Tricks by Ellen Hopkins

keep
    my dad satisfied, when
    I know Loren is waiting to satisfy me. One day soon
    *
    I'll have to decide which
    Seth I can live without.
    Until then, Improved Seth will
    have to escape when he can.
    And he's escaped tonight.
    113
    By the Time
    I knock on Loren's door, treading a maelstrom of love and lust, I have
    almost made up my mind to leave Dad and home in
    *
    my wake and move to
    Louisville before
    I graduate in June.
    I know it's not long, but I'm sick of pretending.
    *
    Loren opens the door.
    I don't wait for his greeting before pushing inside and yanking him tight up against me. "God, I've missed you!"
    *
    He stiffens, and I finally
    take a good look at the worry sculpted in his face. I missed you, too. Come on. Sit down.
    *
    Something is definitely
    wrong. I follow him to the couch, afraid to ask what it is. What
    kind of bad news do I have
    114
    to hear now? He couldn't be
    sick, could he? No. Too young.
    Too healthy. Unless... No!
    Stop it. Just ask. I search his eyes. "What's wrong?"
    *
    Nothing. He takes my hand.
    I mean, nothing major.
    Relax, Seth. It's just... He
    reaches toward the coffee
    table, picks up a letter.
    *
    I got this today. He cradles the paper protectively, like he doesn't want me to know
    what's there. You know I go to school at Louisville Seminary...
    *
    Uh-huh. Louisville Presbyterian
    Theological Seminary. Studying
    marriage and family therapy.
    I nod my head, but I'm
    totally confused. "Yes. So?"
    *
    A requirement for my BA is three months of "field
    study." They're sending
    me to a congregation in
    New York for the summer.
    115
    Something Thick
    But tasteless rises up my
    throat, into my mouth.
    I break out in a panicky
    sweat. "Congregation?
    You mean, like a priest?"
    *
    He manages a thin smile.
    More like a minister, but yes. That is my calling.
    But you knew that.
    He rests a hand on my knee.
    *
    "I don't know. I guess..."
    Guess? What else would a seminarian have planned?
    But what about me? Us?
    "What does that mean for us?"
    *
    Time apart. You can't
    come with me. I'll be
    living at the church. He lets
    that sink in. Don't worry
    now I don't leave until May.
    *
    Don't worry? He hacked
    me off at the knees.
    But it's only temporary.
    "You're coming back, right?"
    The silence screams.
    116
    A Poem by Whitney Lang Scream
    I whisper and you close
    your eyes. I speak and you turn away. If I
    scream, will you finally
    hear
    me beg you to hold me
    close to you, promise
    you'll never let go? Do
    my tears
    upset you? Can you
    see them fall on fallow
    ground--the soil of your head?
    Fear is a better friend than you, who feels nothing, beneath the weight of my pain.
    117
    Whitney I Despise Shopping
    But it's Paige's idea of heaven, so we're going to Capitola Mall.
    Mom hangs out with Paige's mom and encourages our friendship.
    *
    She wouldn't, if she knew anything at all about Paige other than that her mom
    plays a mean game of tennis. But she doesn't, so we're on our way to the mall.
    *
    Did you go out with Lucas last
    night? Paige broke up with her last
    boyfriend a few months ago and dates
    vicariously through me. Voyeuristic ho!
    *
    I don't mind entertaining her--or
    making her jealous, either. "Actually, we spent most of the day together.
    We hung out down at the Boardwalk."
    *
    Uh-huh. And what else? Voyeuristic
    enough to want details beyond arcade games and carnival rides.
    Have you two done the dirty yet?
    118
    I swear, she's panting. I could
    make her day--her month, even-- by inventing something juicy. But
    where would that leave what's left
    *
    of my reputation? Do I care? Jeez.
    My reputation might just improve
    if people believed I was having
    regular sex with someone
    *
    as delicious as Lucas. One thing for sure. Whatever I tell Paige
    will most definitely get around.
    She's not very good at secrets.
    *
    Maybe I'll just keep her guessing.
    I attempt an air of mystery. "C'mon,
    Paige. You wouldn't want me of screw and tell, would you?"
    119
    We Both Know
    She would, and we both