ask.
“Someone’s
grandmother?” Beans says. “You mean
your
grandmother, don’t you?”
“My grandmother? But Mama told me she was dead!”
“She’s not dead. She’s just mean,” Kermit says.
Now I know why those eyes looked so familiar—they’re the exact same shade of blue as Mama’s. But why did Mama lie? And what am I supposed to do with a grandmother?
“Do I have a grandfather, too?” I ask.
“Nah, Grampy’s dead,” Kermit says. “Died right around the time Buddy was born.”
“Wasn’t my fault!” Buddy exclaims. “I was just a baby!”
“I can’t believe I have a grandmother,” I say.
“Believe it,” Pork Chop says.
“Welcome to the family,” Beans says, smirking.
9
The Diaper Gang Knows
We’re splashing around in the water at the little beach at the end of Duval Street. It’s the only way to cool off on a hot day, and every day is hot here. I wade in up to my waist in a bathing suit that Aunt Minnie found for me.
A beaming boy comes running up.
“It’s Ira!” Kermit exclaims.
“I’m back, fellas!” the boy announces like a returning hero. He’s got a moplike head of curly red hair. He looks like Little Orphan Annie without the red dress.
“When’d you get in from Miami?” Beans asks.
“Last night. It took us forever to get home. The ferry ran aground.”
“Poppy told me that when the highway’s finished we won’t need no ferries,” Kermit says.
“Can’t be soon enough for me,” Ira agrees. He strips off his shirt and dives into the water.
“What were you doing in Miami?” I ask him when he surfaces.
He gives his wet head a shake. “Who are you?”
“I’m just some cousin from New Jersey,” I say before Beans can.
Ira says, “My little brother needed an operation, so we had to take him to the hospital there.”
“What’s he sick from?” I ask.
“Dumbness,” Pork Chop says.
“Eggy lit some firecrackers and wouldn’t believe me when I told him to throw them,” Ira says. “He blew his thumb off, and his pinkie, too.”
“How’s Eggy doing?” Kermit asks.
“He’s got so many of my aunts worrying over him, he can’t fart without one of them jumping,” Ira says. “So what’d I miss? Have we had a lot of babies?”
“The Diaper Gang was Ira’s idea in the first place,” Kermit tells me.
“I’m the brains of this operation,” Ira says.
“I wouldn’t brag about that,” I say.
“We been busy,” Beans says. “But we’re gonna need a new wagon soon.”
“Where we gonna get the dough for a new wagon?” Ira asks.
Everyone’s quiet, and then Kermit wiggles his eyebrows and says, “The Shadow knows!”
The boys are always quoting the Shadow. He’s a mysterious narrator from a crime radio show. I like the Shadow as much as any other kid, but you’d think if he knew so much, he’d give some advice to President Roosevelt. Far as I can tell, he needs all the help he can get.
A pretty lady with a broad-brimmed hat walks by with a handsome man.
“Pork Chop. Beans. Are you boys having a pleasant summer?” she asks.
Beans looks frozen, but Pork Chop swallows and mumbles, “Yes, Miss Sugarapple.”
“See you two in the fall,” she says, and they stroll off.
“Not if I’m lucky,” Beans says.
“Your teacher?” I ask.
Kermit says, “Pork Chop and Beans got in big trouble with Miss Sugarapple.”
“What did you do?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Beans says.
“They stole the answer sheet for a test from Miss Sugarapple’s desk,” Kermit says.
“We didn’t steal it!” Pork Chop says. “We
borrowed
it!”
“They had to stay after school every day for the last month and write
I will not steal
on the chalkboard two hundred times,” Kermit says.
“Guess you won’t steal next time,” I say.
Beans sneers. “Next time we won’t get caught.”
After we finish swimming, we have a cut-up. A cut-up is something these Conch kids do every chance they get. Each kid brings whatever they can find lying
“Someone’s
grandmother?” Beans says. “You mean
your
grandmother, don’t you?”
“My grandmother? But Mama told me she was dead!”
“She’s not dead. She’s just mean,” Kermit says.
Now I know why those eyes looked so familiar—they’re the exact same shade of blue as Mama’s. But why did Mama lie? And what am I supposed to do with a grandmother?
“Do I have a grandfather, too?” I ask.
“Nah, Grampy’s dead,” Kermit says. “Died right around the time Buddy was born.”
“Wasn’t my fault!” Buddy exclaims. “I was just a baby!”
“I can’t believe I have a grandmother,” I say.
“Believe it,” Pork Chop says.
“Welcome to the family,” Beans says, smirking.
9
The Diaper Gang Knows
We’re splashing around in the water at the little beach at the end of Duval Street. It’s the only way to cool off on a hot day, and every day is hot here. I wade in up to my waist in a bathing suit that Aunt Minnie found for me.
A beaming boy comes running up.
“It’s Ira!” Kermit exclaims.
“I’m back, fellas!” the boy announces like a returning hero. He’s got a moplike head of curly red hair. He looks like Little Orphan Annie without the red dress.
“When’d you get in from Miami?” Beans asks.
“Last night. It took us forever to get home. The ferry ran aground.”
“Poppy told me that when the highway’s finished we won’t need no ferries,” Kermit says.
“Can’t be soon enough for me,” Ira agrees. He strips off his shirt and dives into the water.
“What were you doing in Miami?” I ask him when he surfaces.
He gives his wet head a shake. “Who are you?”
“I’m just some cousin from New Jersey,” I say before Beans can.
Ira says, “My little brother needed an operation, so we had to take him to the hospital there.”
“What’s he sick from?” I ask.
“Dumbness,” Pork Chop says.
“Eggy lit some firecrackers and wouldn’t believe me when I told him to throw them,” Ira says. “He blew his thumb off, and his pinkie, too.”
“How’s Eggy doing?” Kermit asks.
“He’s got so many of my aunts worrying over him, he can’t fart without one of them jumping,” Ira says. “So what’d I miss? Have we had a lot of babies?”
“The Diaper Gang was Ira’s idea in the first place,” Kermit tells me.
“I’m the brains of this operation,” Ira says.
“I wouldn’t brag about that,” I say.
“We been busy,” Beans says. “But we’re gonna need a new wagon soon.”
“Where we gonna get the dough for a new wagon?” Ira asks.
Everyone’s quiet, and then Kermit wiggles his eyebrows and says, “The Shadow knows!”
The boys are always quoting the Shadow. He’s a mysterious narrator from a crime radio show. I like the Shadow as much as any other kid, but you’d think if he knew so much, he’d give some advice to President Roosevelt. Far as I can tell, he needs all the help he can get.
A pretty lady with a broad-brimmed hat walks by with a handsome man.
“Pork Chop. Beans. Are you boys having a pleasant summer?” she asks.
Beans looks frozen, but Pork Chop swallows and mumbles, “Yes, Miss Sugarapple.”
“See you two in the fall,” she says, and they stroll off.
“Not if I’m lucky,” Beans says.
“Your teacher?” I ask.
Kermit says, “Pork Chop and Beans got in big trouble with Miss Sugarapple.”
“What did you do?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Beans says.
“They stole the answer sheet for a test from Miss Sugarapple’s desk,” Kermit says.
“We didn’t steal it!” Pork Chop says. “We
borrowed
it!”
“They had to stay after school every day for the last month and write
I will not steal
on the chalkboard two hundred times,” Kermit says.
“Guess you won’t steal next time,” I say.
Beans sneers. “Next time we won’t get caught.”
After we finish swimming, we have a cut-up. A cut-up is something these Conch kids do every chance they get. Each kid brings whatever they can find lying
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