Unidentified Funny Objects 2 by Robert Silverberg, Jim C. Hines, Jody Lynn Nye, Mike Resnick, Ken Liu, Tim Pratt, Esther Frisner
Authors: Robert Silverberg, Jim C. Hines, Jody Lynn Nye, Mike Resnick, Ken Liu, Tim Pratt, Esther Frisner
Ads: Link
Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Subject: RE: RE: Item Not As Described
Dear Customer Support Golem,
Have I double-checked the listing? In case you failed to notice, I am called Vaenala the Unbound, not Vaenala the Uneducated. The listing was a weeping font of lies from top to bottom, and that didn't change with a second reading.
And yes, I held parley with the blithering clod and got what I might have expected from one who would seek to prey on the Unbound One: pure idiocy. So no, "responsive" is not quite the word I'd use. I've forwarded a copy of our exchange along with this message. You be the judge.
~ Vaenala
From: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
To: Vaenala the Unbound
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Item Not As Described
Hi Vaenala,
This is Brian from customer support. I just wanted to let you know that I've escalated your case to our resolution center and you should be hearing back from us soon.
Also, it may interest you to know that our server handles all automated replies from us. Bid-o-Mancy strives to comply with the laws and legal restrictions of the realm, and as such does not employ golems of any kind.
Thank you,
Brian
Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Twice Awarded "Best in Customer Service for the Dark Arts" by Yrrgoth and Associates
From: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
To: Kobe Thompson
Subject: Support Case #58632 (DO NOT REPLY)
Dear Mr. Thompson,
On Yogsmorn, Seventh Day of the Reaping, you sold item #931179, "LOST BLADE OF CRAGTHOR—GENUINE!!!" at auction. Unfortunately, the buyer has opened a support case regarding this transaction, which has been escalated to our resolution center.
Upon reviewing the transaction in question, as well as the subsequent correspondence between yourself and the buyer, we have ruled in the buyer's favor on this matter. A full refund has been issued from your account and the buyer may be supplied with a return label at your expense.
In addition, the customer service representative assigned to this case has found your auction listing to be in violation of Bid-o-Mancy's terms of service agreement. In accordance with the terms you agreed to upon the creation of your account, all auctions and transactions currently active on your profile will be suspended, your account and username will be banned from our services going forward, and the celestial firehounds of Lythrathyl will be commissioned to devour your earthly flesh. The amount of flesh to be devoured is based upon the severity of the violation as determined by the customer support representative assigned to this case. You will find a rough estimate of that amount in the box below:
[99 %]
If you have any questions regarding the resolution of this case, do not reply to this message. You may use the correspondence form on our customer support page (please supply the case number with any correspondence).
Thank you,
Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Twice Awarded "Best in Customer Service for the Dark Arts" by Yrrgoth and Associates
From: Kobe Thompson
To: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Subject: RE: Support Case #58632 (DO NOT REPLY)
wait what
From: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
To: Vaenala the Unbound
Subject: Support Case #58632 (DO NOT REPLY)
Dear Ms. The Unbound,
Good news! The customer support representative assigned to this case has ruled in your favor. A full refund, including the purchase price plus shipping has been credited to your account.
In addition, the customer support representative estimates the seller is likely to perish from his or her injuries following standard punitive action. If you have any interest in obtaining the seller's remains for necromantic or alchemical purposes, you will have the exclusive opportunity to purchase them at a discounted rate following mystic appraisal. We hope this will
Subject: RE: RE: Item Not As Described
Dear Customer Support Golem,
Have I double-checked the listing? In case you failed to notice, I am called Vaenala the Unbound, not Vaenala the Uneducated. The listing was a weeping font of lies from top to bottom, and that didn't change with a second reading.
And yes, I held parley with the blithering clod and got what I might have expected from one who would seek to prey on the Unbound One: pure idiocy. So no, "responsive" is not quite the word I'd use. I've forwarded a copy of our exchange along with this message. You be the judge.
~ Vaenala
From: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
To: Vaenala the Unbound
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Item Not As Described
Hi Vaenala,
This is Brian from customer support. I just wanted to let you know that I've escalated your case to our resolution center and you should be hearing back from us soon.
Also, it may interest you to know that our server handles all automated replies from us. Bid-o-Mancy strives to comply with the laws and legal restrictions of the realm, and as such does not employ golems of any kind.
Thank you,
Brian
Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Twice Awarded "Best in Customer Service for the Dark Arts" by Yrrgoth and Associates
From: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
To: Kobe Thompson
Subject: Support Case #58632 (DO NOT REPLY)
Dear Mr. Thompson,
On Yogsmorn, Seventh Day of the Reaping, you sold item #931179, "LOST BLADE OF CRAGTHOR—GENUINE!!!" at auction. Unfortunately, the buyer has opened a support case regarding this transaction, which has been escalated to our resolution center.
Upon reviewing the transaction in question, as well as the subsequent correspondence between yourself and the buyer, we have ruled in the buyer's favor on this matter. A full refund has been issued from your account and the buyer may be supplied with a return label at your expense.
In addition, the customer service representative assigned to this case has found your auction listing to be in violation of Bid-o-Mancy's terms of service agreement. In accordance with the terms you agreed to upon the creation of your account, all auctions and transactions currently active on your profile will be suspended, your account and username will be banned from our services going forward, and the celestial firehounds of Lythrathyl will be commissioned to devour your earthly flesh. The amount of flesh to be devoured is based upon the severity of the violation as determined by the customer support representative assigned to this case. You will find a rough estimate of that amount in the box below:
[99 %]
If you have any questions regarding the resolution of this case, do not reply to this message. You may use the correspondence form on our customer support page (please supply the case number with any correspondence).
Thank you,
Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Twice Awarded "Best in Customer Service for the Dark Arts" by Yrrgoth and Associates
From: Kobe Thompson
To: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
Subject: RE: Support Case #58632 (DO NOT REPLY)
wait what
From: Bid-o-Mancy Customer Support
To: Vaenala the Unbound
Subject: Support Case #58632 (DO NOT REPLY)
Dear Ms. The Unbound,
Good news! The customer support representative assigned to this case has ruled in your favor. A full refund, including the purchase price plus shipping has been credited to your account.
In addition, the customer support representative estimates the seller is likely to perish from his or her injuries following standard punitive action. If you have any interest in obtaining the seller's remains for necromantic or alchemical purposes, you will have the exclusive opportunity to purchase them at a discounted rate following mystic appraisal. We hope this will
Similar Books
