Twisted Fate by Norah Olson Page B

notice. I’m not just trying to document my life. I’m trying to make sure I know who I am. And that when that moment comes again I’ll be able to capture it perfectly. The problem with people as far as I’m concerned is they make up these phony personas. They walk around trying to make sure no one knows who they are—wearing whatever everyone else does, listening to whatever music is on the radio, but who are they really? They create whole fake versions of themselves for Facebook.
    But on film—in the way I film them—there is a point where the facade breaks down, where you can see who they really are. What I’m giving people is a gift! And it’s a gift I want for myself too! I want to know who I am. I don’t think I’ve ever felt all that scared—shy, yes; pathologically shy, maybe, according to some—but scared? No way. Maybe someday I’ll be able to scare myself,but so far it hasn’t happened. When it happens I’ll have it on film, that’s for sure. I’ll be able to see exactly what it looks like when whatever facade I’ve created for myself breaks down. Even if I don’t know it’s there. There’s something inside of me and I feel like I am closer to getting to it than I’ve ever been before. Four times closer. LOL.
    The main thing now is I need more money so I can do all this stuff without asking Dad and Kim to buy me equipment. Fortunately due to my superior reasoning (FOUR TIMES BETTER REASONING SKILLS) I’ve worked out THE PERFECT WAY to make some cash. I’ve set up a PayPal account and also an Amazon wish list so that people who download my films can pay me directly or buy me what I need and then just ship those things to me. You would not believe how interested people are in my films. It’s amazing to me that I’m not already some kind of international superstar. I am like Quentin Tarantino and Stanley Kubrick all rolled into one.
    So anyway, Kim is home all day but she’s in her studio working and she has never once brought in the mail that I know of. So no one will know if I get packages or not. When I finish this project it will all make sense to everyone. Especially to me. I will understand things the way I couldn’t before.
    Between “finding my calling,” as Dr. Adams would say, and working on the Austin Healey, I think life in Rockland is shaping up to be okay. And the neighbors! Beautiful Tate! I want to talk to her. I want to see her. I want to make her the star of all my films!!

W e were baking muffins together, which I have to admit only happened when Syd was high and in a good mood and there wasn’t already a lot of junk food in the house. She’d convince me to make them and then we’d hang out in the kitchen. I guess it was one of the rare times we got along these days. And even though I didn’t like her getting high all the time she could be silly and fun to be around when it was just the two of us.
    Anyway, so there we were at the counter and we saw him from the window.
    “You going to invite your crush over?” Syd asked, grinning at me.
    I shrugged but before I could say anything she had opened the kitchen window and was yelling. “Hey! Justin Bieber, you wanna hang out?”
    He looked up and I tried to push my hair away from myface but my hands were all covered with flour and I got it in my hair and he started laughing.
    “My sister has something for you,” she said, and then started laughing as well. Great, I thought, she’s going to be so stoned she’ll embarrass me. Like the time she thought it would be a good idea to invite Declan and Becky over for a dinner we made together and then before we could eat she insisted we listen to the same four lines of a song she liked over and over and over again. Because it was “so cool.”
    But it was too late; Graham walked up the back steps and came right into the house.
    “Looks like you’re having a fun time this afternoon,” he said. I could feel my face flush.
    He took the mixing bowl and wooden spoon from my