skillful. She is everything you want to be, and she has been teaching you, although she has no obligation to.”
My mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Of course I knew about it,” she said. “There is little I don’t know about what happens here.”
The Lady put her hands on my shoulders and turned me to face her.
“Your mother is my dearest friend,” she said. “Your family and mine were the first to take this land. Together we have held it for many generations, and we will hold it for many generations more. I’ve put my trust in you, believing that of all the people in my service, you would not be turned against me.” She looked long into my eyes. “Do you belong to your warrior or to me?”
“To you,” I said.
It was the only answer I could give her, though it hurt my heart to say it. I felt Maara’s disappointment, as if she could have heard me, yet by her oath she belonged to the Lady just as I did.
The Lady smiled. “Good,” she said.
“What do you believe she’s going to do?”
“I have no idea,” she replied. “Maara may be just what she claims to be, or she may not. If I had known she was leaving for the frontier, I would have sent someone with her, to see that she joined our warriors there. If you had come home yesterday, I would have sent someone after her, but as it is, all we can do now is wait for news. If she joins Vintel, I will know it within the week. If not, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.”
“I can’t believe she would betray us. I would trust her with my life.”
“And with all our lives?”
“She almost lost her life in your service,” I reminded her.
“She made her oath to me. She did no more than keep it.”
“Why did you accept her oath if you were so afraid of her?”
“I accepted her because she had nowhere else to go, and because I trusted my own feelings about her, but it’s always wise to make sure that one’s feelings tell the truth.”
The Lady gave me a quick hug, the first she’d ever given me, and kissed my brow.
“I know you meant well,” she said. “Try not to worry about this. There may be no harm done, and even if she does betray us to the northern tribes, we are much stronger than they. The knowledge of our strength should only discourage them from trying it.”
That night I went to my bed in tears. I had failed in my obligation to the Lady. She had warned me not to be too trusting, but in all the time I’d spent with Maara, I never doubted her intentions for a minute. Now I didn’t know if I had been right or wrong.
A week went by without news. After another week, we knew my warrior hadn’t joined Vintel’s band. The Lady said nothing more to me about it. She must have known how sorry I was that I had disappointed her, and she was wise enough not to humiliate me by saying, “I told you so.”
My head and my heart could not agree. When I tried to convince myself that Maara had betrayed us, I could easily find evidence against her. We had explored Merin’s land together, and now she had knowledge, not only of the countryside, but of our defenses and our weaknesses. She had asked me many questions I couldn’t answer since I too was a newcomer to Merin’s house. Because I felt close to her, all the more so because she was close to no one else, I would have told her anything.
But my heart would not believe she had been false to us. My heart missed her and worried about her. My heart reminded me of the times I’d made her laugh and the times I’d seen her watching me with pride when I was learning something new. My heart remembered the kindness in her eyes. When I remembered these things, I forgot what my head told me. I believed my heart.
I moved my bed back to the companions’ loft. I felt less lonely there, even though most of the companions, including Sparrow, were away with their warriors at the frontier. Every day I went out into the countryside to help bring in the harvest. It gave me something to do,
My mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Of course I knew about it,” she said. “There is little I don’t know about what happens here.”
The Lady put her hands on my shoulders and turned me to face her.
“Your mother is my dearest friend,” she said. “Your family and mine were the first to take this land. Together we have held it for many generations, and we will hold it for many generations more. I’ve put my trust in you, believing that of all the people in my service, you would not be turned against me.” She looked long into my eyes. “Do you belong to your warrior or to me?”
“To you,” I said.
It was the only answer I could give her, though it hurt my heart to say it. I felt Maara’s disappointment, as if she could have heard me, yet by her oath she belonged to the Lady just as I did.
The Lady smiled. “Good,” she said.
“What do you believe she’s going to do?”
“I have no idea,” she replied. “Maara may be just what she claims to be, or she may not. If I had known she was leaving for the frontier, I would have sent someone with her, to see that she joined our warriors there. If you had come home yesterday, I would have sent someone after her, but as it is, all we can do now is wait for news. If she joins Vintel, I will know it within the week. If not, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.”
“I can’t believe she would betray us. I would trust her with my life.”
“And with all our lives?”
“She almost lost her life in your service,” I reminded her.
“She made her oath to me. She did no more than keep it.”
“Why did you accept her oath if you were so afraid of her?”
“I accepted her because she had nowhere else to go, and because I trusted my own feelings about her, but it’s always wise to make sure that one’s feelings tell the truth.”
The Lady gave me a quick hug, the first she’d ever given me, and kissed my brow.
“I know you meant well,” she said. “Try not to worry about this. There may be no harm done, and even if she does betray us to the northern tribes, we are much stronger than they. The knowledge of our strength should only discourage them from trying it.”
That night I went to my bed in tears. I had failed in my obligation to the Lady. She had warned me not to be too trusting, but in all the time I’d spent with Maara, I never doubted her intentions for a minute. Now I didn’t know if I had been right or wrong.
A week went by without news. After another week, we knew my warrior hadn’t joined Vintel’s band. The Lady said nothing more to me about it. She must have known how sorry I was that I had disappointed her, and she was wise enough not to humiliate me by saying, “I told you so.”
My head and my heart could not agree. When I tried to convince myself that Maara had betrayed us, I could easily find evidence against her. We had explored Merin’s land together, and now she had knowledge, not only of the countryside, but of our defenses and our weaknesses. She had asked me many questions I couldn’t answer since I too was a newcomer to Merin’s house. Because I felt close to her, all the more so because she was close to no one else, I would have told her anything.
But my heart would not believe she had been false to us. My heart missed her and worried about her. My heart reminded me of the times I’d made her laugh and the times I’d seen her watching me with pride when I was learning something new. My heart remembered the kindness in her eyes. When I remembered these things, I forgot what my head told me. I believed my heart.
I moved my bed back to the companions’ loft. I felt less lonely there, even though most of the companions, including Sparrow, were away with their warriors at the frontier. Every day I went out into the countryside to help bring in the harvest. It gave me something to do,
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