Always and Forever by Lauren Crossley

clearly see
that I’ve put her through hell this evening.
    “I’m sorry, Mum. I completely lost track of time.”
    “Where have you been?” She persists.
    “Do you remember Amy who I used to go school with? We were
friends for a little while in our final year and she came over a couple of
times. Well, I bumped into her on my way home from the shop and we got talking.
I ended up going back to her place with her. I only planned on staying for a
few minutes but I completely lost track of time. As soon as I realised how late
it was I raced back home as quick as I could. I’m really sorry if I worried
you.” I make sure I look her right in the face. I can’t afford for her to
become suspicious. If I’m going to do this then I have to do it properly. I
need to be convincing.
    “And that’s where you’ve been all this time? I’ve been
going out of mind thinking of all of the worst case scenarios that might have
happened. I thought you’d been abducted. I was seconds away from calling 999
and reporting you missing. Do you have any idea how useless I felt stuck here?
I’ve never been so scared in all my life. How could you have been so
thoughtless?” Her eyes are filled with tears and I know that underneath her
accusatory tone I’ve really hurt her.
    “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you but I’ve
already explained what happened.”
    “If your father knew that I allowed you to go out at this
time of night he would kill me.” She whispers, the colour drains from her face
at just the thought.
    “And that’s why he doesn’t need to know, not now, not ever.
There’s no point in angering him Mum. I don’t want you to get in trouble
because of me. It was my fault, not yours and you shouldn’t be expected to take
the blame.” I hate myself for doing this to her. It feels like blackmail and
it’s not something that I ever envisioned myself doing to her. If only there
was any other way. Unfortunately, there isn’t.
     “I suppose the main thing is that you’re home and
safe.” She acquiesces reluctantly.
    I hug her briefly, despising the way that she remains still
and lifeless. I know I’ve let her down and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to
make it up to her.
    Handing her the milk she so desperately needed, I turn away
and head on up the stairs. I pause on the final step as though I’ve just
remembered something. This has to seem like it’s no big deal.
    “I’m meeting up with Amy again next Friday. I’ll be going
over to her place so you don’t need to worry. I really enjoyed catching up with
her tonight and we both agreed that we should make more of an effort to stay in
touch.”
     “Bethany, you can’t be serious. You know that’s out
of the question, your father will never allow it.”
    “And that’s why we’re not going to tell him.” I stare at
her, making sure I don’t blink or seem uncertain.
    “You want me to keep this from him?” She asks
disbelievingly, the quivering in her voice pull at my heart strings, nearly
tipping me over the edge.
    “Mum, I’m twenty years old and I have no social life
whatsoever. Surely I’m entitled to at least one friend? Dad goes out every
Friday evening and he arrives home at exactly the same time every week. I’ll
only be out of the house for an hour at the most. I’ll make sure that there’s
plenty of time before he arrives home. I really don’t think this request is
unreasonable.”
    “Your father came home early just last week and that could
easily happen again. Don’t you remember what happened the last time we deceived
him? I can’t believe that you risk that again.”
    I freeze at the top of the stairs. I feel like all of the
air has just been kicked out of my lungs. We never speak about that
time. It’s too painful for the both of us and I can’t believe that she would
mention it now. It makes my blood turn cold just to think about it.
    “End of discussion, Mum.” I reply coldly.
    I close my bedroom door behind me