III. Before I knew it this perfect, cool, relationship that I had backfired and blew up in my face.
Of course there were moments where I could have left but the thought of abandoning that sense of security that I had with him scared me. It’s very easy to say what you would or wouldn’t do if you were in a similar situation but until you’re actually in it, it doesn’t matter. Chicks are real rah rah and about that life until they have a 6’3 200 pound man in their face. All that loud mouth “I’d beat his ass and I would leave” shit goes out the window.
He began to mentally and physically abuse me and at first it wasn’t that bad so I felt like we could fix it, that we could get through it. I was used to being talked down to and treated like shit so I could handle this.
Things seemed to get worse as we kept pretending that they were going to get better. I slowly became unattached which wasn’t hard since the feelings were never really there from the beginning but he gave me everything that I longed for and made sure I was okay so there was still some sort of glue holding us together.
I honestly do believe that he wanted me to do well because he would often help me get booked for jobs but then it was weird because when I would land them and do well then I would have to hear something negative from him. I don’t think he ever really knew how to express himself towards me in a positive way. Men always say that it takes a secure female to be with someone who has a dominate personality but the same thing goes for men, I think it takes a certain kind of man to be able to stand next to a female who’s in the spotlight and who gets a lot of attention from both men and women, not every man can handle that. Raul wasn’t secure in himself while being with me and I think that contributed to the abuse.
He started to believe that I was doing what every other woman was doing. I won’t name names but being faithful wasn’t something that was upheld within the crew. This person would see that person’s girl out somewhere with this dude and it would lead to drama. I never cheated on Raul but no matter what you tell someone and how hard you try to convince them, at the end of the day they’re going to believe whatever they want to.
As dumb as this may sound the beatings weren’t that bad. After a while I became numb to them so it was easy for me to go to a place in my head where I felt like he couldn’t hurt me. I think it was his way of trying to keep me in line.
I was on set for a video by Bobby Valentino featuring Lil Wayne and it ended up going over time and I was on set longer than what I told Raul I would be. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I had worked all day and by the time they wrapped I was extremely tired, sweaty, and hot so I went to my trailer and washed all the pounds of makeup off my face.
When I went home I looked a mess, my hair was pulled back in a ponytail but again I didn’t think anything of it because at the very least he would see that I had been working and that I was exhausted so that would explain my appearance. He accused me of sleeping around on set and told me that I didn’t look like I had been working since I didn’t have on any makeup. I should’ve known by the look on his face that my answer wasn’t going to suffice but by the time he struck me and I felt the blood trickle down my lip it was too late. I realized that it didn’t matter how loyal I was to him or how much I told him I loved him because he was incapable of loving me.
I know you are probably tired of me trying to give reasons why he did this or why he did that but again, unless you’re in the situation and are going through similar things it’s
Of course there were moments where I could have left but the thought of abandoning that sense of security that I had with him scared me. It’s very easy to say what you would or wouldn’t do if you were in a similar situation but until you’re actually in it, it doesn’t matter. Chicks are real rah rah and about that life until they have a 6’3 200 pound man in their face. All that loud mouth “I’d beat his ass and I would leave” shit goes out the window.
He began to mentally and physically abuse me and at first it wasn’t that bad so I felt like we could fix it, that we could get through it. I was used to being talked down to and treated like shit so I could handle this.
Things seemed to get worse as we kept pretending that they were going to get better. I slowly became unattached which wasn’t hard since the feelings were never really there from the beginning but he gave me everything that I longed for and made sure I was okay so there was still some sort of glue holding us together.
I honestly do believe that he wanted me to do well because he would often help me get booked for jobs but then it was weird because when I would land them and do well then I would have to hear something negative from him. I don’t think he ever really knew how to express himself towards me in a positive way. Men always say that it takes a secure female to be with someone who has a dominate personality but the same thing goes for men, I think it takes a certain kind of man to be able to stand next to a female who’s in the spotlight and who gets a lot of attention from both men and women, not every man can handle that. Raul wasn’t secure in himself while being with me and I think that contributed to the abuse.
He started to believe that I was doing what every other woman was doing. I won’t name names but being faithful wasn’t something that was upheld within the crew. This person would see that person’s girl out somewhere with this dude and it would lead to drama. I never cheated on Raul but no matter what you tell someone and how hard you try to convince them, at the end of the day they’re going to believe whatever they want to.
As dumb as this may sound the beatings weren’t that bad. After a while I became numb to them so it was easy for me to go to a place in my head where I felt like he couldn’t hurt me. I think it was his way of trying to keep me in line.
I was on set for a video by Bobby Valentino featuring Lil Wayne and it ended up going over time and I was on set longer than what I told Raul I would be. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I had worked all day and by the time they wrapped I was extremely tired, sweaty, and hot so I went to my trailer and washed all the pounds of makeup off my face.
When I went home I looked a mess, my hair was pulled back in a ponytail but again I didn’t think anything of it because at the very least he would see that I had been working and that I was exhausted so that would explain my appearance. He accused me of sleeping around on set and told me that I didn’t look like I had been working since I didn’t have on any makeup. I should’ve known by the look on his face that my answer wasn’t going to suffice but by the time he struck me and I felt the blood trickle down my lip it was too late. I realized that it didn’t matter how loyal I was to him or how much I told him I loved him because he was incapable of loving me.
I know you are probably tired of me trying to give reasons why he did this or why he did that but again, unless you’re in the situation and are going through similar things it’s
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