Unhurt by K.S. Thomas

time I was driving out of there. With traffic working against me, I wouldn’t be home in time for Wyatt’s bedtime as it was. Which might have been better anyway. No matter how much I tried to shield him from things, he was an extremely perceptive child. There was no way he wouldn’t pick up on just how excruciatingly tense and terrified I was right now.
    I sat at the stop sign lingering over my choices. Left would take me home. Right would take me into the historic part of downtown and the Flying Monk. If I was really going to make good on my threat to match Travis on paper, there was no time like the present to get the ball rolling. So, I went right.
    Twenty minutes later and I was barreling through the doors of my brother’s bar and marching straight for the back counter where Mattie was working. Squeezing in between Howie and Ralph sitting in their regular spots, I took one quick look around the place. My brother was nowhere in sight. Good. Bobby’d probably just tell me I was being crazy and kick me out if he heard me.
    “Mattie!”
    He looked up from the beer cooler, two bottles in hand. “Joss, what’s up?” He placed the drinks down on the counter to replace two empty ones and then strolled over to meet me.
    “I need a favor. I need you to marry me.” Shit. I was being crazy.
    Mattie snorted. “That’s a pretty big fucking favor.”
    My face gave way to a pained expression. “I know. I wouldn’t ask, except Travis is back and he’s fighting me for Wyatt again. Apparently, he went and got all cleaned up while he was gone. He’s fucking flawless on paper. Good job. Married with kids! I need to level the playing field.”
    Mattie flipped his bar rag onto his shoulder and leaned over the counter so he wouldn’t have to shout. “Look, Joss. I get what you’re saying, and if things were different I totally would. But I can’t marry you.”
    “Why not?” I sounded like a petulant child who’d been denied dessert.
    “Because,” he shrugged like it was obvious, “Bree.”
    Right around then was when I abandoned all reason and flew completely off the handle. “What do you mean you can’t marry me because of Bree? You two have been dating for like two seconds. You and I have been friends for eight years!”
    Mattie’s eyes went wide. I was pretty sure I’d scared him a little with my outburst. Maybe a lot, judging by the way he was moving his rag from his shoulder to hang from his belt in front of his crotch.
    “It’s not that,” he hissed, “Bree’s pregnant. Just found out yesterday.”
    Any normal person would have offered a congratulatory handshake at this point. But I was no normal person. Clearly. “Are you fucking kidding me? What is so hard about strapping on a motherfucking condom, Mattie?”
    I was well on my way to alienating one of my oldest friends.
    “Shit, Joss. Excuse me for having a kid of my own and not being able to help you with yours.”
    Then, out of nowhere, or rather, two seats over, I heard, “I’ll do it.”
    Derek. I hadn’t even seen him before now. I leaned back to get a better look at his face. “You’ll do what?”
    He was turned sideways in his barstool, Heineken bottle in hand. “I’ll marry you.”
    I was stumped. “You want to marry me?”
    Keeping with his casual tone, Derek nodded to confirm. “I do. Tomorrow morning good for you?”
    Still talking over Howard, who was placed uncomfortably between us, I threw one hand up on my hip and squinted suspiciously. “Why?”
    “Well, the courthouse is closed for the day and I have a job in the afternoon, so I really only have the morning. Unless you want to wait until Thursday...” He was explaining everything so matter-of-factly, I had no choice but to conclude he was even crazier than I was. This had bad idea written all over it.
    “No, not why tomorrow morning. Why do you want to marry me?” I had a lot of nerve using a tone that suggested he was the one sitting in the mental ward, but then, nerve