This Is What Happens Next by Daniel MacIovr

careful where he walks because he’s not just a Jack in the Beanstalk kind of giant but he’s like a mountain kind of giant with airplanes in his hair and clouds are all in his eyes, with just one step he could crush a whole neighbourhood. So he walks very very slowly, very very carefully, until he gets to a place where all the giants hang out. Which is a bar. And in the bar there’s a TV where there is only one show on all the time. Which is
Cheers
. So that you’re watching a show in a bar of a bar—in a bar of a bar—in a bar of a bar. And because then whenever anybody walks in and says: “What’s on?” Everybody gets to go:
Cheers
. Cheers! Glug glug glug glug. And the giants are always standing around saying how good it is the little people aren’t around anymore. And the giant guy is like: “Yeah me too!” But that’s not true. No no that’s not true. Because some nights he called home—but it was hard to hear him on the phone because he has a giant voice and it’s just a regular phone and he was maybe crying. And once he came back in person and broke the door and the giant cops had to come put a coudorer… a coradora…… a courtordera on him. “Okay, people, nothing to see here move along, move along, y’all go back to your happy homes.” And the giant guy he’s crying and crying all the time now and then one day he stops crying long enough to go and wash his face. But the only place he can wash his face is the ocean, so he goes to the ocean and he leans over it and he sees his reflection and in his reflection he sees there’s something in his forehead. It’s a door. He never noticed that before, he thought that bump was just a pimple but it’s not it’s a doorknob. So he opens the door and in his head is this teeny tiny guy. And the giant guy says to the teeny tiny guy, “What the hell are you doing in there?” And the teeny tiny guy jumps out onto the giant guy’s shoulder and the giant says, “What the hell is your name?” And the teeny tiny guy says, “I am Will.” And then the giant guy gets it. He gets it. He gets it he gets it he gets it. This is the teeny tiny guy who has been living in his head from since way from before. Telling him all the wrong things to do. Telling him to drink the magic juice, telling him to get pizza only and never think of something new, telling him to only be grumpy and never give hugs, to go into his room and not come out, telling him not to believe in God. No giants believe in God. Uh uh, uh uh, uh uh. Because they don’t believe the angels are strong enough to carry their giant prayers to heaven. But all they’d have to do is ask for more angels. The angels should know that too but angels aren’t angels because they’re smart. And now the giant is mad because he knows it is Will who made him a giant. So he goes to grab Will but Will jumps off his shoulder and down to the ground and runs away. So the giant starts running after Will because he thinks if he can catch him and crush him that everything will go back to normal and he won’t be a giant anymore. So the giant starts running and as he runs he stomps. Stomping and stomping and stomping. And even still today. And every time he stomps that’s why there’s earthquakes, and the giant is yelling and that’s why there’s thunder, and the giant is crying and every time a teardrop hits the ground that’s why there’s floods, and the giant is swooshing his arms to try and grab Will and that’s why there’s tornadoes.
(whispering)
So be very very very careful if you hear a voice telling you to do things you know you shouldn’t do because you might turn into a giant too.
(a long pause as
KEVIN
regards the audience passively)
    I made that up.
    But it’s true.
    Today my dad’s maybe going to teach me how to ride a bike without training