The Unfinished World (The Armor of God Book 2) by Diego Valenzuela

I just did, like Garros just did. There’s a reason for this behavior.”
    “It’s the Creux, isn’t it?” Jena asked.
    “Afraid so. The energy inside the Creux,” Erin explained and looked at Ezra. “I wasn’t lying when I said that the T-Energy plays with your head, Ezra. It does. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem because we piloted the Creux remotely, and operations didn’t last very long. And even then, you remember the ways the Creux played with your head—remember the Blues, the bloodlust. Remember how Akiva changed when he was synchronizing more often than you. Now, we’ve been spending more time inside our Creux than outside, and that proximity to your Creux’s T-Core is dangerous. That’s why I said you couldn’t sleep in Nandi’s Apse, Ezra.”
    Ezra looked back at the Minotaur—could their own weapons really be the source of their madness?
    “I thought—no, I hoped it would take longer for it to affect us,” Erin said. “Well, honestly I hoped it wouldn’t affect us at all, because according to Dr. Mizrahi it doesn’t always happen, but there isn’t anything we can do about it, no way to insulate ourselves from it except not piloting altogether.”
    He understood how difficult it was for Erin to explain with the confidence expected from a leader, because it posed a scenario of inescapable adversity; piloting the Creux could apparently cause madness, and they certainly could never make it to Kerek, or find Akiva, without them.
    Would defeating the Laani and stopping Lys’ resurrection come at the cost of their sanity, if not their lives?
    “Maybe we should take a break,” said Ezra, eyes still on the dormant Minotaur. “Garros says Kerek is nearby.”
    “It is,” Erin said. “Maybe just hours away.”
    “Maybe you’re right, Blanchard,” said Garros. “Whatever Ares is doing to me is new. I hadn’t even recognized it until now, but it feels like the Blues felt—like alien emotions. Something my brain isn’t cooking up by itself. Erin, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so dumb; it’s like I wasn’t in control.”
    Ezra suddenly found himself wondering if he would have had the courage to take a swing at Garros if not for Nandi’s influence over him.
    “I know,” replied Erin. “And I’m sorry too.”
    “The only one who seems to still be all right is Crescent,” Garros said, and everyone looked at Jena.
    She shrugged. “I didn’t get the Blues like Ezra or Poole. Maybe I was spared this as well?”
    “In that case . . .,” said Erin. “If you see any us acting strange, try to speak up. In fact, that goes for any one of us. Ezra, Garros: if you recognize uncharacteristic or strange behavior in yourself, or anyone else, you need to say something. Being aware of it might be the only way to avoid doing something stupid or dangerous.”
    Garros nodded, like the last words had been directed directly at him.
    “There is enough pressure on us as it is,” said Erin, and it began to rain again, though it fell not as drops, but as a fine spray buoyed by the wind. “We’re out here because unlike some of the others in Roue, we agree that humanity’s worth fighting for, and maybe dying for.” She paused and took Garros by the hand. “ Probably dying for.”
    When Garros nodded in agreement, Ezra shivered.
    “It’s just the four of us against an entire horde of creatures, against what’s been called a god. If we’re not careful, even our own weapons, our only means of protection, can destroy us.” She pointed her finger at the Creuxen. “ We have to be stronger than them . We have to be in control of them . Without them, we might be helpless, but without us, they are nothing. So we’ll take that risk, because we have to. We’ll rest today and continue tomorrow.”
    She looked up at the heavens.
    “We might have to give up our sanity and our lives, but not just yet.”
    Not . . . just . . . yet , Nandi’s voice repeated deep inside Ezra’s mind, and he shivered