____
         8.   Do you have balance problems? Yes ____ No ____
         9.   Have you ever had a stroke? Yes ____ No ____
       10.   Do you currently feel sad or depressed? Yes ____ No ____ Only Occasionally ____
       11.   Have you had any changes in your personality? Yes ____ No ____
Dear The Ohio State University, I apologize for acting counter to your instructions and completing your form in purple crayon, rather than ink, but I thought it might make my responses stand out from the pack, offer a little flair. Know what I mean? As for the assistance of others, I needed assistance only with the first question. After that I flew like a donkey. Best, Murph.
         1.   Thomas James Murphy. My parents named me Thomas, after Thomas More, James after James More, and Murphy after themselves.
         2.   09/13/43. On the isle of Inishmaan, in the Aran Islands, in the west of Ireland. As soon as I saw where I was, I taught myself to stand and walk in an effort to escape, but was informed that they donât issue passports to babies. I explained that Iâd be happy just to swim out and drown, but they told me everyone on Inishmaan says that.
         3.   As far as possible. Either in fact or in my mind. A teacher caught me daydreaming in class and asked me, Thomas, would you care to rejoin the group. I said, Not really.
         4.   Both. When my wife, Oona, was alive, I boasted that we had the Americaâs first same-sex marriage. My friend Greenberg used to ask, which sex is that?
         5.   All the above, just like you, you racist bastards.
         6.   No, but I have had problems with drinking. The goddamn arthritis in my right hand makes it difficult to open the Jameson, so I smash the neck of the bottle on the kitchen counter, and hope no glass gets into the whiskey. You know how it is. Sometimes you just lose it. Like the time Woody Hayes, the coach of your football team at The Ohio State University, ran out on the field to tackle a player on the other team. You remember.
         7.   Yes. The blood relative who comes to mind is my uncle Brendan, who was kicked in the head trying to lift the rear end of a plough horse, to impress a girl named Maggie. The first use of the term horseâs ass I believe. Brendan had a lot of problems with thinking.
         8.   Yes. I have balance problems with my checkbook. I can balance it on my nose while singing âThe Mountains of Mourneâ and smoking a stogie. But you probably donât mean that. My problems with balancing my checkbook usually stem from never knowing what I have in my account, which in turn leads to bouncing checks. I bounce better thanI balance. When Máire was little and we were dead broke (God knows why, there being so much money in poetry), I got a letter from one David dâAllesandro of the Chase National Bank, telling me that if I continued to write overdrafts, the bank would âfind it inconvenientâ to maintain my account. I wrote back, Dear Mr. dâAllesandro: If you find it inconvenient that I havenât any money, imagine how it is for my wife and daughter.
         9.   I had a stroke of genius once or twice, but it evaporated before I could get to the typewriter. Do you have strokes of genius at The Ohio State University? The addition of the article The before your name seems like such a stroke. I wonder if other institutions will follow suit, such as The Vanderbilt, and The Amherst.
       10.   Both. But donât worry about
         8.   Do you have balance problems? Yes ____ No ____
         9.   Have you ever had a stroke? Yes ____ No ____
       10.   Do you currently feel sad or depressed? Yes ____ No ____ Only Occasionally ____
       11.   Have you had any changes in your personality? Yes ____ No ____
Dear The Ohio State University, I apologize for acting counter to your instructions and completing your form in purple crayon, rather than ink, but I thought it might make my responses stand out from the pack, offer a little flair. Know what I mean? As for the assistance of others, I needed assistance only with the first question. After that I flew like a donkey. Best, Murph.
         1.   Thomas James Murphy. My parents named me Thomas, after Thomas More, James after James More, and Murphy after themselves.
         2.   09/13/43. On the isle of Inishmaan, in the Aran Islands, in the west of Ireland. As soon as I saw where I was, I taught myself to stand and walk in an effort to escape, but was informed that they donât issue passports to babies. I explained that Iâd be happy just to swim out and drown, but they told me everyone on Inishmaan says that.
         3.   As far as possible. Either in fact or in my mind. A teacher caught me daydreaming in class and asked me, Thomas, would you care to rejoin the group. I said, Not really.
         4.   Both. When my wife, Oona, was alive, I boasted that we had the Americaâs first same-sex marriage. My friend Greenberg used to ask, which sex is that?
         5.   All the above, just like you, you racist bastards.
         6.   No, but I have had problems with drinking. The goddamn arthritis in my right hand makes it difficult to open the Jameson, so I smash the neck of the bottle on the kitchen counter, and hope no glass gets into the whiskey. You know how it is. Sometimes you just lose it. Like the time Woody Hayes, the coach of your football team at The Ohio State University, ran out on the field to tackle a player on the other team. You remember.
         7.   Yes. The blood relative who comes to mind is my uncle Brendan, who was kicked in the head trying to lift the rear end of a plough horse, to impress a girl named Maggie. The first use of the term horseâs ass I believe. Brendan had a lot of problems with thinking.
         8.   Yes. I have balance problems with my checkbook. I can balance it on my nose while singing âThe Mountains of Mourneâ and smoking a stogie. But you probably donât mean that. My problems with balancing my checkbook usually stem from never knowing what I have in my account, which in turn leads to bouncing checks. I bounce better thanI balance. When Máire was little and we were dead broke (God knows why, there being so much money in poetry), I got a letter from one David dâAllesandro of the Chase National Bank, telling me that if I continued to write overdrafts, the bank would âfind it inconvenientâ to maintain my account. I wrote back, Dear Mr. dâAllesandro: If you find it inconvenient that I havenât any money, imagine how it is for my wife and daughter.
         9.   I had a stroke of genius once or twice, but it evaporated before I could get to the typewriter. Do you have strokes of genius at The Ohio State University? The addition of the article The before your name seems like such a stroke. I wonder if other institutions will follow suit, such as The Vanderbilt, and The Amherst.
       10.   Both. But donât worry about
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