saying things like that about the teachings of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!” Mr. Brannigan was screaming. “Without his guidance, man would be bereft of a soul.”
“Yeah but we’d be having a blast!” I shouted back at him.
“Anne you are no longer allowed to see this man. And I use that term loosely,” he said sternly. His face was beet red.
“What about Mrs. Brannigan? Can I see her? I bet she could teach me a thing or two.” I sneered.
“Get out! Get out of my fucking house!” he was raging, pointing his finger towards the front door.
“Hey, man, take it easy…don’t want you to burst an artery or something. Although I guess that would give you something to pray about,” I said as I headed for the door. “Oh, and one more thing,” I said, turning back around. Mr. Brannigan was shaking he was so angry. “This is so far from a fucking house. I emphasized fucking for him.”
“I got it,” Clarence said.
“Want to know what the real funny part was?”
Clarence nodded.
“Mrs. Brannigan called me the next night. She wanted to meet and offer an apology for her husband’s behavior. We screwed for hours, she was like a pent up animal. Once she was let free she ran wild.”
“You’re lying, I know you’re lying.”
“Oh that’s right you can tell. Well, it’s a way better retelling when you don’t know I made that part up.”
“You’re a sick man.”
“You’ve said that before, Clarence. And if you’re that repulsed by me, we can end our little relationship right now,” I growled. He shut up. “See how powerful self-preservation is? I’ll have you walking in my footsteps in no time.”
We made it to the store in another fifteen minutes. Would have been quicker but I stepped on a piece of broken bottle and sliced my foot open pretty bad. I had to awaken Hugh from his nap for some repair duty and then we soldiered on.
“Party City?” Clarence asked as I looked up at the sign.
“You’ll see.” I went up to the front. The door was unlocked and, except for the first third of the store where the candy was housed, it looked relatively untouched. Unless some idiot wanted to pretend he was the Masked Avenger during the apocalypse, this store was going to be left alone. Although who knew, the apocalypse brought all the crazies out of the woodwork.
I walked past the crappy Halloween costumes and to the counter in the rear of the store where the real stuff was rented out.
“Tim what are we doing here?” Clarence asked. I think he had an idea because, if I was thinking it, then chances were he’d be able to pick some of it up considering it was his mind to begin with.
I was ecstatic when I found what I was looking for. I took it off the rack and headed to the back. There was no way I was going to don my new duds as filthy as I was. I found the employee bathroom, and a former employee. At least what was left of her, the right side of her face had been completely gnawed off, but it didn’t look like a zombie attack. Then I saw the rat turds all over the place and the bottle of pills on the floor.
“What a waste of food,” I said, looking down at her.
The rats had been fairly thorough, taking her eyes first and then the soft flesh of her cheeks and mouth. It looked like they’d taken her tongue, too, but I really didn’t care as I pulled her by the ankle out of there.
Fifteen minutes later and the absolute destruction of a bathroom, I was a reasonable rendition of clean.
“Hey, Clarence, want to toss one off? We’ve got a little time to kill.”
Clarence phantom puked again.
“You’re right, that would be a little weird, three guys. It’d be like a circle jerk or something. At least I think Hugh is a guy, I’ve always thought of him that way. Would it make it any better if he were a she? Naw, still two guys. Plus I’m afraid we’d damage your little guy anyway. Maybe later.”
Clarence went sobbing off into the darkness. That was fine by me; I wanted to
“Yeah but we’d be having a blast!” I shouted back at him.
“Anne you are no longer allowed to see this man. And I use that term loosely,” he said sternly. His face was beet red.
“What about Mrs. Brannigan? Can I see her? I bet she could teach me a thing or two.” I sneered.
“Get out! Get out of my fucking house!” he was raging, pointing his finger towards the front door.
“Hey, man, take it easy…don’t want you to burst an artery or something. Although I guess that would give you something to pray about,” I said as I headed for the door. “Oh, and one more thing,” I said, turning back around. Mr. Brannigan was shaking he was so angry. “This is so far from a fucking house. I emphasized fucking for him.”
“I got it,” Clarence said.
“Want to know what the real funny part was?”
Clarence nodded.
“Mrs. Brannigan called me the next night. She wanted to meet and offer an apology for her husband’s behavior. We screwed for hours, she was like a pent up animal. Once she was let free she ran wild.”
“You’re lying, I know you’re lying.”
“Oh that’s right you can tell. Well, it’s a way better retelling when you don’t know I made that part up.”
“You’re a sick man.”
“You’ve said that before, Clarence. And if you’re that repulsed by me, we can end our little relationship right now,” I growled. He shut up. “See how powerful self-preservation is? I’ll have you walking in my footsteps in no time.”
We made it to the store in another fifteen minutes. Would have been quicker but I stepped on a piece of broken bottle and sliced my foot open pretty bad. I had to awaken Hugh from his nap for some repair duty and then we soldiered on.
“Party City?” Clarence asked as I looked up at the sign.
“You’ll see.” I went up to the front. The door was unlocked and, except for the first third of the store where the candy was housed, it looked relatively untouched. Unless some idiot wanted to pretend he was the Masked Avenger during the apocalypse, this store was going to be left alone. Although who knew, the apocalypse brought all the crazies out of the woodwork.
I walked past the crappy Halloween costumes and to the counter in the rear of the store where the real stuff was rented out.
“Tim what are we doing here?” Clarence asked. I think he had an idea because, if I was thinking it, then chances were he’d be able to pick some of it up considering it was his mind to begin with.
I was ecstatic when I found what I was looking for. I took it off the rack and headed to the back. There was no way I was going to don my new duds as filthy as I was. I found the employee bathroom, and a former employee. At least what was left of her, the right side of her face had been completely gnawed off, but it didn’t look like a zombie attack. Then I saw the rat turds all over the place and the bottle of pills on the floor.
“What a waste of food,” I said, looking down at her.
The rats had been fairly thorough, taking her eyes first and then the soft flesh of her cheeks and mouth. It looked like they’d taken her tongue, too, but I really didn’t care as I pulled her by the ankle out of there.
Fifteen minutes later and the absolute destruction of a bathroom, I was a reasonable rendition of clean.
“Hey, Clarence, want to toss one off? We’ve got a little time to kill.”
Clarence phantom puked again.
“You’re right, that would be a little weird, three guys. It’d be like a circle jerk or something. At least I think Hugh is a guy, I’ve always thought of him that way. Would it make it any better if he were a she? Naw, still two guys. Plus I’m afraid we’d damage your little guy anyway. Maybe later.”
Clarence went sobbing off into the darkness. That was fine by me; I wanted to
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