The Star Side of Bird Hill by Naomi Jackson Page B

up the top half of the back door to let the night air in. Then, she undid the locks of the sea-green cupboards with keys she fished out of her nightgown. For weeks, Phaedra had been dying to know what her grandmother kept there. Whenever Phaedra begged her to open the cupboards, Dionne told her that curiosity killed the cat. Phaedra was annoyed that Dionne, who was generally unafraid of trouble, wouldn’t help her. Phaedra bet Dionne that Hyacinthhid a secret cache of Shirley biscuits there and her sister just shook her head, saying it was probably something boring, like mothballs or detergent.
    Both of them were wrong. When Hyacinth opened the cupboard doors, she revealed herbs of all varieties in glass jars, each labeled in her careful fourth-grade print.
    â€œWhat is all this, Granny?” Phaedra asked.
    â€œRoots.”
    â€œYou mean to do obeah with?”
    â€œDear heart, labels are for things, not people. I don’t work obeah any more than Father Loving does when he says that a couple drops of holy water on a sick man’s forehead can make him well. There’s all kind of magic, some for daytime, and others for the night.”
    â€œSo, it’s all just different ways to make people well?”
    â€œYou could say that. All different ways to help the body do its work. Now, we need to find roots to make a tea.”
    â€œWhat kind of tea?”
    â€œThe same tea I gave your mother to drink.”
    â€œTo make her strong?”
    â€œTo make her womb weak.”
    â€œWhat do you mean, weak?” Phaedra asked.
    Hyacinth turned the full force of her gaze on Phaedra, the way that she did when she wanted to be heard. With Hyacinth looking at her, Phaedra felt naked, as if her grandmother could see what was beneath her skin, the sturdy parts and what she was ashamed of too.
    â€œA strong womb carries a healthy baby. A weak womb lets go of the baby before it grows.”
    â€œSo why would you want to give Mommy that to drink?”
    â€œI gave it to her when she started tumbling big with you,” Hyacinth said, releasing Phaedra from her gaze so suddenly that Phaedra felt herself slip.
    â€œYou mean Mommy didn’t want me?” Phaedra grabbed the clothesline where she and Dionne hung their clean underwear after they washed them in the shower, but she felt it give, wavering where she wanted support.
    â€œSweetheart, it’s not to say Mummy didn’t want you. She was facing down the facts of her life and couldn’t see where another child might fit. I told her myself that if she thought life was hard with her and Dionne and that husband, she would understand what hard life really was with another one pulling at her. If she’d seen just one bit of the sparkle you have now, she would have been trying to bring you out sooner. One day you will see that what must be born will be born. Everything else will find another way.”
    â€œWhy would you tell me that?”
    â€œSweetness, the only thing that has power over you is what you can’t say, even to yourself.”
    Phaedra considered this for a moment, letting the night frogs fill the silence between them.
    â€œEverything hurt needs sun and air to heal it,” Hyacinth added, hearing what Phaedra had not said.
    â€œSo what you’re saying is that it’s not that she didn’t want me, but that she didn’t see how to make it work.”
    â€œYou could say that. I can tell you one thing, though. No matter what she did, her belly just kept growing and growing. You were determined to come.”
    Phaedra touched the dime-size birthmark nestled inside her bruise’s faded half-moon. “Is that where this came from?”
    â€œShe tried one last time with the doctor but you would not come out no matter what he did.” Hyacinth bent down and kissed Phaedra’s scar, leaving a wet imprint of her lips that the breeze soon dried. Phaedra was hard-pressed to recall the last time