attractive women passed by looking straight through them. ‘This isn’t us. After this beer we should go, find ourselves a proper pub and bed in for the night.’ He scanned the bar. All the seats had long since been taken and even standing room was at a premium. ‘There isn’t even anywhere to sit.’
‘Mate,’ said Deano, ‘are you ever going to stop bloody moaning? All you’ve done all evening is whinge. Look around you, fella, this place is crawling with top class talent of every description!’ He pointed to a tall girl with shoulder-length blonde hair. ‘She’s gorgeous!’ He moved his finger across to the right by several degrees to a beautiful girl wearing a silver metallic barely there minidress. ‘What I wouldn’t do to be able to lick her armpits!’ And finally he moved his finger to a beautiful brunette who was now looking right at him. ‘Look at her! She’s lovely! And because she’s seen me pointing at her I’m on her radar!’
‘As a potential stalker!’ said Phil marvelling at his friend’s brazenness. ‘She’s probably calling the police as we speak.’
A group of people at a table a few feet away stood up and left but before Phil could make a grab for their seats they were leapt upon by a group of young guys in tight tops sporting inordinate amounts of gel in their hair.
Thwarted, Phil turned to Deano and tried to make conversation to distract himself from the pain in his knees. ‘So what’s your take on this business with Si? It doesn’t sound right does it?’
‘Not even a little bit. It’s got to be another bird though.’
‘Any ideas who?’
Deano shrugged. ‘I’ve seen him chat to a few women in the pub but no more than a quick hello. But that’s Si, isn’t it? He’ll talk to anyone about anything when he’s on form. I didn’t even notice he’d stopped wearing his wedding ring.’
‘Has he? I didn’t even think to look.’
‘I clocked it when he told us in the bar.’ Deano paused. ‘You’re not going to let it bother you though? You know, let it get under you skin, and convince you that all marriages are doomed and blah, blah, blah.’
Phil laughed. ‘I hadn’t been thinking that but cheers for putting it out there fella.’
‘I’m just saying . . .’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Are we going to carry on like this all night?’
Deano sighed. ‘All I was going to say is that I’ve seen you and Helen together and I can tell – just from looking at you guys – that you’re going to work.’
There was an awkward pause then Phil said: ‘Was that as hard to say as it was to listen to?’
‘Mate,’ replied Deano, ‘it was excruciating.’
‘Let’s agree to never do that again, okay?’
‘On that,’ said Deano, ‘you have my absolute word.’
Although The Lab turned out to be more fun than he expected (even as a happily engaged man it was hard to not be impressed by the high concentration of gorgeous girls in the bar), after an hour or so there was no getting away from the fact that the lager was too expensive, there still weren’t any seats and although Deano had toned down his dog on heat routine there was still every chance that the evening would end with the boyfriend of one of his victims punching his lights out.
Returning from a trip to The Lab’s toilets (not so much your common or garden toilet as state of the art unisex space pod featuring toilets, male and female urinals) Phil began working his way back to the boys trying to work out exactly how best to pitch his plan without getting into an hour long debate about the pros and cons of moving on. To his immediate discomfort he saw the woman from the queue standing in front of him.
‘Ah, Mr Thumbs-up!’ she grinned. ‘We meet again.’
Phil cringed but as he tried compose himself he was once again struck by the familiarity of her face. He couldn’t possibly know her, could he? Surely she was far too attractive for him to have met her
‘Mate,’ said Deano, ‘are you ever going to stop bloody moaning? All you’ve done all evening is whinge. Look around you, fella, this place is crawling with top class talent of every description!’ He pointed to a tall girl with shoulder-length blonde hair. ‘She’s gorgeous!’ He moved his finger across to the right by several degrees to a beautiful girl wearing a silver metallic barely there minidress. ‘What I wouldn’t do to be able to lick her armpits!’ And finally he moved his finger to a beautiful brunette who was now looking right at him. ‘Look at her! She’s lovely! And because she’s seen me pointing at her I’m on her radar!’
‘As a potential stalker!’ said Phil marvelling at his friend’s brazenness. ‘She’s probably calling the police as we speak.’
A group of people at a table a few feet away stood up and left but before Phil could make a grab for their seats they were leapt upon by a group of young guys in tight tops sporting inordinate amounts of gel in their hair.
Thwarted, Phil turned to Deano and tried to make conversation to distract himself from the pain in his knees. ‘So what’s your take on this business with Si? It doesn’t sound right does it?’
‘Not even a little bit. It’s got to be another bird though.’
‘Any ideas who?’
Deano shrugged. ‘I’ve seen him chat to a few women in the pub but no more than a quick hello. But that’s Si, isn’t it? He’ll talk to anyone about anything when he’s on form. I didn’t even notice he’d stopped wearing his wedding ring.’
‘Has he? I didn’t even think to look.’
‘I clocked it when he told us in the bar.’ Deano paused. ‘You’re not going to let it bother you though? You know, let it get under you skin, and convince you that all marriages are doomed and blah, blah, blah.’
Phil laughed. ‘I hadn’t been thinking that but cheers for putting it out there fella.’
‘I’m just saying . . .’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Are we going to carry on like this all night?’
Deano sighed. ‘All I was going to say is that I’ve seen you and Helen together and I can tell – just from looking at you guys – that you’re going to work.’
There was an awkward pause then Phil said: ‘Was that as hard to say as it was to listen to?’
‘Mate,’ replied Deano, ‘it was excruciating.’
‘Let’s agree to never do that again, okay?’
‘On that,’ said Deano, ‘you have my absolute word.’
Although The Lab turned out to be more fun than he expected (even as a happily engaged man it was hard to not be impressed by the high concentration of gorgeous girls in the bar), after an hour or so there was no getting away from the fact that the lager was too expensive, there still weren’t any seats and although Deano had toned down his dog on heat routine there was still every chance that the evening would end with the boyfriend of one of his victims punching his lights out.
Returning from a trip to The Lab’s toilets (not so much your common or garden toilet as state of the art unisex space pod featuring toilets, male and female urinals) Phil began working his way back to the boys trying to work out exactly how best to pitch his plan without getting into an hour long debate about the pros and cons of moving on. To his immediate discomfort he saw the woman from the queue standing in front of him.
‘Ah, Mr Thumbs-up!’ she grinned. ‘We meet again.’
Phil cringed but as he tried compose himself he was once again struck by the familiarity of her face. He couldn’t possibly know her, could he? Surely she was far too attractive for him to have met her
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