.
    â€œYou’re pulling away from people. The fun things you used to do are no longer enough of a distraction. There’s a void in your life you can’t fill and can’t look away from anymore.”
    â€œI’d ask what you think should fill what you call my void, but we both know what you’d say and that won’t work for me. I know too much,” Dan said.
    â€œYou need something.”
    â€œYou’re not my psychologist. And it’s not unnatural to be a little sad now. The last of our parents’ siblings just died and our ties to that generation are gone.” Left unsaid was the toll that helping to take care of their uncle, their father’s brother, had taken on Dan. He had spent almost every day at his uncle’s house, for a month, as old age finally took him.
    â€œI know, and you were wonderful, as you were with our parents.”
    â€œThen you can cut me some slack,” Dan said, knowing that despite his denial, he did need something to anchor him. The world was shaking beneath him, seemingly ready to fall apart.
    â€œExcept for things that would be good for you. Go see Stephen. Act graciously, regardless of how difficult that may be. Find out what he needs and, afterward, if you want to, you can go your separate way again. Unfortunately, that, seems to be your approach to people these days.” She walked over to Dan and gently laid her hand on his shoulder. “One day,