examinations, and confessions. Belinda now knew them better than anyone outside their families, and she’d peered into practically every corner of their house. Now all the social worker had to do was collect their letters of reference, write her report, and submit it to the state. If she was any kind of a friend, she’d do those things as quickly as she could.
Megan pulled herself off the door and moved toward the kitchen, where Dave was rummaging in the refrigerator. Poor man. In all the excitement, she hadn’t even thought about dinner.
“Hey,” she whispered, coming up behind him and slipping her arms about his waist, “you want to go out for a bite? Celebrate the end of the inquisition?”
Hunched inside the open door, he froze. “I’m afraid I don’t really feel much like celebrating.”
His flat tone caught her by surprise. She stepped to the side and peered at his face. “You sick or something?”
His skin color was normal, his eyes set and serious. “Things at school are in a bit of an upheaval.”
Relieved, she waved the matter away. “Things at school will settle down, they always do.” Suddenly thirsty, she moved to the cupboard and took out a glass. “That went well, don’t you think? Belinda seemed to like the house.”
Dave pulled a package of bologna from the fridge. “What’s not to like?”
A little annoyed by his curt tone, Megan turned and studied him. Had the home study process taken a toll on him, too? She’d tried to relieve his stress by handling all the appointments and correspondence herself, but perhaps she’d underestimated the mental burden he carried.
A malicious little voice cackled from some obscure corner of her brain. What mental burden did he carry? Though she knew he wanted a child as much as she did, he’d come through the adoption process relatively unscathed. He had not had to endure the trial of knowing all his friends were pregnant. He hadn’t spent more than twenty months playing pregnancy guessing games with his body and refusing to take medicine for a head cold on the chance that he might be pregnant. He had a job, an important career, to distract him from the waiting and the frustration, while puppies and kittens and birth and life surrounded her even at the office . . .
“Listen.” Against her will, her voice trembled. “I think we’ve come through this pretty well, and it’d be nice if you could celebrate with me. I know things aren’t always perfect at school, Dave, but school is only a job, and what we’ve been dealing with here is our entire life . Our family, our dreams for the future, who we are—all those things are wrapped up in this adoption. So I’d appreciate it if you could put the school out of your mind for a couple of hours and think about what’s really important.”
He turned to her, concern and confusion mixing in his eyes. “Meg, I’ve been with you every step of the way.”
She lifted a hand. “Not quite. On the surface, sure, you’ve been great. But you don’t know what I’ve been going through, Dave, not really. I haven’t told you a lot of things because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
A sudden spasm of grief knit his brows. “You mean . . . because this is all my fault.”
Wincing, Megan clutched the edge of the counter, drowning in waves of guilt. She’d promised never to bring this issue up. She had never wanted to shake her finger in his face or point to the reason why they couldn’t have biological children . . . but maybe she’d been pointing all along, and had been too engrossed to realize it.
“Honey,” she closed her eyes, “I love you, and I know God put us together. I don’t blame you for anything, and I know God has allowed this for a reason. It’s the reason I can’t understand. Of all the men I know, you’re the one who would make the best father, and I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was old enough to dress my cat in baby clothes. I’ve been ready, I’ve been willing, and I
Megan pulled herself off the door and moved toward the kitchen, where Dave was rummaging in the refrigerator. Poor man. In all the excitement, she hadn’t even thought about dinner.
“Hey,” she whispered, coming up behind him and slipping her arms about his waist, “you want to go out for a bite? Celebrate the end of the inquisition?”
Hunched inside the open door, he froze. “I’m afraid I don’t really feel much like celebrating.”
His flat tone caught her by surprise. She stepped to the side and peered at his face. “You sick or something?”
His skin color was normal, his eyes set and serious. “Things at school are in a bit of an upheaval.”
Relieved, she waved the matter away. “Things at school will settle down, they always do.” Suddenly thirsty, she moved to the cupboard and took out a glass. “That went well, don’t you think? Belinda seemed to like the house.”
Dave pulled a package of bologna from the fridge. “What’s not to like?”
A little annoyed by his curt tone, Megan turned and studied him. Had the home study process taken a toll on him, too? She’d tried to relieve his stress by handling all the appointments and correspondence herself, but perhaps she’d underestimated the mental burden he carried.
A malicious little voice cackled from some obscure corner of her brain. What mental burden did he carry? Though she knew he wanted a child as much as she did, he’d come through the adoption process relatively unscathed. He had not had to endure the trial of knowing all his friends were pregnant. He hadn’t spent more than twenty months playing pregnancy guessing games with his body and refusing to take medicine for a head cold on the chance that he might be pregnant. He had a job, an important career, to distract him from the waiting and the frustration, while puppies and kittens and birth and life surrounded her even at the office . . .
“Listen.” Against her will, her voice trembled. “I think we’ve come through this pretty well, and it’d be nice if you could celebrate with me. I know things aren’t always perfect at school, Dave, but school is only a job, and what we’ve been dealing with here is our entire life . Our family, our dreams for the future, who we are—all those things are wrapped up in this adoption. So I’d appreciate it if you could put the school out of your mind for a couple of hours and think about what’s really important.”
He turned to her, concern and confusion mixing in his eyes. “Meg, I’ve been with you every step of the way.”
She lifted a hand. “Not quite. On the surface, sure, you’ve been great. But you don’t know what I’ve been going through, Dave, not really. I haven’t told you a lot of things because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
A sudden spasm of grief knit his brows. “You mean . . . because this is all my fault.”
Wincing, Megan clutched the edge of the counter, drowning in waves of guilt. She’d promised never to bring this issue up. She had never wanted to shake her finger in his face or point to the reason why they couldn’t have biological children . . . but maybe she’d been pointing all along, and had been too engrossed to realize it.
“Honey,” she closed her eyes, “I love you, and I know God put us together. I don’t blame you for anything, and I know God has allowed this for a reason. It’s the reason I can’t understand. Of all the men I know, you’re the one who would make the best father, and I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was old enough to dress my cat in baby clothes. I’ve been ready, I’ve been willing, and I
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