The Wet Nurse's Tale by Erica Eisdorfer

bothered much by sickness in the morning which always troubled my mother so. My apron and my bulk hid what needed to be hid. I still did my work well and had Mrs. Hart’s approval, and to be truthful about it all, I hated to disappoint her as much as I feared my father’s wrath. It was right amazing to me that she’d never caught on to my condition, seeing as she’d see a pin out of place in a curtain, but I suppose she never thought of me as that sort of girl. Letty was that sort, and I know that Mrs. Hart often scolded her to be careful of herself. I, on the other hand, didn’t seem to need the same advice. First, I kept myself to myself as far as boys went. Second, they didn’t cast me a glance, anyhow. I knew how she’d feel when she found out: as if I’d cheated her because she hadn’t caught on to me herself. That doesn’t make sense, does it, but Mrs. Hart would hold a grudge against a person for a thing that didn’t.
    I hid myself from Mary easily enough. I waited til she changed into her own nightclothes and had her shift over her head and then quick as a blink I’d change mine. I’ve always been quick and anyone’s quicker than she is so it was easy as cake.
    Even Master Freddie hadn’t caught on, though our meetings had continued just up til he left for town. It makes me blush to say it, but as my front grew, I just turned so that I wasn’t on my back, you see, and that seemed to both please and distract him. I knew that he’d wonder where I’d learned such a thing, but I didn’t want his weight on me in the front, and that’s what made me remember how animals couple in the fields and wonder if it would work for us too.
    Only once did someone cast me a look and that was Mrs. Bonney herself. Just two days before they left for London, I had climbed up on the library ladder to dust a shelf of books when she walked into the room. I curtsied from up there, and she waved me back to my work and walked over to the window to stare out of it for a moment. When I glanced at her again, she was staring hard at my stomach. I realized I had my arms up over my head, one hand steadying myself against a shelf above my shoulder while I dusted the books with a cloth, and that in this posture, I stuck out a great deal. I quickly lowered my arms and turned my face back to my work, but I could feel her eyes on me til she walked out of the room. For a few days after that, every time Mrs. Hart spoke to me, I’d hold my breath, but nothing ever came of it and so I calmed myself.
    When I finally resigned my position to Mrs. Hart, it plainly shocked her and made her angry. I wouldn’t tell her my real reason. Instead I told her that it had to do with my mother’s health. It seemed to me that it was all my business and that I was less likely to poison Mrs. Hart against the young ones in our family if she didn’t know the truth. In a village like ours, and unless you have a trade which none of us Roses did but for my brother John, the Great House is the best hope for employment that we have.
    I told Mary because, after all, she’s family isn’t she, and then I had to threaten her to keep her peace about it.
    “But, Susan,” said Mary, “who can have done it to you? I never saw you with a man, not once.”
    “Aye, well, that’s my secret and I’ll keep it, if you please. Only don’t tell anyone here about why I’ve gone and if they think they’ve guessed, you deny it for me, Mary.”
    “Susan,” she said, suddenly all over horrified, “it cannot be that it was the master, can it? Not like Ellen?”
    “As if I would have let that bastard near enough me to . . .” said I. “No, twas someone else, someone you do not know of.”
    “Oh,” said she, sobbing, like she always does at the slightest little grief, “they’ll all find out anyhow and we’ll be disgraced. You know it’s true.”
    “Mary,” said I, “just you make sure it’s not you who’s told them. For if you do,” I said and clenched my