approve of my plan to meet up with him again
next week. I hardly know him and it will mean me lying to my mum about where
I’m really going. She wants me to experience adventure but will she see this
idea as me being reckless and dangerous? I really don’t want her to make me
feel bad about seeing Jake. I feel guilty enough as it is and I want her to be
excited for me, I need someone to share this with. In the grand scheme of
things what happened last night might not be terribly eventful but to me, it
was extraordinary.
I consider waiting to tell gran about Jake until I see him
again. There’s no point in troubling her with something that might not end up
being a big deal. Gran can be extremely protective over me and if she thinks
that I’m putting myself in a threatening situation then she may just tell my
mum the truth. I realise that I can’t take the risk and decide not to say
anything to her. I’ll see how it goes with Jake next Friday and then I’ll
confide in gran.
Throughout our visit I can feel her eyes on me the entire
time. I keep catching her looking at me with a curious expression on her face.
I swear she can read me like a book. She knows something’s different about me
and she’s trying to figure out what it is.
A big part of me is dying to tell her about Jake and
everything that happened last night but the truth is I’m just not ready to part
with my secret yet. This is the first time in my life that I’ve kept anything
private and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. This secret is
mine. It belongs to me and I have to admit that I really like having this one
thing that nobody else in my world knows about.
My days in the bookstore are unbelievably boring and this
week in particular goes by really, really slowly. Only a handful of customers
come in to the store and the majority of them don’t even buy anything.
My thoughts are completely preoccupied with Jake. I
constantly wonder what he’s doing and if he’s thought of me since last Friday.
Today is Wednesday ad it’s already been five days since I last seen him. I
start to consider the possibility that he might have already forgotten all
about me.
He could be laughing about me with all of his friends;
they’re probably laughing their heads off hearing about the pathetic girl he
convinced to meet up with him again next Friday night. God, all of this could
be some sick joke to him. All of them might turn up in two days time to catch a
glimpse of me standing there waiting for him to show up. The whole thing makes
me tremble with humiliation.
I start to second-guess myself
and seriously think about not going on Friday. I should probably stay at home
and save myself from the embarrassment. The internal debating with goes on and
on until I finally decide to give myself a break from my constant worrying. I
can’t predict what will happen, Jake might not turn up but I know for certain
that I will. Regardless of my own insecurities and loathsome doubts I’m
absolutely determined to see him again. Nothing and no one will stand in my
way, not even myself.
On Thursday evening I end up stuck next tomy father
on the sofa. We’re watching some boring documentary and I have no idea what
it’s about. I’ve now got to the stage where I’m practically counting down the
hours until tomorrow night. I’ve mentally prepared myself for the worst. I’ve
convinced myself that he won’t turn up and I’ll be left waiting for him like
some sad, pathetic, naive little idiot who should have known better.
Even if that does happen I’m at least going to know the
truth. I might have got him all wrong. My imagination might have implored me to
recreate the reality of Friday night. I envision Jake to be this spectacular
and extraordinary human being when the truth is he might not be either of those
things. All of it could have been conjured up in my head and I have to prepare
myself for that eventuality.
Either way, I’m going
next week. I hardly know him and it will mean me lying to my mum about where
I’m really going. She wants me to experience adventure but will she see this
idea as me being reckless and dangerous? I really don’t want her to make me
feel bad about seeing Jake. I feel guilty enough as it is and I want her to be
excited for me, I need someone to share this with. In the grand scheme of
things what happened last night might not be terribly eventful but to me, it
was extraordinary.
I consider waiting to tell gran about Jake until I see him
again. There’s no point in troubling her with something that might not end up
being a big deal. Gran can be extremely protective over me and if she thinks
that I’m putting myself in a threatening situation then she may just tell my
mum the truth. I realise that I can’t take the risk and decide not to say
anything to her. I’ll see how it goes with Jake next Friday and then I’ll
confide in gran.
Throughout our visit I can feel her eyes on me the entire
time. I keep catching her looking at me with a curious expression on her face.
I swear she can read me like a book. She knows something’s different about me
and she’s trying to figure out what it is.
A big part of me is dying to tell her about Jake and
everything that happened last night but the truth is I’m just not ready to part
with my secret yet. This is the first time in my life that I’ve kept anything
private and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. This secret is
mine. It belongs to me and I have to admit that I really like having this one
thing that nobody else in my world knows about.
My days in the bookstore are unbelievably boring and this
week in particular goes by really, really slowly. Only a handful of customers
come in to the store and the majority of them don’t even buy anything.
My thoughts are completely preoccupied with Jake. I
constantly wonder what he’s doing and if he’s thought of me since last Friday.
Today is Wednesday ad it’s already been five days since I last seen him. I
start to consider the possibility that he might have already forgotten all
about me.
He could be laughing about me with all of his friends;
they’re probably laughing their heads off hearing about the pathetic girl he
convinced to meet up with him again next Friday night. God, all of this could
be some sick joke to him. All of them might turn up in two days time to catch a
glimpse of me standing there waiting for him to show up. The whole thing makes
me tremble with humiliation.
I start to second-guess myself
and seriously think about not going on Friday. I should probably stay at home
and save myself from the embarrassment. The internal debating with goes on and
on until I finally decide to give myself a break from my constant worrying. I
can’t predict what will happen, Jake might not turn up but I know for certain
that I will. Regardless of my own insecurities and loathsome doubts I’m
absolutely determined to see him again. Nothing and no one will stand in my
way, not even myself.
On Thursday evening I end up stuck next tomy father
on the sofa. We’re watching some boring documentary and I have no idea what
it’s about. I’ve now got to the stage where I’m practically counting down the
hours until tomorrow night. I’ve mentally prepared myself for the worst. I’ve
convinced myself that he won’t turn up and I’ll be left waiting for him like
some sad, pathetic, naive little idiot who should have known better.
Even if that does happen I’m at least going to know the
truth. I might have got him all wrong. My imagination might have implored me to
recreate the reality of Friday night. I envision Jake to be this spectacular
and extraordinary human being when the truth is he might not be either of those
things. All of it could have been conjured up in my head and I have to prepare
myself for that eventuality.
Either way, I’m going
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