cell phone number on her caller ID. “Darnel? Is that you?”
I thought about hanging up. I couldn’t make myself speak, but I sure knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her how much I hated her, how she was a slut and was going to burn in hell for what she’d done to me. I just didn’t have the guts.
“I … I just wanna know …” My voice was timid and hesitant, and I hated myself for sounding so weak. “I just wanna know why.”
“Why what, Darnel?” Her tone was not confrontational, but her question angered me nonetheless. I couldn’t believe she was acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about. Like this whole thing was some figment of my imagination.
Suddenly I found my strength. I exploded, my voice pure bass now. “Why the hell did you do me like that?”
As I waited for her to respond, I could hear quiet whimpers on the other end of the phone. Why she was crying was beyond me. I was the one who should be crying. I was the one who was done wrong.
“I’m sorry, Darnel,” she managed to speak through her sobs. If she were anyone else, I might have felt sorry for her.
“Naw, you ain’t. You ain’t sorry about shit.”
“Yes, I am. Please, baby, please forgive me. I made a mistake.”
“A mistake? That wasn’t a mistake. That was Omar. That was my best friend.” I tried not to cry, but I was so angry that I couldn’t hold back the tears.
“If I could do it all over again …”
It was too late for regrets as far as I was concerned. “I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate your ass.”
Her sobs became louder. When she was finally able to speak, she said, “I know. But I still love you.”
I wanted to spew more venom at her, but her words and the sincerity in her voice sent me back to the past ten years of our relationship. I was so glad I was on the phone, because I did not want her to read my true feelings in my body language. I didn’t want her to know what I was thinking:
I still love you too.
The only thing that stopped me from saying it out loud was that I hated her just as much as I loved her.
“Darnel, it was a mistake, a big mistake.”
I allowed my pain to banish the sentimental feelings I ’d had a moment ago. “Oh, I see. Omar’s dick just mistakenly fell into your pussy. That kinda crap happens all the time. What the hell am I pissed off about?” I asked sarcastically.
“I was drunk. I know it was stupid. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“You weren’t? That wasn’t some dude you met in a bar. That was Omar. You fucked Omar, my boy.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m not perfect like you, Darnel. Real people make mistakes. Can’t you just forgive me? I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
“I just want to know one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Why?” We were back to the original question. “I wanna know why you did it.”
It took her quite a while to speak up, and even then she still didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know, Darnel. I’m just stupid. Maybe I should just kill myself.”
“That’s not funny.” I had never known Keisha to play games like this, but she was obviously not the person I once thought she was. Now she had sunk low enough to fake suicidal thoughts just to gain my sympathy.
“I’m not laughing,” she insisted. “Everyone hates me. You hate me. Your family hates me. My mother and father hate me. I don’t have any reason to live.”
“Like I do? I’m the one who should be killing myself. But it has to be about you, doesn’t it, Keisha? Well, then, fuck it. Go ’head and kill yourself.” I had decided to call her bluff, but she wasn’t about to back down.
“You know what?” she responded. “Bye, Darnel. See you next lifetime.”
I stared at my cell in disbelief. The screen read CALL DISCONNECTED. She had actually hung up on me. Was she really going to go through with it? I know what I ’d said, but the last thing I wanted her to do was commit suicide. I hit the TALK button to redial
I thought about hanging up. I couldn’t make myself speak, but I sure knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her how much I hated her, how she was a slut and was going to burn in hell for what she’d done to me. I just didn’t have the guts.
“I … I just wanna know …” My voice was timid and hesitant, and I hated myself for sounding so weak. “I just wanna know why.”
“Why what, Darnel?” Her tone was not confrontational, but her question angered me nonetheless. I couldn’t believe she was acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about. Like this whole thing was some figment of my imagination.
Suddenly I found my strength. I exploded, my voice pure bass now. “Why the hell did you do me like that?”
As I waited for her to respond, I could hear quiet whimpers on the other end of the phone. Why she was crying was beyond me. I was the one who should be crying. I was the one who was done wrong.
“I’m sorry, Darnel,” she managed to speak through her sobs. If she were anyone else, I might have felt sorry for her.
“Naw, you ain’t. You ain’t sorry about shit.”
“Yes, I am. Please, baby, please forgive me. I made a mistake.”
“A mistake? That wasn’t a mistake. That was Omar. That was my best friend.” I tried not to cry, but I was so angry that I couldn’t hold back the tears.
“If I could do it all over again …”
It was too late for regrets as far as I was concerned. “I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate your ass.”
Her sobs became louder. When she was finally able to speak, she said, “I know. But I still love you.”
I wanted to spew more venom at her, but her words and the sincerity in her voice sent me back to the past ten years of our relationship. I was so glad I was on the phone, because I did not want her to read my true feelings in my body language. I didn’t want her to know what I was thinking:
I still love you too.
The only thing that stopped me from saying it out loud was that I hated her just as much as I loved her.
“Darnel, it was a mistake, a big mistake.”
I allowed my pain to banish the sentimental feelings I ’d had a moment ago. “Oh, I see. Omar’s dick just mistakenly fell into your pussy. That kinda crap happens all the time. What the hell am I pissed off about?” I asked sarcastically.
“I was drunk. I know it was stupid. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“You weren’t? That wasn’t some dude you met in a bar. That was Omar. You fucked Omar, my boy.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m not perfect like you, Darnel. Real people make mistakes. Can’t you just forgive me? I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
“I just want to know one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Why?” We were back to the original question. “I wanna know why you did it.”
It took her quite a while to speak up, and even then she still didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know, Darnel. I’m just stupid. Maybe I should just kill myself.”
“That’s not funny.” I had never known Keisha to play games like this, but she was obviously not the person I once thought she was. Now she had sunk low enough to fake suicidal thoughts just to gain my sympathy.
“I’m not laughing,” she insisted. “Everyone hates me. You hate me. Your family hates me. My mother and father hate me. I don’t have any reason to live.”
“Like I do? I’m the one who should be killing myself. But it has to be about you, doesn’t it, Keisha? Well, then, fuck it. Go ’head and kill yourself.” I had decided to call her bluff, but she wasn’t about to back down.
“You know what?” she responded. “Bye, Darnel. See you next lifetime.”
I stared at my cell in disbelief. The screen read CALL DISCONNECTED. She had actually hung up on me. Was she really going to go through with it? I know what I ’d said, but the last thing I wanted her to do was commit suicide. I hit the TALK button to redial
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