yet.”
“Oh, bullshit, Taggart. You’ve taken long enough to wallow in your own self-pity; it’s not fair to Ronnie and the gang to keep them from the spotlight. This isn’t just your career we’re dealing with now.” Leave it to my dad to hold no punches. I plopped myself on the couch, taking Mara with me. I was still holding her hand, so she had no choice. “I know this hideous accident has knocked you for a loop, but your mom has been coddling you for way too friggin’ long. Get over it, Taggart and get back to what you were born to do.”
I looked at Ronnie with pleading eyes. He still had that smirk on his face. I shook my head; I felt betrayed. “Did you put him up to this, Ron?”
Ronnie sat down on the chair behind him. “He put me up to it, man; but we’re gettin’ nowhere with you. It’s been seven years guy. Seven years since we produced anything. Don’t you miss it, Tagg? Don’t you miss the music?”
Of course I did. “Of course I do.” I turned to look at Mara. I was feeling vulnerable and I needed her for reassurance. She was looking at me and she gave me her sweet, almost smile. She squeezed my hand, as if to say, I’m here. This gave me strength; I wasn’t surprised.
“C’mon man. We need you. We’re ready to get out there again and we would rather not do it without you.”
This did take me by surprise. “What?”
“Matty, Johnny and Me, we’re getting back out there. We want you with us, but we’ll do it without you.”
“It’s my band, man. Holland is my gig; I brought you into it, don’t forget that.” This was making me seriously angry. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back out there, but I sincerely hoped they wouldn’t stab me in the back and find a new lead singer.
My father stepped in as usual. He’d been pacing my living room the whole time. “Holland’s not just your name, Taggart. I gave it to you.”
What? “What? What are you saying?” But I knew exactly what he was saying. “You are an asshole, Auggie. You are a complete and fricking asshole.” I enunciated each and every word. I felt Mara’s hand tighten around mine. I’m sure she felt me trembling. I couldn’t keep from shaking. My father was willing to take my place as the lead singer in my band. I leaned my head back against the couch. Mara’s other hand reached across her body to rub my arm. I closed my eyes to let this calm me. My breathing steadied as I matched the pace in which she moved her hand up and down my arm.
“Look Taggart,” Dad was going to finish me off, I was sure of that. “I don’t want to take your place. You’re right, you are Holland. You are the one your guys want. Shit, you're the only one the fans will want to see singing up there. But, I understand these guys. The music’s in their blood. Hell, I didn’t quit performing until a few years ago, why should they? You guys are young. Shit, you may be nearing your forties, but look at all the old-timers up there kicking the young bands’ asses. Bon Jovi’s still rocking and still on top, man. Springsteen, The Eagles, they’re all still struttin’ their stuff and producing the best music of their careers. What happened to you back then, well, that just sucks. It does. But it shouldn’t be stopping you from living man. It shouldn’t have been the end of your career.”
I couldn’t respond to that. Not right away. So, Ronnie did. “Tagg, I know this is hard for you. I wanted to be there for you too. You wouldn’t let me. Maybe, just maybe if you had let me, you could have been over this already.”
I sat up straight. “I will never be over this, Ronnie.” But that was all I could say. I felt Mara’s hand loosen a little and I didn’t like that. It didn’t make sense. She was letting me know that she was there for me, by the touch of her small hand. Why would she loosen
“Oh, bullshit, Taggart. You’ve taken long enough to wallow in your own self-pity; it’s not fair to Ronnie and the gang to keep them from the spotlight. This isn’t just your career we’re dealing with now.” Leave it to my dad to hold no punches. I plopped myself on the couch, taking Mara with me. I was still holding her hand, so she had no choice. “I know this hideous accident has knocked you for a loop, but your mom has been coddling you for way too friggin’ long. Get over it, Taggart and get back to what you were born to do.”
I looked at Ronnie with pleading eyes. He still had that smirk on his face. I shook my head; I felt betrayed. “Did you put him up to this, Ron?”
Ronnie sat down on the chair behind him. “He put me up to it, man; but we’re gettin’ nowhere with you. It’s been seven years guy. Seven years since we produced anything. Don’t you miss it, Tagg? Don’t you miss the music?”
Of course I did. “Of course I do.” I turned to look at Mara. I was feeling vulnerable and I needed her for reassurance. She was looking at me and she gave me her sweet, almost smile. She squeezed my hand, as if to say, I’m here. This gave me strength; I wasn’t surprised.
“C’mon man. We need you. We’re ready to get out there again and we would rather not do it without you.”
This did take me by surprise. “What?”
“Matty, Johnny and Me, we’re getting back out there. We want you with us, but we’ll do it without you.”
“It’s my band, man. Holland is my gig; I brought you into it, don’t forget that.” This was making me seriously angry. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back out there, but I sincerely hoped they wouldn’t stab me in the back and find a new lead singer.
My father stepped in as usual. He’d been pacing my living room the whole time. “Holland’s not just your name, Taggart. I gave it to you.”
What? “What? What are you saying?” But I knew exactly what he was saying. “You are an asshole, Auggie. You are a complete and fricking asshole.” I enunciated each and every word. I felt Mara’s hand tighten around mine. I’m sure she felt me trembling. I couldn’t keep from shaking. My father was willing to take my place as the lead singer in my band. I leaned my head back against the couch. Mara’s other hand reached across her body to rub my arm. I closed my eyes to let this calm me. My breathing steadied as I matched the pace in which she moved her hand up and down my arm.
“Look Taggart,” Dad was going to finish me off, I was sure of that. “I don’t want to take your place. You’re right, you are Holland. You are the one your guys want. Shit, you're the only one the fans will want to see singing up there. But, I understand these guys. The music’s in their blood. Hell, I didn’t quit performing until a few years ago, why should they? You guys are young. Shit, you may be nearing your forties, but look at all the old-timers up there kicking the young bands’ asses. Bon Jovi’s still rocking and still on top, man. Springsteen, The Eagles, they’re all still struttin’ their stuff and producing the best music of their careers. What happened to you back then, well, that just sucks. It does. But it shouldn’t be stopping you from living man. It shouldn’t have been the end of your career.”
I couldn’t respond to that. Not right away. So, Ronnie did. “Tagg, I know this is hard for you. I wanted to be there for you too. You wouldn’t let me. Maybe, just maybe if you had let me, you could have been over this already.”
I sat up straight. “I will never be over this, Ronnie.” But that was all I could say. I felt Mara’s hand loosen a little and I didn’t like that. It didn’t make sense. She was letting me know that she was there for me, by the touch of her small hand. Why would she loosen
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