The Unquiet Mind (The Greek Village Collection Book 8) by Sara Alexi Page B

that we are experiencing. It is only as we step over that threshold, into the fear so to speak, that we can truly name it.’
    ‘Yes but meanwhile, we are feeling fearful,’ Yanni offers.
    ‘That’s what I am saying. It is not really a feeling. It is a thought, a pre-emptory thought. That’s the demon, and he is not on the mainland.’
    ‘You never mention God when you lecture me,’ Yanni says.
    ‘Do I need to?’ she asks. ‘I have always found logic works better with you.’ Her eyes dance a little, waiting for his response.
    ‘I think you are the demon that eats islanders for breakfast,’ Yanni rejoins, his attention being drawn by the sound of Suzi scraping her hoof on the ground outside. She will be hungry. He is also hungry.
    ‘There is another thing, too.’ Her hand raises to the cross around her neck. ‘Sophia.’ She waits. Yanni stops breathing for a second. ‘I cannot tell you how she is in the nunnery near Saros; maybe she has moved to another nunnery. But even if I did know anything about her life, I think it would make very little difference to you. The Sophia you hold in your heart, who keeps you from being at peace, is not the Sophia who has spent the last nineteen years in God’s service. Maybe it is time to face that, too; realise you are holding onto a dream, an imaginary person. Go Yanni, visit her, realise she is not the same person. Give yourself peace.’ The last sentence she says with energy.
    His throat is too constricted to speak. He smooths out his moustache and then wraps his arms across his chest. ‘No.’ He says it quietly.
    ‘Yanni, we have spent many hours together learning, and it was not revealed to me until recently what all the learning was for. Do not use the dream, a dream that, if treated right could turn into a lovely memory, to hamper your life.’
    ‘But …’ His voice is almost a whisper.
    ‘Again, we have fear, but is what you feel fear or is it another emotion that you will not truly know until you meet her face to face? Maybe it will be relief, relief that you can let her go. Or excitement, excitement that you no longer have your loyalty to her holding you back.’
    ‘But it may be heartbreak at my loss.’ Yanni is not sure if he says the words out loud.
    ‘And the fear is you would not cope with that loss. That is our ultimate fear, I think, the fear that we cannot cope.’ Sister Katerina makes it all sound so easy.
    ‘What if I cannot cope?’
    ‘What does that even mean, Yanni? How would it manifest itself if you “could not cope”? What would it look like?’
    ‘I don’t know.’
    ‘Ah, so now you fear the unknown again. Maybe “Not being able to cope” feels like sadness, or emptiness, or even hopelessness.’ Katerina waits for some acknowledgement of what she has said. Yanni lets his arms drop to his lap. ‘Feeling sad or empty or hopeless doesn’t feel nice, but how long do those feelings last? We cope with them, Yanni. It is part of human nature.’
    He leans forward, his elbows across his knees, his head hanging.
    ‘The truth is, Yanni, unless you go and you face these things, nothing will change. You will continue on the hill there with your parents, a piece of you yearning for a love that will never be, until God takes your family and then you will be truly alone, and maybe you will have missed your chance to find love and your dreams will be of little comfort then.’
    The garden is quiet. The day of buzzing and searching for nectar is over for the insects. The roses in the twilight look black, the moonlight gives a glow to the edges of the paths where Sister Katerina has whitewashed. Yanni wipes his hands down his jeans, sits back, and takes a deep breath.
    ‘So you will go?’ Sister Katerina asks lightly.
    ‘So I just walk up to the convent door, knock, and ask to speak to her? What if she doesn’t want to speak to me?’
    ‘For that, you must trust in God,’ she says. ‘Besides, I have something that I really need to