elated that we were together and that we were so good together. It had seemed too perfect, like waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop, kind of perfect because no one had ever gotten me like he did.
After I had lost the baby – we lost the baby – the darkness, the depression sucked me deep. I remembered feeling lost. I could almost see the veil of black overtake me, covering me, and I couldn’t get beyond the darkness. I existed – barely – those first days, and I knew that I had only pulled through without slitting my wrists because Trent had been beside me. He’d cried right along with me, holding me, rocking me and his tears had been just as real, he was just as lost as me.
We created beauty together, though we hadn’t realized it, and we lost it together. He carried me as our beauty died and leaked out of me, he ran to his truck that night, holding me, cradling me. Gripped with panic, he parked in the driveway at the hospital, and while cradling me tight in his arms, he rushed me inside.
Our beauty, our love, was seeping from my body while he ran and forced a doctor to see me right away. Trent had been everything I needed, but I hadn’t been that for him. To repay his love, I showed him the door. In the midst of our grief, I kicked him out.
When Nolan died a couple of weeks later, he needed me, but I didn’t go to him, I drowned myself in work. With Aurora gone from the store, I was able to fill my every moment with what she needed, but I hadn’t done anything for Trent.
All these months, he came to me, had tried, he pushed, and I locked him out. Why? To make him prove that he loved me? To force him to jump through some stupid hoops to make me happy? How fucking selfish could I possibly be? Clarity wasn't my friend. Seeing things from a new perspective, my heart broke at all the anguish I caused him.
“Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Trent asked, his beautiful blue eyes sparking, worry and fear clear on his face.
I could only imagine the sight I was presenting. Allowing myself down the path of heartbreak again, I plopped onto the corner of the bed, dropped my head into my hands and cried. Would he eventually get tired of my crying?
Crouching down in front of me, he balanced on his toes and pulled my hands away from my face. “Shh, no, come on, what is it?”
Shaking my head, I tried to pull away, but of course, I should have known better. Moving to sit next to me, he wrapped me tight and secure in his arms and pulled me onto his lap.
“Tell me. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.” Trent’s voice was gentle, as he caressed the side of my face as he watched me.
“When will I be strong enough to fix it myself?” I asked, so frustrated with my own weakness that I almost shouted at him.
“You are, you’ve been doing it all on your own for way too long. Lean on me, share it with me. I can’t carry it for you, but I can help you carry it, okay?”
“I was just thinking about how unfair I was to you. About how hard everything was for you, too. But I didn’t care about that. I just pushed you away. I can’t understand why you’d willingly sign up for a woman who treated you like that,” I explained as tears came flooding back, clogging my throat and making my words difficult to understand. I told him about everything, all I felt and why. I wasn’t going to hold back from Trent anymore.
Instead of reassuring me, or giving me false platitudes, he held me, kissed the side of my head and rocked me, until my tears subsided. He wouldn't lie and tell me he wasn't hurt by my actions. We both knew that I caused us immense pain. Maybe my reasons were understandable, and maybe they weren't. All I could do now was move forward.
I wouldn’t do that to him again, and I wouldn’t keep him a secret. We had enough of that, too much really. Trent was my guy. I was his girl, no doubts, no questions. I loved him, and he loved me and if everyone knew it, if shit got real, if shit went bad, all
After I had lost the baby – we lost the baby – the darkness, the depression sucked me deep. I remembered feeling lost. I could almost see the veil of black overtake me, covering me, and I couldn’t get beyond the darkness. I existed – barely – those first days, and I knew that I had only pulled through without slitting my wrists because Trent had been beside me. He’d cried right along with me, holding me, rocking me and his tears had been just as real, he was just as lost as me.
We created beauty together, though we hadn’t realized it, and we lost it together. He carried me as our beauty died and leaked out of me, he ran to his truck that night, holding me, cradling me. Gripped with panic, he parked in the driveway at the hospital, and while cradling me tight in his arms, he rushed me inside.
Our beauty, our love, was seeping from my body while he ran and forced a doctor to see me right away. Trent had been everything I needed, but I hadn’t been that for him. To repay his love, I showed him the door. In the midst of our grief, I kicked him out.
When Nolan died a couple of weeks later, he needed me, but I didn’t go to him, I drowned myself in work. With Aurora gone from the store, I was able to fill my every moment with what she needed, but I hadn’t done anything for Trent.
All these months, he came to me, had tried, he pushed, and I locked him out. Why? To make him prove that he loved me? To force him to jump through some stupid hoops to make me happy? How fucking selfish could I possibly be? Clarity wasn't my friend. Seeing things from a new perspective, my heart broke at all the anguish I caused him.
“Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Trent asked, his beautiful blue eyes sparking, worry and fear clear on his face.
I could only imagine the sight I was presenting. Allowing myself down the path of heartbreak again, I plopped onto the corner of the bed, dropped my head into my hands and cried. Would he eventually get tired of my crying?
Crouching down in front of me, he balanced on his toes and pulled my hands away from my face. “Shh, no, come on, what is it?”
Shaking my head, I tried to pull away, but of course, I should have known better. Moving to sit next to me, he wrapped me tight and secure in his arms and pulled me onto his lap.
“Tell me. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.” Trent’s voice was gentle, as he caressed the side of my face as he watched me.
“When will I be strong enough to fix it myself?” I asked, so frustrated with my own weakness that I almost shouted at him.
“You are, you’ve been doing it all on your own for way too long. Lean on me, share it with me. I can’t carry it for you, but I can help you carry it, okay?”
“I was just thinking about how unfair I was to you. About how hard everything was for you, too. But I didn’t care about that. I just pushed you away. I can’t understand why you’d willingly sign up for a woman who treated you like that,” I explained as tears came flooding back, clogging my throat and making my words difficult to understand. I told him about everything, all I felt and why. I wasn’t going to hold back from Trent anymore.
Instead of reassuring me, or giving me false platitudes, he held me, kissed the side of my head and rocked me, until my tears subsided. He wouldn't lie and tell me he wasn't hurt by my actions. We both knew that I caused us immense pain. Maybe my reasons were understandable, and maybe they weren't. All I could do now was move forward.
I wouldn’t do that to him again, and I wouldn’t keep him a secret. We had enough of that, too much really. Trent was my guy. I was his girl, no doubts, no questions. I loved him, and he loved me and if everyone knew it, if shit got real, if shit went bad, all
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