The Tao of Stress: How to Calm, Balance, and Simplify Your Life by Robert G. Santee Page B
Authors: Robert G. Santee
Tags: Non-Fiction
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looked?
Now think about the discussion of change you’ve read in this chapter.
Do you notice the difference between talking about change as fundamental and actual y experiencing continual change as fundamental?
If you like, you can record your thoughts and feelings in your journal.
Beliefs
Our beliefs help us create and live in our personal and social reality. They assist us in looking at, organizing, making judgments about, and responding to our personal and social worlds. We all have beliefs that guide us through our daily challenges and decisions. In most cases, our beliefs are beneficial to our everyday living. In some cases, though, our beliefs are problematic and can lead to unhealthy consequences, including chronic stress.
In this section I’ll provide two examples of how problematic beliefs and the associated judgments can negatively impact feelings and
45
uncorrected proof
The Tao of Stress
behavior and result in chronic stress. The first example is from an ancient Taoist text called the Liezi (Yang 1972). The second is a modern situation that may have a ring of familiarity for you.
A Man and His Hometown
There was a man who was born in the state of Yan. Upon his birth,
his family moved to the state of Chu. When he grew old, he wanted to return to see his birthplace in the state of Yan. Because he did not know how to get there, some people he knew said they would show him the way. While they were passing though the state of Jin, his traveling companions deceived him. They pointed toward a city and told him that it was his place of birth in the state of Yan. The man’s appearance immediately changed and he looked sad. His companions then pointed to a
village in the city and said, “This village is your hometown.” The man let out a sigh. They then indicated a building and said, “This is the home of your ancestors.” Tears dripped down his face as he wept. They then indicated a ridge and said, “This is the graveyard of your ancestors.” The man couldn’t keep from sobbing.
Then his traveling companions laughed loudly and said, “We have
been deceiving you all along. This is the state of Jin.” The man felt ashamed. When they actually reached the state of Yan and he truly saw the city, his village, the home of his ancestors, and the graveyard of his ancestors, he felt only slight sadness in his heart.
Because of his absolute judgment, based on his absolute belief that the first city was his hometown, the man cried and felt sad with no basis in fact. He cried and felt sad because he believed he was in his hometown and believed that this was how he was supposed to behave when he
returned to his place of birth and the home of his ancestors. Once he was presented with evidence that he wasn’t in his hometown, his beliefs changed. And as a result of that, his feelings and behavior changed.
When he finally reached his real hometown and engaged with it on an experiential level, without any expectations about how he was supposed to feel, his behavior and feelings were different and more natural.
This story clearly indicates how beliefs and judgments can determine our reality and influence how we feel and behave. It also demonstrates how beliefs and the expectations based on them can lead to distress.
46
uncorrected proof
Simplifying Your Thoughts
Clearly, it is important to become aware of, examine, and then remove beliefs and judgments that are detrimental to us. In this way, we begin to simplify our lives.
Jane’s Story
One Monday morning while Jane was combing her hair in front of
the mirror, she noticed a brownish spot at the base of her hairline.
She rubbed her finger over it. She thought it felt flat but wasn’t sure and wondered if it might be raised. She looked closely at it. It didn’t appear to be irregular in shape, but as she examined it, she thought it might look a bit irregular around the edges. She
thought, Oh my god, is this a skin cancer? You can die from skin
Now think about the discussion of change you’ve read in this chapter.
Do you notice the difference between talking about change as fundamental and actual y experiencing continual change as fundamental?
If you like, you can record your thoughts and feelings in your journal.
Beliefs
Our beliefs help us create and live in our personal and social reality. They assist us in looking at, organizing, making judgments about, and responding to our personal and social worlds. We all have beliefs that guide us through our daily challenges and decisions. In most cases, our beliefs are beneficial to our everyday living. In some cases, though, our beliefs are problematic and can lead to unhealthy consequences, including chronic stress.
In this section I’ll provide two examples of how problematic beliefs and the associated judgments can negatively impact feelings and
45
uncorrected proof
The Tao of Stress
behavior and result in chronic stress. The first example is from an ancient Taoist text called the Liezi (Yang 1972). The second is a modern situation that may have a ring of familiarity for you.
A Man and His Hometown
There was a man who was born in the state of Yan. Upon his birth,
his family moved to the state of Chu. When he grew old, he wanted to return to see his birthplace in the state of Yan. Because he did not know how to get there, some people he knew said they would show him the way. While they were passing though the state of Jin, his traveling companions deceived him. They pointed toward a city and told him that it was his place of birth in the state of Yan. The man’s appearance immediately changed and he looked sad. His companions then pointed to a
village in the city and said, “This village is your hometown.” The man let out a sigh. They then indicated a building and said, “This is the home of your ancestors.” Tears dripped down his face as he wept. They then indicated a ridge and said, “This is the graveyard of your ancestors.” The man couldn’t keep from sobbing.
Then his traveling companions laughed loudly and said, “We have
been deceiving you all along. This is the state of Jin.” The man felt ashamed. When they actually reached the state of Yan and he truly saw the city, his village, the home of his ancestors, and the graveyard of his ancestors, he felt only slight sadness in his heart.
Because of his absolute judgment, based on his absolute belief that the first city was his hometown, the man cried and felt sad with no basis in fact. He cried and felt sad because he believed he was in his hometown and believed that this was how he was supposed to behave when he
returned to his place of birth and the home of his ancestors. Once he was presented with evidence that he wasn’t in his hometown, his beliefs changed. And as a result of that, his feelings and behavior changed.
When he finally reached his real hometown and engaged with it on an experiential level, without any expectations about how he was supposed to feel, his behavior and feelings were different and more natural.
This story clearly indicates how beliefs and judgments can determine our reality and influence how we feel and behave. It also demonstrates how beliefs and the expectations based on them can lead to distress.
46
uncorrected proof
Simplifying Your Thoughts
Clearly, it is important to become aware of, examine, and then remove beliefs and judgments that are detrimental to us. In this way, we begin to simplify our lives.
Jane’s Story
One Monday morning while Jane was combing her hair in front of
the mirror, she noticed a brownish spot at the base of her hairline.
She rubbed her finger over it. She thought it felt flat but wasn’t sure and wondered if it might be raised. She looked closely at it. It didn’t appear to be irregular in shape, but as she examined it, she thought it might look a bit irregular around the edges. She
thought, Oh my god, is this a skin cancer? You can die from skin
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