Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Page B
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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like I had known her for years,” he told a reporter in 2006. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.” Cottle was widowed a second time by the same sad heart.
CREAM-ATED
A French circus clown named Yves Abouchar was killed during a performance in 1995 after another clown threw a pie at his face. Abouchar choked on the foam topping.
SWAN SONG
In June 2010, rumors began circulating throughout Mexico that crooner Sergio Vega, also known as El Shaka, had been shot and killed. That’s not surprising, considering that Vega was a Grupero, a singer who performs narcocorridos —ballads about Mexican drug lords. Each drug lord has his own crooner, and they are often the victims of retribution from rival drug lords. However, the rumor of Vega’s murder was false. Vega, 40, confirmed that himself in an interview to an entertainment website. An hour later, while the news was circulating that he hadn’t been shot and killed, Vega was shot and killed.
Every three minutes, five Barbie dolls are sold on eBay.
HE BLEW IT
When investigators found the dead body of a 45-year-old Abner Kriller in his wrecked car, his glasses were covered by bubble gum. It seemed that Kriller blew such a big bubble that it popped all over his face. He couldn’t see and ran off the road.
NOT A PEAK EXPERIENCE
In 1993 a French mountain climber named Gerard Hommel—who’d successfully peaked Mt. Everest six times—died in his kitchen. He fell off a step ladder while changing a light bulb.
BLACK MAGIC NUMBERS
In 2001 Vladimir Grashnov, the former CEO of Mobitel, a Bulgarian mobile phone company, died of cancer at the age of 48. Two years after that, a Bulgarian mafia boss named Konstantin Dimitrov, 31, was shot and killed by an assassin. In 2005 Konstantin Dishliev, a Bulgarian real estate agent who sold drugs, was shot and killed. How are these three deaths related? Each man had been issued the same cell phone number from Mobitel. When each man died, it was assigned to the next man, who also died. (Mobitel has discontinued issuing that phone number.)
AUGUSTUS GLOOPED
In 2002 a chocolate factory worker named Yoni Cordon didn’t show up to his job in Hatfield, Pennsylvania, for three days. Then his body was found inside a 1,200-gallon vat of chocolate. No one had seen him fall in. Nor did anyone know exactly how many chocolate chips had been made and sold before he was discovered.
CHECKMATE
At a 1992 chess tournament in Moscow, Grand Chess Master Nikolai Gudkov beat a computer three times in a row. When he touched the electronic board for a fourth game, the computer electrocuted him.
Ratio of women to men in Oprah’s studio audience: 19 to 1.
PASTEUR CURED RABBIS
…and other real answers given on real tests by real students, collected by their poor, poor teachers and passed along to us .
S ir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
“Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.”
“The Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.”
“The Civil War was between China and Pakistan.”
“A myth is a female moth.”
“Miguel de Cervantes wrote Donkey Hote .”
“The colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.”
“Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, ‘A horse divided against itself cannot stand.’”
“To change centimeters to meters you take out centi.”
“Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.”
“In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.”
“The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.”
“Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.”
“Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving-picture show.”
“The French Revolution was accomplished before it
CREAM-ATED
A French circus clown named Yves Abouchar was killed during a performance in 1995 after another clown threw a pie at his face. Abouchar choked on the foam topping.
SWAN SONG
In June 2010, rumors began circulating throughout Mexico that crooner Sergio Vega, also known as El Shaka, had been shot and killed. That’s not surprising, considering that Vega was a Grupero, a singer who performs narcocorridos —ballads about Mexican drug lords. Each drug lord has his own crooner, and they are often the victims of retribution from rival drug lords. However, the rumor of Vega’s murder was false. Vega, 40, confirmed that himself in an interview to an entertainment website. An hour later, while the news was circulating that he hadn’t been shot and killed, Vega was shot and killed.
Every three minutes, five Barbie dolls are sold on eBay.
HE BLEW IT
When investigators found the dead body of a 45-year-old Abner Kriller in his wrecked car, his glasses were covered by bubble gum. It seemed that Kriller blew such a big bubble that it popped all over his face. He couldn’t see and ran off the road.
NOT A PEAK EXPERIENCE
In 1993 a French mountain climber named Gerard Hommel—who’d successfully peaked Mt. Everest six times—died in his kitchen. He fell off a step ladder while changing a light bulb.
BLACK MAGIC NUMBERS
In 2001 Vladimir Grashnov, the former CEO of Mobitel, a Bulgarian mobile phone company, died of cancer at the age of 48. Two years after that, a Bulgarian mafia boss named Konstantin Dimitrov, 31, was shot and killed by an assassin. In 2005 Konstantin Dishliev, a Bulgarian real estate agent who sold drugs, was shot and killed. How are these three deaths related? Each man had been issued the same cell phone number from Mobitel. When each man died, it was assigned to the next man, who also died. (Mobitel has discontinued issuing that phone number.)
AUGUSTUS GLOOPED
In 2002 a chocolate factory worker named Yoni Cordon didn’t show up to his job in Hatfield, Pennsylvania, for three days. Then his body was found inside a 1,200-gallon vat of chocolate. No one had seen him fall in. Nor did anyone know exactly how many chocolate chips had been made and sold before he was discovered.
CHECKMATE
At a 1992 chess tournament in Moscow, Grand Chess Master Nikolai Gudkov beat a computer three times in a row. When he touched the electronic board for a fourth game, the computer electrocuted him.
Ratio of women to men in Oprah’s studio audience: 19 to 1.
PASTEUR CURED RABBIS
…and other real answers given on real tests by real students, collected by their poor, poor teachers and passed along to us .
S ir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
“Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.”
“The Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.”
“The Civil War was between China and Pakistan.”
“A myth is a female moth.”
“Miguel de Cervantes wrote Donkey Hote .”
“The colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.”
“Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, ‘A horse divided against itself cannot stand.’”
“To change centimeters to meters you take out centi.”
“Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.”
“In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.”
“The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.”
“Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.”
“Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving-picture show.”
“The French Revolution was accomplished before it
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