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important to me, is all, and I want what I want. It’s my final resting place. I should have it how I want it, you know. It’s like my final wishes and you’re supposed to honor them.”
I rolled the magazine into a tube, and barely moved my lips. “Final resting place? Come on Ma, you haven’t rested for a second since you died.”
“Have so.”
Sometimes being haunted by my mother was like having a toddler again.
“Have not. Ma, listen, I’ve got this, okay. I promise we’ll do it right. Give me a break, will you? Let me say goodbye to you in peace.”
She gave me a funny look.
“Oh, you know what I mean.”
“You coming, Ang?” Jake yelled.
“Be right there,” I replied. “Ma, it’s going to be fine. I promise.” I walked back to my grandparents’ plots, magazine in hand.
“Why do you have a magazine?” Jake asked.
I shook my head. “I have no idea." I dropped it on the ground.
Everyone, including Ma, watched as Jake carefully dug a small section of grass and dirt up from between my grandparents’ plots and placed the box into the hole. Each grandchild placed a flower they’d chosen from the memorial service on the top of the box. One by one we approached her remains, each of us honoring her in our own private way. Ma floated near, quietly watching. This was a heavy moment for everyone, even Ma.
Teary eyed, Jake replaced the dirt and grass on top of the box. He knew I hadn’t called the cemetery to get approval for this, so he was careful to make sure it didn’t look like the ground had been touched. After he finished, we all stood there, not knowing what to do next.
Finally John turned toward the cars and walked away while his family followed. My family did the same. I assumed Paul would follow, but instead heard him shout at his youngest daughter, Faith. “Faith, stop it. What are you doing?”
We all turned to see Faith jump on top of where Ma was buried, then stop and stand perfectly still. Paul grabbed her, held her up – I could see him trying to relax – then put her down and calmly asked, “Why did you do that, Faith?”
“Because Daddy, we have to pack Grandma in tight so her seeds will stick,” the little girl cried.
“Oh boy,” Ma said.
Paul squatted down in front of Faith. “Honey, Grandma doesn’t have seeds. You know Grandma is in Heaven, right sweetie?”
Faith was six and I didn’t think she understood the concept of death. “Of course Grandma is in Heaven, silly. Father Pat told me. I told him she couldn’t be in Heaven because she wanted to go to Chicago, but Father told me that Grandma already went to Heaven, and that what Uncle Jake buried here were special seeds that God had us plant so we can grow mommies that will be grandmas for other kids someday.”
Emily and Ma giggled, but everyone else was quiet. I thought it was a nice explanation to give a six-year-old.
Paul gave his daughter a sad smile. “Oh, I see, but why did you jump on the grass then, sweetie? I don’t understand.”
“Daddy, you know you have to make the ground right for seeds to grow. Remember when we planted that rose bush in the yard? You told me to pat the ground down or it wouldn’t grow, so that’s what I did for Grandma. So she can grow like the rose bush.”
Paul nodded, picked her up and whispered something in her ear. Faith gave him a tight hug. “I love you too, Daddy.”
I rubbed a tear from my eye and Ma curled her lips into a half smile. I pretended not to notice. She floated back over to her parents’ graves.
Paul set Faith back on the ground and we started to walk to the cars again but Faith turned back and waved to my mother.
I grinned and glanced at Josh, who saw too.
Chapter Six
I t’d been a week since the memorial, and life went on like nothing had changed for anyone. Anyone but me that is. In just a matter of seconds I went from being a woman with a mom, to a woman whose dead mother hung out while she drank stale coffee, and I couldn’t share
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