Tritium Gambit (Max and Miranda Book 1) by Erik Hyrkas

could hear them in the living room while I looked for food. Something was cooking on the stove, but it smelled disgusting. I looked in the fridge, where I found an assortment of food I didn’t recognize and wasn’t brave enough to try. Then I saw a basket of fruit on the kitchen table. I grabbed a bright red, shiny apple.
    Well, it looked like the apple, but after biting into it, I realized it tasted like a habanero pepper. My eyes started to water as I chewed, and I felt my throat constrict.
    In the other room, I heard Miranda gasp. "Oh, my!"
    John snorted. "Don't be scared. It's just my cock."
    I started to choke, partly on the apple that was really a pepper and partly on what I just heard.
    "That's the biggest one I've ever seen," Miranda said.
    I fell to my knees, trying to dislodge the fruit. I was now just choking on the fruit.
    "Go ahead. You can touch it," John said.
    I hit myself in the chest. After dozens of intense missions, including one that involved wrestling with a one-ton Tiikera cat, I was going to die right here, the victim of a piece of fruit.
    Miranda cleared her throat. "It feels nice. It's bumpier than I expected."
    I fell to my side. I needed air now.
    "That's normal. Get ready for it," John said.
    I crawled toward the living room.
    "Do it quick, before I change my mind," she said. There was a moment of silence, and then she let out a long moan.
    I heaved with all my might and the fruit dislodged itself from my throat and landed in the pot on the stove. I crawled the remaining few feet to the door and peered out into the living room from the floor.
    Miranda had a massive rooster on her lap. John was splinting her leg.
    "You do have a giant cock," I whispered.
    "Thanks. It's a rooster crossbred with a Teraskian fire hawk. They spit a corrosive that makes your skin burn so bad you’d wish you had died.”
    Miranda went stalk still.
    I cleared my throat. "Hot."
    "Very." He offered me a hand up. I took it.
    “ Sheriff, can you take your bird off of me?” Miranda asked. John swatted the bird away, and it hissed at him. “Thanks. Do you know what took our friend?” Miranda asked.
    I thought the f-word was a completely inappropriate descriptor.
    “ There have been a lot of folks disappearing lately, but he’s the first outworlder to disappear.” John glanced out the window. “He’s also the first person to go missing in the daytime.”
    “ There have been others?” Miranda asked.
    “ A few tourists and a local fishing guide. Nothing serious,” he said.
    “ Nothing serious? Aren’t you the sheriff in this town?” I asked.
    “ County. I’m the county sheriff, and technically this isn’t my county. I only live here. I’m a St. Louis County Sheriff, not the Lake County Sheriff.”
    “ Okay, but what’s eating people?” I asked.
    “ We don’t know they’re being eaten,” Miranda said. “All we know is they’re being taken.”
    I didn’t want to point out that the sheriff had found bits and pieces of people.
    John scratched the stubble on his chin. “I’d guess it was something big.”
    “ So,” I said, trying to control my voice. “We’re looking for something big.”
    He shrugged. “You shouldn’t be looking for anything. You would do best to get out of here.”
    Miranda showed her badge. “We’re agents for the Service and the man that disappeared was also an agent.”
    “ Three agents. That’s odd,” he said under his breath.
    I cleared my throat. “Is there any other information you can give us that might help our investigation?”
    “ Sure.” He walked toward the kitchen. “You need bigger guns.”
    I frowned. “Well, I’m not really into guns…”
    Miranda looked surprised. “You don’t have a gun?”
    “ Guns kill things,” I said.
    “ And if you have lots of guns, you can kill lots of things,” John added.
    “ Well, you know martial arts at least, right?” Miranda asked.
    I grinned. “Sure, I’ve seen plenty of Jackie Chan movies. He’s so