had settled down. Dudley had stopped provoking people and lost interest in me and was talking hawks with somebody else. De la Roche said, “You ride well, Mistress Blanchard. Is that your own horse?”
Lady Catherine Grey answered for me. “No, Ursula has no horse of her own. She borrows from the royal stables.”
“No horse of your own?” De la Roche sounded quite shocked. “But why ever not? Someone as skilled in the saddle as you are should have her own mount. You must buy a horse without delay. Arundel, can you not recommend a dealer for Mistress Blanchard?”
A moment ago, I had liked him. Now, without warning, I was convulsed with fury. I was so sick of my straitened circumstances and the embarrassment of trying to hide them, in this court where to be hard up was to be second rate.
You must have a maid. A white or silver under-kirtle, perhaps, with matching sleeves. Buy a horse without delay . Spend money I hadn’t got!
“I can’t buy a horse,” I said. I forgot about not being sharp. “I can’t afford one!”
“Can’t afford one? But, you are a Faldene and surely they are a family of some eminence. And your husband was a successful man. I don’t understand . . . Mistress Blanchard! I beg your pardon. I see I have said something I should not.”
I had turned away my head but he had still glimpsed the tears in my eyes. They were mostly tears of rage. I found myself looking at Lady Catherine Grey instead of de la Roche, and she was clearly amused by my discomfort. I straightened my back and addressed de la Roche once more.
“Yes, I’m a Faldene. So was my mother and she never changed her name. Do you know what I’m saying?” I saw the contempt in Lady Catherine Grey’s face but I was too angry to care. “I was brought up at Faldene on sufferance,” I said. “A child with no father. My husband was a younger son. He had no property of his own and he married me against his family’s wishes. He died before he could gather any substance to speak of. I have very little—except a small daughter whom I love, and must support. Now do you understand?”
I waited, simmering, to see if contempt would now appear on the face of de la Roche.
It did not. Instead, he said seriously, “In such circumstances, did neither of your families . . . No, forgive me, it is not my business. But . . . ”
I had banished the tears, by sheer willpower. “My own family offered me shelter of a kind,” I said. “I preferred to enter the queen’s service and earn my stipend. It is modest but I am glad not to be living on grudged charity. I have no complaints. However, I cannot afford to buy, or keep, a horse.”
“I am very sorry.” Master de la Roche looked quite shaken. “I did not know. Please accept my apology. I had no wish to hurt your feelings. I have the utmost respect for anyone, like yourself, who bears up under such misfortune. If there is dancing this evening, and I ask you to partner me in a galliard, will you accept?”
I looked into those dark, diamond-shaped eyes and I saw contrition, and sympathy, and something else.
I saw admiration, not just for a young widow making her way in the world under difficult circumstances, but the admiration of a man for a woman he desires.
We were in the midst of languorous summer, and Gerald had been gone now for more than six months. Deep within me, momentarily, something stirred in answer.
I stamped on it at once. No, said a shocked voice inside my head. No! He isn’t Gerald. There can be no one for you but Gerald.
However, what was being offered, I could not utterly reject, either. I hadn’t danced since Gerald’s death, but perhaps now it was time to ease the bonds of sorrow. “Of course, Master de la Roche. I shall be delighted to dance with you,” I said. “And I am sorry,” I added, “if I was discourteous just now.”
Matthew de la Roche laughed. “Mistress Blanchard, I prefer conversation to have a little salt in it, like a good dinner.”
I
Lady Catherine Grey answered for me. “No, Ursula has no horse of her own. She borrows from the royal stables.”
“No horse of your own?” De la Roche sounded quite shocked. “But why ever not? Someone as skilled in the saddle as you are should have her own mount. You must buy a horse without delay. Arundel, can you not recommend a dealer for Mistress Blanchard?”
A moment ago, I had liked him. Now, without warning, I was convulsed with fury. I was so sick of my straitened circumstances and the embarrassment of trying to hide them, in this court where to be hard up was to be second rate.
You must have a maid. A white or silver under-kirtle, perhaps, with matching sleeves. Buy a horse without delay . Spend money I hadn’t got!
“I can’t buy a horse,” I said. I forgot about not being sharp. “I can’t afford one!”
“Can’t afford one? But, you are a Faldene and surely they are a family of some eminence. And your husband was a successful man. I don’t understand . . . Mistress Blanchard! I beg your pardon. I see I have said something I should not.”
I had turned away my head but he had still glimpsed the tears in my eyes. They were mostly tears of rage. I found myself looking at Lady Catherine Grey instead of de la Roche, and she was clearly amused by my discomfort. I straightened my back and addressed de la Roche once more.
“Yes, I’m a Faldene. So was my mother and she never changed her name. Do you know what I’m saying?” I saw the contempt in Lady Catherine Grey’s face but I was too angry to care. “I was brought up at Faldene on sufferance,” I said. “A child with no father. My husband was a younger son. He had no property of his own and he married me against his family’s wishes. He died before he could gather any substance to speak of. I have very little—except a small daughter whom I love, and must support. Now do you understand?”
I waited, simmering, to see if contempt would now appear on the face of de la Roche.
It did not. Instead, he said seriously, “In such circumstances, did neither of your families . . . No, forgive me, it is not my business. But . . . ”
I had banished the tears, by sheer willpower. “My own family offered me shelter of a kind,” I said. “I preferred to enter the queen’s service and earn my stipend. It is modest but I am glad not to be living on grudged charity. I have no complaints. However, I cannot afford to buy, or keep, a horse.”
“I am very sorry.” Master de la Roche looked quite shaken. “I did not know. Please accept my apology. I had no wish to hurt your feelings. I have the utmost respect for anyone, like yourself, who bears up under such misfortune. If there is dancing this evening, and I ask you to partner me in a galliard, will you accept?”
I looked into those dark, diamond-shaped eyes and I saw contrition, and sympathy, and something else.
I saw admiration, not just for a young widow making her way in the world under difficult circumstances, but the admiration of a man for a woman he desires.
We were in the midst of languorous summer, and Gerald had been gone now for more than six months. Deep within me, momentarily, something stirred in answer.
I stamped on it at once. No, said a shocked voice inside my head. No! He isn’t Gerald. There can be no one for you but Gerald.
However, what was being offered, I could not utterly reject, either. I hadn’t danced since Gerald’s death, but perhaps now it was time to ease the bonds of sorrow. “Of course, Master de la Roche. I shall be delighted to dance with you,” I said. “And I am sorry,” I added, “if I was discourteous just now.”
Matthew de la Roche laughed. “Mistress Blanchard, I prefer conversation to have a little salt in it, like a good dinner.”
I
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