pen, other times they were content to just be together
without the pressure to deal with all the loose ends that awaited resolution.
Two weeks after the Fourth of July, he
asked her again to take a walk with him. “We don’t have to go to the willow,”
he pleaded. “We can find a new place. I need to be with you, Carly. We never
have a minute alone here.”
She shook her head.
Making an effort to keep his cool, he
asked, “You can’t or you won’t?”
She reached for the pad and wrote,
“Can’t.”
Brian stared at the single word on the
white page for several seconds before he looked up at her. “What are you
saying?” Up until then he’d thought she was hiding out at home so she wouldn’t
have to face a world without their friends. Now, as he wondered if there was
something more to it than that, the icy knot of fear that settled in his gut
reminded him of the night of the accident when she’d had to be sedated to stop
screaming. “Do you feel like you can’t leave the house?”
With a hesitant nod, she confirmed his
fear.
“Carly, honey, come on ! What do
you think will happen? I’d be right there with you.” With his hand wrapped
tightly around hers, he stood and headed for the porch stairs, determined to
show her she was wrong.
Resisting him with everything she had,
she fought wildly to get free.
He turned, and the terrified expression
on her face stopped him cold. His heart started to beat faster as he studied
her for an endless moment. “If you can’t leave this house, how will you go to
Michigan?”
She looked down at the floor.
And then suddenly he understood. “You’re
not going, are you?” He pushed his hands through his hair as he struggled to
absorb the blow. “ When were you going to tell me?”
Picking up the pen that had fallen to the
porch floor, she wrote, “Soon.”
He was incredulous. “ Soon? We’re
due to leave in two weeks , Carly!”
“Do you really think I can go like this?”
she wrote frantically.
“Why not? You can get around and go to
class and do everything anyone else can do.”
“Except talk!” She underlined talk
several times.
“You can write notes. I’ll talk for you.
We can do this, Carly. I know we can. There’s nothing we can’t get
through as long as we’re together.”
“I can’t.”
He took a deep breath in an attempt to
calm the burst of panic. “What about our engagement? You said you’d marry me.”
“I still want to. That hasn’t changed. It
never will.”
“So what? We get married and live in the
house you won’t leave for the rest of our lives? Is that really how you expect
me to live?”
“I hope in time I’ll feel differently.”
“What if you never do? Where does that
leave me?”
“I need some more time. I’m sorry.”
He kneeled in front of her and took her
hands. “Listen to me,” he said, suddenly feeling as if his very life was on the
line. “The best thing we can do for ourselves is get the hell out of this town
and start a whole new life somewhere else, somewhere that isn’t haunted by
memories and ghosts.”
Her eyes filled, and she turned her face
away.
With a hand on her chin, he brought her
back to him. “We have a chance to start all over. School is paid for, we have a
place to live, and after everything that’s happened, I guarantee you our
parents would be thrilled to see us married and living together in Michigan. We
can have everything we’ve ever dreamed of, but I can’t do it by myself. You
have to help me, Carly. You have to try.” His voice broke, and tears filled his
eyes. “Please.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tore
her eyes away from his to write, “I’m not ready. Maybe next year I’ll be
stronger.”
After he read what she’d written, he
studied her for a long time. And then, without another word, he stood, went
down the stairs and out the gate.
The
next day he called to say he was having dinner with his parents and wouldn’t be
by to see Carly. The
without the pressure to deal with all the loose ends that awaited resolution.
Two weeks after the Fourth of July, he
asked her again to take a walk with him. “We don’t have to go to the willow,”
he pleaded. “We can find a new place. I need to be with you, Carly. We never
have a minute alone here.”
She shook her head.
Making an effort to keep his cool, he
asked, “You can’t or you won’t?”
She reached for the pad and wrote,
“Can’t.”
Brian stared at the single word on the
white page for several seconds before he looked up at her. “What are you
saying?” Up until then he’d thought she was hiding out at home so she wouldn’t
have to face a world without their friends. Now, as he wondered if there was
something more to it than that, the icy knot of fear that settled in his gut
reminded him of the night of the accident when she’d had to be sedated to stop
screaming. “Do you feel like you can’t leave the house?”
With a hesitant nod, she confirmed his
fear.
“Carly, honey, come on ! What do
you think will happen? I’d be right there with you.” With his hand wrapped
tightly around hers, he stood and headed for the porch stairs, determined to
show her she was wrong.
Resisting him with everything she had,
she fought wildly to get free.
He turned, and the terrified expression
on her face stopped him cold. His heart started to beat faster as he studied
her for an endless moment. “If you can’t leave this house, how will you go to
Michigan?”
She looked down at the floor.
And then suddenly he understood. “You’re
not going, are you?” He pushed his hands through his hair as he struggled to
absorb the blow. “ When were you going to tell me?”
Picking up the pen that had fallen to the
porch floor, she wrote, “Soon.”
He was incredulous. “ Soon? We’re
due to leave in two weeks , Carly!”
“Do you really think I can go like this?”
she wrote frantically.
“Why not? You can get around and go to
class and do everything anyone else can do.”
“Except talk!” She underlined talk
several times.
“You can write notes. I’ll talk for you.
We can do this, Carly. I know we can. There’s nothing we can’t get
through as long as we’re together.”
“I can’t.”
He took a deep breath in an attempt to
calm the burst of panic. “What about our engagement? You said you’d marry me.”
“I still want to. That hasn’t changed. It
never will.”
“So what? We get married and live in the
house you won’t leave for the rest of our lives? Is that really how you expect
me to live?”
“I hope in time I’ll feel differently.”
“What if you never do? Where does that
leave me?”
“I need some more time. I’m sorry.”
He kneeled in front of her and took her
hands. “Listen to me,” he said, suddenly feeling as if his very life was on the
line. “The best thing we can do for ourselves is get the hell out of this town
and start a whole new life somewhere else, somewhere that isn’t haunted by
memories and ghosts.”
Her eyes filled, and she turned her face
away.
With a hand on her chin, he brought her
back to him. “We have a chance to start all over. School is paid for, we have a
place to live, and after everything that’s happened, I guarantee you our
parents would be thrilled to see us married and living together in Michigan. We
can have everything we’ve ever dreamed of, but I can’t do it by myself. You
have to help me, Carly. You have to try.” His voice broke, and tears filled his
eyes. “Please.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tore
her eyes away from his to write, “I’m not ready. Maybe next year I’ll be
stronger.”
After he read what she’d written, he
studied her for a long time. And then, without another word, he stood, went
down the stairs and out the gate.
The
next day he called to say he was having dinner with his parents and wouldn’t be
by to see Carly. The
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