To Live by Yu Hua

clothes once more before I died. Me, I felt bad because Wang Xi’s heart was really in the right place, but as soon as I put on that silk shirt, I took it right off. That slimy, uncomfortable feeling was unbearable. It felt like I was wearing clothes made of snot.
    Then, three months after Long Er had rented the land, Changgen, our family’s old worker, showed up. I was working in the field, and Mom and Fengxia were sitting on the ridge. Changgen walked over, wearing torn clothes and leaning on an old, withered tree branch. He was still carrying the same bag and, in his other hand, clasped an empty alms bowl. He’d become a beggar. Fengxia saw him first. She stood up and called, “Changgen! Changgen!”
    When my mother saw that it was Changgen, who had grown up in our home, she hurried to greet him. Changgen, wiping away his tears, said, “Madame Xu, I missed the young master and Fengxia. I just came back to see them.”
    Changgen walked out to the field. When he saw me wearing those coarse clothes covered in mud, he began to cry like a wounded bird, asking, “Young master, how could you have ended up like this?”
    After I lost our family property, Changgen was the one who suffered most. Changgen had worked for our family all his life, and, according to custom, when he got old it was supposed to be our family that took care of him. But once our family was reduced to poverty, he had no choice but to leave. All he could do was beg to get by.
    Seeing Changgen come back broke my heart. When I was little he would carry me all around on his back. And when I got older I never paid much attention to him. I never dreamed he would return to see us.
    “Are you doing all right?” I asked Changgen.
    Wiping away his tears, he replied, “Okay.”
    I asked, “You still haven’t found a family to give you work?”
    Changgen shook his head. “At my age, whose family would want to hire me?” Hearing this, I wanted to cry. But Changgen still didn’t feel his life was difficult—he was crying for me.
    “Young master, how can you take this kind of suffering?” he asked.
    That night Changgen stayed over in our thatched hut. My mother and I decided to let Changgen stay with us. Although from now on life would be even harder, I told my mom, “Even if it’s difficult, we’ve got to let him stay. If each of us eats just two mouthfuls less of rice we’ll be able to support him.”
    My mom nodded. “Changgen has such a good heart.”
    The next morning I told Changgen, “Changgen, you’ve come back at the perfect time. I was just short a helper. From now on you’ll stay here.”
    After hearing my words, Changgen looked at me and laughed. He laughed and laughed until tears began to fall.
    “Young master, I don’t have the energy to help you anymore,” Changgen quietly uttered. “Your good intentions are enough.”
    With those final words, Changgen left. No matter how hard we tried we couldn’t stop him. He said, “Let me go. I’ll be back to visit you some other time.”
    After Changgen left, he came back once more. He brought a piece of red silk for Fengxia to tie her hair up with. He had found it somewhere, and after cleaning it off he tied it to his waist and brought it all the way here especially for Fengxia. I never saw Changgen again after that.
    Since I rented Long Er’s land, I was his tenant. I couldn’t call him Long Er like I used to; I had to call him Master Long. In the beginning, when Long Er heard me address him like that, he would wave his hands and say, “Fugui, there’s no reason for the two of us to be so formal.”
    But as time went by he got used to it. When I was out in the field he would often come by to chat with me. Once when I was cutting the rice and Fengxia was behind me picking up the fallen ears, Long Er swaggered over. He said to me, “Fugui, I’ve given up. From now on I’m not going to gamble. No one’s a winner at the gambling house. I’m quitting while I’m ahead so as to avoid