Unexpected Top (Ball & Chain) by Cassandra Carr Page B

children, but Cissy had fallen in love with the large stamped-concrete patio that led into a landscaped yard, complete with perennial beds bursting with flowers. People said she was crazy, but Cissy found pulling weeds and tending to her beds very therapeutic.
    “Sit with me.” Len indicated the porch swing and Cissy sank into it, grateful they could be close without having to look at each other. After her husband sat and began gently rocking them with one foot, he said, “I think we’ve both made mistakes, but I want to fix our marriage. You’re the most important thing in the world to me, and if I’ve made you feel any other way I’m sorry. I could make excuses, but I’m not going to. I do think both of us are lying to the other. Lying about what’s going on inside our heads, what we want and what we need.”
    “Okay…” Cissy drew the word out, not sure where Len was going with this.
    “I think if we’re going to move forward, we both have to be totally honest, no matter how stupid or embarrassed either of us feels.” He took a deep breath and Cissy chanced a glance at him. His face was red and he was rubbing his palms up and down the front of his shorts. “Here goes…I lied last night. About a lot of stuff.”
    Bile rose in Cissy’s throat. “Lied?” The word came out as little more than a squeak.
    “Yes.” He must’ve looked at her, because he rushed on. “But probably not what you think. I’m not cheating or anything.”
    Cissy let out an audible breath. “Go on.”
    “I didn’t go out with clients last night. I went to a sports bar by myself and drank myself silly.”
    “Why?”
    “Because I was totally freaked out. We had sex yesterday morning and I couldn’t finish.”
    That’s what all this was about? Cissy wanted to laugh and scream in turn.
    “That happens to everyone, hon. We were in a hurry—”
    “That’s not why it happened.”
    “Then why?”
    His next words came out in a rush and she had to concentrate to understand him. “I think it was because I want to be tied up in bed. I don’t…I don’t want control in bed. Or maybe even out of it. And yesterday I was on top, I was the dominant one, and it just didn’t work.” Len swore softly, but it hardly registered. “I feel like such a wimp.”
    She turned to face him. “You’re not a wimp.”
    “Easy for you to say,” he grumbled, raking his hands through his hair. “You’re not the one who wants your wife to tie you up and blindfold you and spank—” He swore again and Cissy knew her eyes were practically bugging out of her head, but try as she might to school her expression, there was just too much information coming at her to properly process everything.
    She latched on to his last word. “Spank?”
    “Okay, so I said we needed to be honest, and I’m going to be. Please don’t laugh at me.”
    “I would never—”
    “I know, it’s just…it’s weird.”
    “Tell me.”
    He finally looked up from the spot he was boring into the patio. “I went out to lunch with the guys and one of them was talking about this porno he’d watched. It was some sort of gang-bang or something, and the guys were taking turns with the girl, not just having sex with her, but spanking her too. All the other guys were talking about how sexy it would be to fuck the girl tag-team style and stuff like that, but the images flooding my mind were of me being the one there, having a bunch of women spank me and take advantage of me. I tried, Cissy, I tried to forget it, but I couldn’t.”
    Her heart was beating a staccato in her chest. Who knew Len had desires like this? And could she fulfill them?
    “Keep going.”
    “So I went back to the office, found a bathroom on an abandoned floor and jerked off. I blew in about ten seconds and I’m pretty sure I lost consciousness, I came that hard.” He looked away, staring out over the lawn. “I’m not supposed to feel like this.”
    “Like what?”
    Len threw his hands up. “Like I