her, daring her to choose. “I’m sorry. But there will be other special nights. Just me and you, okay?”
Akia nodded numbly and curled up tighter in the chair. Rae hugged her daughter close, raining kisses on her cheeks until Akia finally giggled in delight. She gave one last look at Sterling and walked out. It was the last time she saw either of them.
Rae breathed in deeply, trying to push the memories away. Slowly, she turned around to face Gail.
“I think I’m in love with him, Gail, and I don’t think he can love me back.”
“How do you know he can’t, or that he doesn’t?”
Rae laughed halfheartedly and slowly unfolded the events of the past two months—Quinn’s physical presence but emotional distance.
“It’s me and Sterling all over again,” Rae said. “And what makes it so sad is that for the first time since…I began to take a chance on feeling again. I get excited about each day, hearing his voice, watching his face when I tell him about some new music I’m working on. He understands how important it is to me, and at the same time he’s turned off by it. And I can’t give it up. My music is all I have. It’s what keeps me going, breathing almost.”
“I hear a but in there somewhere.”
“But I still want him, all of him. Not just what’s left. And I know there is so much more that he’s unwilling to share.”
“Maybe unable, Rae. If I remember correctly the news articles said he lost his wife a few years ago, didn’t he?”
“Yes, the same time as me. Ironic, huh?”
“Maybe, and maybe it’s why you two stumbled across each other. The thing is, you both have found your own way to deal with your losses. You have to admit, Rae, you’re single-minded, always have been and became more so when you lost Sterling and Akia. You turned to the one thing that had always been a constant in your life—your work. Perhaps he can’t. Perhaps he associates it with the pain in his life and can’t or won’t deal with it. Men for all their outward machismo hurt a helluva lot more on the inside than we do, and it takes them longer to heal.”
Rae was quiet for a moment, thinking back to all the times she would go on and on about what she was doing, how great things were going, and he would simply listen, maybe smile. Every now and then he would ask her to play something, but he’d never come near the piano, as if afraid of getting burned. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d asked him to come to the studio or have drinks with her and the band after a session. He’d come twice, and he’d been aloof, almost sullen.Maybe Gail was right. But she believed it was even more than that. What that something was she had no idea.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Gail probed, seeing the faraway look in Rae’s eyes.
“Just trying to put the pieces together. Funny, it was so easy for him to let me go when I told him I couldn’t deal with what was going on with us. I told him he needed to make a choice. He chose to let me go.”
Gail let the words hang in the air, until Rae heard them herself. I told him he had to make a choice. Realization slowly passed across her face and settled. She shut her eyes in acceptance. An image of that last night with Sterling and Akia flashed through her head like a bolt of lightning. Sterling had forced me to choose.
“Oh, God,” she whispered weakly.
“You have a chance to do things differently this time, Rae, if you really want to. Quinn needs to know how you feel. You need to be honest about that, not just to him but to yourself. Have you slept with him?” she asked cautiously.
“No.”
“That’s not a bad thing. Cuts down on the complications. Gives you the opportunity to think with your heart and not your body.”
Rae smiled warmly. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to, believe me. The man turns me on in my sleep.”
“So then why haven’t you two…”
“It’s almost like we’ve been dancing around each
Akia nodded numbly and curled up tighter in the chair. Rae hugged her daughter close, raining kisses on her cheeks until Akia finally giggled in delight. She gave one last look at Sterling and walked out. It was the last time she saw either of them.
Rae breathed in deeply, trying to push the memories away. Slowly, she turned around to face Gail.
“I think I’m in love with him, Gail, and I don’t think he can love me back.”
“How do you know he can’t, or that he doesn’t?”
Rae laughed halfheartedly and slowly unfolded the events of the past two months—Quinn’s physical presence but emotional distance.
“It’s me and Sterling all over again,” Rae said. “And what makes it so sad is that for the first time since…I began to take a chance on feeling again. I get excited about each day, hearing his voice, watching his face when I tell him about some new music I’m working on. He understands how important it is to me, and at the same time he’s turned off by it. And I can’t give it up. My music is all I have. It’s what keeps me going, breathing almost.”
“I hear a but in there somewhere.”
“But I still want him, all of him. Not just what’s left. And I know there is so much more that he’s unwilling to share.”
“Maybe unable, Rae. If I remember correctly the news articles said he lost his wife a few years ago, didn’t he?”
“Yes, the same time as me. Ironic, huh?”
“Maybe, and maybe it’s why you two stumbled across each other. The thing is, you both have found your own way to deal with your losses. You have to admit, Rae, you’re single-minded, always have been and became more so when you lost Sterling and Akia. You turned to the one thing that had always been a constant in your life—your work. Perhaps he can’t. Perhaps he associates it with the pain in his life and can’t or won’t deal with it. Men for all their outward machismo hurt a helluva lot more on the inside than we do, and it takes them longer to heal.”
Rae was quiet for a moment, thinking back to all the times she would go on and on about what she was doing, how great things were going, and he would simply listen, maybe smile. Every now and then he would ask her to play something, but he’d never come near the piano, as if afraid of getting burned. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d asked him to come to the studio or have drinks with her and the band after a session. He’d come twice, and he’d been aloof, almost sullen.Maybe Gail was right. But she believed it was even more than that. What that something was she had no idea.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Gail probed, seeing the faraway look in Rae’s eyes.
“Just trying to put the pieces together. Funny, it was so easy for him to let me go when I told him I couldn’t deal with what was going on with us. I told him he needed to make a choice. He chose to let me go.”
Gail let the words hang in the air, until Rae heard them herself. I told him he had to make a choice. Realization slowly passed across her face and settled. She shut her eyes in acceptance. An image of that last night with Sterling and Akia flashed through her head like a bolt of lightning. Sterling had forced me to choose.
“Oh, God,” she whispered weakly.
“You have a chance to do things differently this time, Rae, if you really want to. Quinn needs to know how you feel. You need to be honest about that, not just to him but to yourself. Have you slept with him?” she asked cautiously.
“No.”
“That’s not a bad thing. Cuts down on the complications. Gives you the opportunity to think with your heart and not your body.”
Rae smiled warmly. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to, believe me. The man turns me on in my sleep.”
“So then why haven’t you two…”
“It’s almost like we’ve been dancing around each
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