society is arranged and what works. It is about how it’s always been.
The pressure for sons is not just perpetuated by men, either. Women need sons just as much, Dr. Fareiba says, using herself as the example. Her three sons are not only her proudest achievement; they are essential to the survival of her family. Who other than a son protects and cares for his parents, should they survive to old age? If the family needs to flee from yet another war? In case of a dispute, or a violent conflict, with another family? There is no social security, little health care, and virtually no rule of law in Afghanistan. There isjust unemployment, poverty, and constant war. In this environment, the number of sons equals a family’s strength, both financially and socially. They are insurance. A 401(k). A bank. Dr. Fareiba’s sons will support and ensure not only her life but her family’s longevity and legacy.
Dr. Fareiba has a daughter, too. But she will be married off to a man of her parents’ choice, and move away to live with her husband’s family. The ownership of an Afghan girl is literally passed on from one male—her father—to the one who becomes her husband. He will take over the ruling of her life, down to the smallest details if he is so inclined. Dr. Fareiba may not even see her daughter again, if her future son-in-law and his family decide to move far away. On the other hand, when her own sons marry, they will take their new brides back to Dr. Fareiba’s house to start new families there. More sons will hopefully be born, and her family will grow larger and stronger.
“The daughter is never ours. But the son,” says Dr. Fareiba in a matter-of-fact tone, “will stay with us forever.”
It is how things always worked in this country, where tribal law and strict patrilineal tradition have historically offered a higher degree of stability than most governments. In Afghanistan, not much is for certain other than an open sky and eventual death. In between the two is family.
Dr. Fareiba leaves it at that.
But the patriarchal system, with the idea that women should be subordinate to men, and that sons are more valuable than daughters, was in fact never a “natural” nor a God-given order that always existed. It can be traced back to entirely human-created historical events.
When American scholarGerda Lerner pioneered the study of women’s history in the 1980s, her research provided both evidence and an explanation for how patriarchy originally began to form. It was not until around the dawn of agriculture, when humans transitioned from being hunters and gatherers to becoming herders and farmers, in the fourth to second millennium BC, that notions of personal property and ownership also created the need to control reproduction.Specifically that meant the wombs of women, since those with the most children gained an advantage. Both children, who could be used for labor, and women, who could produce the children, became resources that could be bought and sold to create alliances and thereby expand upon personal ownership. Land as well as capital was passed down solely through male heirs, creating an absolute need for sons to preserve wealth and build legacies. Many societies grew out of this raw version of the patriarchal system, which is still very much in place in the world’s most conservative countries, and has visible remnants in most other societies.
In addition to Gerda Lerner’s historical explanations of the origins of patriarchy, one may inch closer to an understanding of Afghanistan’s honor culture and the standing of women by considering the struggles of women in Western societies only a few generations ago. A tried-and-true reporter’s strategy is also useful: to follow the money, and observe how those who control it will use every worldly and otherworldly argument for not sharing it.
B UT HOW DOES someone like Dr. Fareiba come to exist in this environment, where most Afghan women—and men, for
The pressure for sons is not just perpetuated by men, either. Women need sons just as much, Dr. Fareiba says, using herself as the example. Her three sons are not only her proudest achievement; they are essential to the survival of her family. Who other than a son protects and cares for his parents, should they survive to old age? If the family needs to flee from yet another war? In case of a dispute, or a violent conflict, with another family? There is no social security, little health care, and virtually no rule of law in Afghanistan. There isjust unemployment, poverty, and constant war. In this environment, the number of sons equals a family’s strength, both financially and socially. They are insurance. A 401(k). A bank. Dr. Fareiba’s sons will support and ensure not only her life but her family’s longevity and legacy.
Dr. Fareiba has a daughter, too. But she will be married off to a man of her parents’ choice, and move away to live with her husband’s family. The ownership of an Afghan girl is literally passed on from one male—her father—to the one who becomes her husband. He will take over the ruling of her life, down to the smallest details if he is so inclined. Dr. Fareiba may not even see her daughter again, if her future son-in-law and his family decide to move far away. On the other hand, when her own sons marry, they will take their new brides back to Dr. Fareiba’s house to start new families there. More sons will hopefully be born, and her family will grow larger and stronger.
“The daughter is never ours. But the son,” says Dr. Fareiba in a matter-of-fact tone, “will stay with us forever.”
It is how things always worked in this country, where tribal law and strict patrilineal tradition have historically offered a higher degree of stability than most governments. In Afghanistan, not much is for certain other than an open sky and eventual death. In between the two is family.
Dr. Fareiba leaves it at that.
But the patriarchal system, with the idea that women should be subordinate to men, and that sons are more valuable than daughters, was in fact never a “natural” nor a God-given order that always existed. It can be traced back to entirely human-created historical events.
When American scholarGerda Lerner pioneered the study of women’s history in the 1980s, her research provided both evidence and an explanation for how patriarchy originally began to form. It was not until around the dawn of agriculture, when humans transitioned from being hunters and gatherers to becoming herders and farmers, in the fourth to second millennium BC, that notions of personal property and ownership also created the need to control reproduction.Specifically that meant the wombs of women, since those with the most children gained an advantage. Both children, who could be used for labor, and women, who could produce the children, became resources that could be bought and sold to create alliances and thereby expand upon personal ownership. Land as well as capital was passed down solely through male heirs, creating an absolute need for sons to preserve wealth and build legacies. Many societies grew out of this raw version of the patriarchal system, which is still very much in place in the world’s most conservative countries, and has visible remnants in most other societies.
In addition to Gerda Lerner’s historical explanations of the origins of patriarchy, one may inch closer to an understanding of Afghanistan’s honor culture and the standing of women by considering the struggles of women in Western societies only a few generations ago. A tried-and-true reporter’s strategy is also useful: to follow the money, and observe how those who control it will use every worldly and otherworldly argument for not sharing it.
B UT HOW DOES someone like Dr. Fareiba come to exist in this environment, where most Afghan women—and men, for
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