This Is Falling by Ginger Scott

shoulder
first, and I hold my breath the entire time. I can hear him
breathing behind me, like I’ve tuned out every other sound in the
gym, and I flush when I realize my arms are covered in goosebumps.
I know he sees it, and for a moment, I think I feel him blow gently
on my neck. His fingers finally find my shoulders, and my lips part
and let out a sigh. Thank god he can’t see my face right now.
    His touch is slow and deliberate, his thumbs
circling gently along my back and his fingertips feeling every inch
of bare skin on my shoulders. My eyes are locked on the moderator,
and internally, I’m begging her to forget about the next
announcement; when I see her pull the mic to her lips, I almost
cry.
    “Okay, now freeze right where you are.
Slowly, I want you all to sit on the lap of the person behind
you.”
    I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for
this. I can’t be a girl. Maybe I can dazzle Nate again with
Paige’s blatant nipples. I’m looking for her, actually wanting her
distraction, but she’s a dozen circles away. Cass seems to have
bailed out completely—instead, sitting along the wall with Ty, and
they’re both watching Nate and me, giving each other commentary.
She catches me looking at her and lifts her hand from her knee for
a small wave.
    “I got you,” Nate says over my shoulder,
sending the goosebumps I just got rid of right back along my arms.
Without warning, I’m suddenly sitting back, his hands firmly on my
hips, guiding me onto his legs. Everyone is giggling—everyone…but
me. My body is starting to shake, and I know he can feel it.
    “You won’t fall, I’ve got you,” he says over
my shoulder.
    I’m not worried about falling, I’m worried
about not being able to get out once I’m tangled with other bodies.
And maybe I’m worried about how sitting on Nate’s lap is going to
make me feel.
    His legs are just as strong as his shoulders,
if not stronger. They’re solid, and long, and warm; I can feel my
back pressing against his chest, which is also solid and
strong—unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I don’t even notice the girl
in front of me sitting on my lap; I keep my hands along her
shoulders for support. Sparing a look downward, I see Nate’s hands
still along my waist—and for just a few seconds, my mind fools me,
and I see Josh’s hands instead.
    Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I wish my
vision away. Josh is not here. When I open again, I see the
differences. The last time a boy touched me here—anywhere—his hands
were soft and young, the hands of someone who’s barely lived. It’s
only been two years, but it seems eighteen is so very far from
sixteen. Or maybe it’s just the way Nate is built. His hands are
rough and weathered, and large enough to wrap completely around my
midsection if he wanted them to.
    I must have been holding my breath the entire
time, because it seems minutes have passed without my knowledge,
and I’m on my back with Nate’s perfect, dusty blue-gray eyes
staring back and forth from one eye to the other. His lips are
moving, but I don’t hear any sound. I don’t hear any
sound!
    It doesn’t take long for my heart to react,
and suddenly I’m sitting and fighting and punching to break free.
Exits, where are the exits? Why are Josh’s hands on me again? Why
is he stopping me?
    “Rowe! Rowe! Breathe!”
    Breathe. That’s right; just breathe.
    I blink. It’s like one of those sand drawings
where slowly everything falls into place, and I can see the entire
picture. Most of the other students are leaving the gym, and the
music comes back into focus. I see Cass standing over Nate’s
shoulder. And Nate—Nate is holding me at my shoulders and looking
with concern into my eyes.
    “Wha…what happened?” I ask, wondering why the
room is no longer filled with freshmen sitting in circles.
    “You fainted,” Nate says, moving his hands
from my shoulders to my face. The way he’s squeezing my cheeks
makes me feel as if I’m making a