why risk losing something in the translation when we can get the real thing?”
“ You mean he’s got a featured role in your movie? Just like that? Doesn’t he have to have some kind of screen actor’s guild membership?”
“ Don’t be silly. This is a low budget non-union production, so ‘he don’t need no stinkin’ SAG card.’ We can even put you in the movie as one of the lawyers if you want. How about it? Wanna be a star?”
Of all the things in the world that I’m not interested in being, movie actor is right at the top. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why people from all over the world gravitate to California for some chance to be in the movies. There must be tens of thousands of wannabee actors out here, and the odds of any of them making it big in the movies is probably worse than their chance of winning the lottery.
If you want a screenplay or an actor, all you have to do is go into any Los Angeles restaurant. Every waiter has a screenplay in the trunk of his car, and the waitresses are all in between acting jobs.
Some of them actually make it, because if you ever watch those celebrity interviews, it seems like every one of them waited on tables at one time in their life. That’s where we differ: I’ve never waited on tables, have never written a screenplay, and do not want to be in the movies. Therefore, I respectfully decline Joe Caulfield’s generous offer of fame and fortune, and leave the acting to Tony the cop.
*****
Back at the Marina I see Tony leaving our boat.
“ I understand that you’re now going to be a movie star, Tony.”
“ Yeah, isn’t that something? You know, that guy Joe Caulfield is a lot smarter than he looks.”
“ You mean for a guy with black skin? What impressed you about him? Discovering that he can read and write?”
“ Very funny, but that’s not it. We were discussing various police procedures, and there’s nothing I could mention that he didn’t seem to already know about - even the different methods of suspect interrogation. He knew about all of ‘em, including the Hypothetical Story, the Psychological Approach, the Cold Shoulder, Who Talks First, Playing Down the Offense, Mutt & Jeff…”
“ Wait a minute. What’s Mutt & Jeff? Two cops of different sizes?”
“ Close. That’s the technical description for the good-cop, bad-cop routine. He knew ‘em all. He doesn’t need a consultant on that stuff. He must’ve had some law enforcement training in his past.”
“ Or probably some experience working on cops and robber movies. Well, that’s neither here nor there. The important thing is that you’ve got a steady job now for the next couple of weeks, and that the two of you seemed to have gotten along.”
“ How do you know we got along?”
“ Because I just left his office. He’s black, and still alive.”
“ By the way counselor… can he really read and write?”
That’s a surprise. Tony the cop actually has a sense of humor. It may be a little on the sick side, but it’s still there. In a show of gratitude for getting him the job, he offers to buy me dinner at that same Mexican restaurant we went to last time. I take a rain check that I never intend to cash. There’s less chance of gunfire tonight with Myra, although you never can tell what mood she’ll be in.
*****
Pollo Meshuga is in a building that looks like a Japanese Pagoda. That’s probably because they took the location over after a Benihana restaurant moved out.
As usual I’m at least thirty minutes early, so when Myra comes in, her favorite flavored Patrón margarita is waiting on the table. Because this place is a walking distance from my boat, there’s no need to drive and no need to abstain, so I’ve already had a few and am feeling no pain. I always like to anesthetize myself a little when Myra is around. It eases the pain of her sharp criticism.
I see her come in the front door and she looks as good as ever, but in a more conservative way. No more
“ You mean he’s got a featured role in your movie? Just like that? Doesn’t he have to have some kind of screen actor’s guild membership?”
“ Don’t be silly. This is a low budget non-union production, so ‘he don’t need no stinkin’ SAG card.’ We can even put you in the movie as one of the lawyers if you want. How about it? Wanna be a star?”
Of all the things in the world that I’m not interested in being, movie actor is right at the top. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why people from all over the world gravitate to California for some chance to be in the movies. There must be tens of thousands of wannabee actors out here, and the odds of any of them making it big in the movies is probably worse than their chance of winning the lottery.
If you want a screenplay or an actor, all you have to do is go into any Los Angeles restaurant. Every waiter has a screenplay in the trunk of his car, and the waitresses are all in between acting jobs.
Some of them actually make it, because if you ever watch those celebrity interviews, it seems like every one of them waited on tables at one time in their life. That’s where we differ: I’ve never waited on tables, have never written a screenplay, and do not want to be in the movies. Therefore, I respectfully decline Joe Caulfield’s generous offer of fame and fortune, and leave the acting to Tony the cop.
*****
Back at the Marina I see Tony leaving our boat.
“ I understand that you’re now going to be a movie star, Tony.”
“ Yeah, isn’t that something? You know, that guy Joe Caulfield is a lot smarter than he looks.”
“ You mean for a guy with black skin? What impressed you about him? Discovering that he can read and write?”
“ Very funny, but that’s not it. We were discussing various police procedures, and there’s nothing I could mention that he didn’t seem to already know about - even the different methods of suspect interrogation. He knew about all of ‘em, including the Hypothetical Story, the Psychological Approach, the Cold Shoulder, Who Talks First, Playing Down the Offense, Mutt & Jeff…”
“ Wait a minute. What’s Mutt & Jeff? Two cops of different sizes?”
“ Close. That’s the technical description for the good-cop, bad-cop routine. He knew ‘em all. He doesn’t need a consultant on that stuff. He must’ve had some law enforcement training in his past.”
“ Or probably some experience working on cops and robber movies. Well, that’s neither here nor there. The important thing is that you’ve got a steady job now for the next couple of weeks, and that the two of you seemed to have gotten along.”
“ How do you know we got along?”
“ Because I just left his office. He’s black, and still alive.”
“ By the way counselor… can he really read and write?”
That’s a surprise. Tony the cop actually has a sense of humor. It may be a little on the sick side, but it’s still there. In a show of gratitude for getting him the job, he offers to buy me dinner at that same Mexican restaurant we went to last time. I take a rain check that I never intend to cash. There’s less chance of gunfire tonight with Myra, although you never can tell what mood she’ll be in.
*****
Pollo Meshuga is in a building that looks like a Japanese Pagoda. That’s probably because they took the location over after a Benihana restaurant moved out.
As usual I’m at least thirty minutes early, so when Myra comes in, her favorite flavored Patrón margarita is waiting on the table. Because this place is a walking distance from my boat, there’s no need to drive and no need to abstain, so I’ve already had a few and am feeling no pain. I always like to anesthetize myself a little when Myra is around. It eases the pain of her sharp criticism.
I see her come in the front door and she looks as good as ever, but in a more conservative way. No more
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