out, hoping to get the boys to pay more attention to them. Their parents and teachers were worried.
And then there was Amanda.
We started that Tuesday night only five minutes late, which was better than usual. Right away it was clear that everyone was jittery, especially Timothy, who literally couldn’t sit still.Hugh kept casting glances at him as if making sure he was all right. Amanda kept looking over at him, too, but as if she knew he wasn’t okay. Jeremy was tapping his foot on the floor in a precise rhythm and Charlie was biting his nails.
When Timothy clicked his pen for the fifth time in a row, I asked him to tell me what was going on.
He shrugged.
Charlie cleared his throat.
Jeremy turned and looked out of the window so that I couldn’t see his face.
Amanda opened her bag and fished around in it for a few seconds, brought out a Band-Aid and proceeded to put it over the cut.
“Timothy?” I asked again.
He didn’t respond.
The Goth girl, Jodi, leaned over and whispered to him. It sounded to me as if she’d said
tell her,
but I wasn’t sure, so I asked her to repeat what she’d said so we all could hear it.
“It was nothing.”
“Timothy, do you want to tell us what Jodi said?”
He shrugged.
“I think she said ‘tell her.’ Is that right?” I pushed.
Timothy still didn’t answer.
“Jodi, is that what you said?”
She looked at me but didn’t respond. Living with a teenager myself, I knew that more often than not, no answer was code for the affirmative. But why wouldn’t she answer? What was she scared of?
“Tell me what, Timothy? You’re not going to get in trouble, but let’s get it out in the open.”
“I was online, okay?”
I ignored the sarcasm. “Good, thanks for telling me. Did you try to call anyone before you went online?”
We’d set up a buddy system, and each kid was supposed to call and at least discuss his urge to go into a chat room or porn site before giving in to it. To date, we hadn’t had much success. In other addiction-therapy programs the act of stopping to make the call worked well and I was still hoping it would have some effect here if I could get the kids to make the calls. The problem was these boys couldn’t understand what was wrong with what they were doing other than that adults were telling them they shouldn’t be doing it.
“No, I didn’t try to call anyone.” Timothy sounded irritated.
“Did you even think about calling?”
“What happened…wasn’t about me getting off. It was about what I saw.”
“What did you see?”
He was, once again, silent.
Amanda was playing with the edge of the Band-Aid she’d just affixed.
“Timothy, what did Jodi think you should tell me?”
“I saw something freaky online, okay? It was bad. Now, can we drop it?”
“Bad?”
“Oh, Jesus. No matter what anyone says, you have another question,” Hugh said impatiently.
“None of you have to answer any of my questions. Most of the time, you don’t. I know some of you guys don’t want to be here. In fact, I know you’d rather be anywhere else. But it’s nonnegotiable. Hugh, why do you think you’re here?”
“Because we go online.”
“Just go online?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“We go online too much. You think, everyone thinks, that we have no control.”
“When you are sitting there and you haven’t clicked the mouse yet, but you’ve typed in the URL of the porn site, what are you thinking about?”
He shrugged.
“It’s not a test, it’s just a question. Think about sitting there. The screen is on your homework, but the Web address of a porn site is typed in…. You don’t have to click over…you don’t have to give in… What are you thinking?”
“It’s not about giving in,” Hugh said. “It’s just there. It’s so easy. Why shouldn’t I go? Who the hell am I hurting? That’s what I just don’t get about this. Who cares so much?”
I looked around the room, waiting to see if anyone was going to
And then there was Amanda.
We started that Tuesday night only five minutes late, which was better than usual. Right away it was clear that everyone was jittery, especially Timothy, who literally couldn’t sit still.Hugh kept casting glances at him as if making sure he was all right. Amanda kept looking over at him, too, but as if she knew he wasn’t okay. Jeremy was tapping his foot on the floor in a precise rhythm and Charlie was biting his nails.
When Timothy clicked his pen for the fifth time in a row, I asked him to tell me what was going on.
He shrugged.
Charlie cleared his throat.
Jeremy turned and looked out of the window so that I couldn’t see his face.
Amanda opened her bag and fished around in it for a few seconds, brought out a Band-Aid and proceeded to put it over the cut.
“Timothy?” I asked again.
He didn’t respond.
The Goth girl, Jodi, leaned over and whispered to him. It sounded to me as if she’d said
tell her,
but I wasn’t sure, so I asked her to repeat what she’d said so we all could hear it.
“It was nothing.”
“Timothy, do you want to tell us what Jodi said?”
He shrugged.
“I think she said ‘tell her.’ Is that right?” I pushed.
Timothy still didn’t answer.
“Jodi, is that what you said?”
She looked at me but didn’t respond. Living with a teenager myself, I knew that more often than not, no answer was code for the affirmative. But why wouldn’t she answer? What was she scared of?
“Tell me what, Timothy? You’re not going to get in trouble, but let’s get it out in the open.”
“I was online, okay?”
I ignored the sarcasm. “Good, thanks for telling me. Did you try to call anyone before you went online?”
We’d set up a buddy system, and each kid was supposed to call and at least discuss his urge to go into a chat room or porn site before giving in to it. To date, we hadn’t had much success. In other addiction-therapy programs the act of stopping to make the call worked well and I was still hoping it would have some effect here if I could get the kids to make the calls. The problem was these boys couldn’t understand what was wrong with what they were doing other than that adults were telling them they shouldn’t be doing it.
“No, I didn’t try to call anyone.” Timothy sounded irritated.
“Did you even think about calling?”
“What happened…wasn’t about me getting off. It was about what I saw.”
“What did you see?”
He was, once again, silent.
Amanda was playing with the edge of the Band-Aid she’d just affixed.
“Timothy, what did Jodi think you should tell me?”
“I saw something freaky online, okay? It was bad. Now, can we drop it?”
“Bad?”
“Oh, Jesus. No matter what anyone says, you have another question,” Hugh said impatiently.
“None of you have to answer any of my questions. Most of the time, you don’t. I know some of you guys don’t want to be here. In fact, I know you’d rather be anywhere else. But it’s nonnegotiable. Hugh, why do you think you’re here?”
“Because we go online.”
“Just go online?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“We go online too much. You think, everyone thinks, that we have no control.”
“When you are sitting there and you haven’t clicked the mouse yet, but you’ve typed in the URL of the porn site, what are you thinking about?”
He shrugged.
“It’s not a test, it’s just a question. Think about sitting there. The screen is on your homework, but the Web address of a porn site is typed in…. You don’t have to click over…you don’t have to give in… What are you thinking?”
“It’s not about giving in,” Hugh said. “It’s just there. It’s so easy. Why shouldn’t I go? Who the hell am I hurting? That’s what I just don’t get about this. Who cares so much?”
I looked around the room, waiting to see if anyone was going to
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