bloody queues! Queues had been a bone of
contention with Dex when it came to booking the Theme Planet holiday in the
first place. He’d protested long and hard and longer and even harder, saying he
didn’t want to spend a King’s Ransom on a holiday where you spent most of your
time standing aimlessly in queues. And even though the Monolith Corporation’s
Theme Planet literature proclaimed otherwise, Dex still didn’t believe.
“Yeah?” he snapped.
“They promised there’d be no
queues.”
“We’ll see,” he snarled. “No
holiday is that bloody good. “ But he had to admit it, as they were
guided towards their very own personal hover bus, as provided for
each and every single family on vacation, he had to grind his damn teeth
and actually admit it.
It was starting to look as good
as the promise.
As the bus doors opened with a phizz, the Personal Drone - which was a small black ball, about the size of a tennis
ball and hovering at shoulder height - spun around and glowed softly through
various slots.
“Welcome to the Theme Planet,”
said the Personal Drone. “My name is Lex. I am a GradeB PopBot Pleasure
Mechanism with advanced SynthAI and a Machine Intelligence Rating (MIR) score
of 2750. I am here to be of constant assistance, and I am indeed your personal
servant, Theme Planet guide, childcare facility and even food critic. I have an
inbuilt PersonalityChip™ which means every single PopBot PD is unique and can
provide endless hours of fun and entertainment. I can even quote Shunkspeare.”
“How’s it going, Lex?” said
Molly, pushing her face in close.
“It’s going fine, Molly,” said
Lex, glowing amber. “I see you have a Hellhorror PinkPunk doll. They’re groovy.
If you press the button at the base of its spine, it’ll do the famous PinkPunk
PunkDance.”
“Cool!” beamed Molly.
The PopBot rotated to Dex, who
growled at it. He didn’t like machines. Well, not unless they took bullets and
killed bad guys.
“Hello, Dexter.”
“Dex to you.”
“Hello Dex-to-you. A-ha-ha-ha.
Sorry. That is my ComedyCircuit™. It means I have comedy.”
“Would you like me to shove this
whiskey up your...”
“Dex!”
“Sorry. Sorry.”
“Ahh, your entry whiskey, Uncle
Scrote’s Finest Single Tantalus Malt. A fine dram, if I may be so bold.”
“Do you want some?”
“Alas,” said Lex, his soothing
male voice quavering a little, “I fear it would burn out my circuits and render
me useless.”
“Really? That’s interesting,”
said Dex, raising an eyebrow.
“Dex,” said Katrina, again.
“Okay, my happy little family of
Colls, if you’d all like to board the bus, we’ll be on our way to your fabulous
Hotel Suite. As you are aware, you are staying in the Kool Kid Zone which
allows you endless access to the Lolly Pop Forest, Area 51B, the Water Fun
Zone, the Gingerbread Mountains, the Dinozens and Create-An-Alien, amongst
many, many, many other attractions! How hot would you like your bath water?”
“Sorry?” said Katrina, who had
just climbed aboard the hover bus and was watching in fascination as the
luggage seemed to be loading itself into the hold.
“Bath water? Temperature? They
are running you a Splish-Splash Jacuzzi bath right now, so that you may sink
into bubbly delights with some Greebo Champagne the minute you enter the
snuggling confines of The Kool Kid Zone Hilton Hotel.”
“Hot,” said Kat.
Dex chose a seat at random. There
was a click and a beer appeared in front on him. A chilled Blue Zone
Lager of finest Japachinese brew. He took a swig. It was perfect. And
exactly what he wanted.
As the doors closed, Kat threw a
look at him. The kids were giggling as they played on the back seat of the
hover bus with some Gigglegum, stretching it between their fingers and toes.
“Well?” she said.
“Damn, but they’re good,” said
Dex,
contention with Dex when it came to booking the Theme Planet holiday in the
first place. He’d protested long and hard and longer and even harder, saying he
didn’t want to spend a King’s Ransom on a holiday where you spent most of your
time standing aimlessly in queues. And even though the Monolith Corporation’s
Theme Planet literature proclaimed otherwise, Dex still didn’t believe.
“Yeah?” he snapped.
“They promised there’d be no
queues.”
“We’ll see,” he snarled. “No
holiday is that bloody good. “ But he had to admit it, as they were
guided towards their very own personal hover bus, as provided for
each and every single family on vacation, he had to grind his damn teeth
and actually admit it.
It was starting to look as good
as the promise.
As the bus doors opened with a phizz, the Personal Drone - which was a small black ball, about the size of a tennis
ball and hovering at shoulder height - spun around and glowed softly through
various slots.
“Welcome to the Theme Planet,”
said the Personal Drone. “My name is Lex. I am a GradeB PopBot Pleasure
Mechanism with advanced SynthAI and a Machine Intelligence Rating (MIR) score
of 2750. I am here to be of constant assistance, and I am indeed your personal
servant, Theme Planet guide, childcare facility and even food critic. I have an
inbuilt PersonalityChip™ which means every single PopBot PD is unique and can
provide endless hours of fun and entertainment. I can even quote Shunkspeare.”
“How’s it going, Lex?” said
Molly, pushing her face in close.
“It’s going fine, Molly,” said
Lex, glowing amber. “I see you have a Hellhorror PinkPunk doll. They’re groovy.
If you press the button at the base of its spine, it’ll do the famous PinkPunk
PunkDance.”
“Cool!” beamed Molly.
The PopBot rotated to Dex, who
growled at it. He didn’t like machines. Well, not unless they took bullets and
killed bad guys.
“Hello, Dexter.”
“Dex to you.”
“Hello Dex-to-you. A-ha-ha-ha.
Sorry. That is my ComedyCircuit™. It means I have comedy.”
“Would you like me to shove this
whiskey up your...”
“Dex!”
“Sorry. Sorry.”
“Ahh, your entry whiskey, Uncle
Scrote’s Finest Single Tantalus Malt. A fine dram, if I may be so bold.”
“Do you want some?”
“Alas,” said Lex, his soothing
male voice quavering a little, “I fear it would burn out my circuits and render
me useless.”
“Really? That’s interesting,”
said Dex, raising an eyebrow.
“Dex,” said Katrina, again.
“Okay, my happy little family of
Colls, if you’d all like to board the bus, we’ll be on our way to your fabulous
Hotel Suite. As you are aware, you are staying in the Kool Kid Zone which
allows you endless access to the Lolly Pop Forest, Area 51B, the Water Fun
Zone, the Gingerbread Mountains, the Dinozens and Create-An-Alien, amongst
many, many, many other attractions! How hot would you like your bath water?”
“Sorry?” said Katrina, who had
just climbed aboard the hover bus and was watching in fascination as the
luggage seemed to be loading itself into the hold.
“Bath water? Temperature? They
are running you a Splish-Splash Jacuzzi bath right now, so that you may sink
into bubbly delights with some Greebo Champagne the minute you enter the
snuggling confines of The Kool Kid Zone Hilton Hotel.”
“Hot,” said Kat.
Dex chose a seat at random. There
was a click and a beer appeared in front on him. A chilled Blue Zone
Lager of finest Japachinese brew. He took a swig. It was perfect. And
exactly what he wanted.
As the doors closed, Kat threw a
look at him. The kids were giggling as they played on the back seat of the
hover bus with some Gigglegum, stretching it between their fingers and toes.
“Well?” she said.
“Damn, but they’re good,” said
Dex,
Similar Books
