Viral by Emily Mitchell Page A

industry like many of its neighbors but instead has remained indebted to agriculture for much of its economic base. The statute has never been removed from the books, though today it is rarely enforced.
    In Pennsylvania, the mountains are shaped like breasts. This is not discussed by most people or taught in the public schools. The culture of the rural western half of the state tends to be conservative and also to exhibit a great love of birds, fried foods and small boxes. People there are friendly and belligerent at the same time, which is an unusual combination. Good friends greet each other by pretending they are going to punch the other, then drawing back at the last moment. For first-time visitors, this custom can be unnerving. If someone seems like they’re about to punch you during your time in Pennsylvania do not be alarmed; it just means they consider you a friend.
    Pennsylvania is an old state and therefore a sad one. More than two hundred years ago, it was vivisected so it could be made into farms. The houses peel paint, and the little towns, knotted around crossroads, seem often to have forgotten what they wanted to say next. We recommend that you stay in Pennsylvania for only a few days, even if you will be in America for several months, because after that the sadness can begin to diffuse through your skin. If you stay longer, you may find yourself taking photographs of derelict buildings or disused machinery. Or you may start to feel an urge to write a letter to a former lover who left you several years ago, suddenly and without explanation, to tell him about an old harvester you found rusting in the corner of a field. You may feel compelled to write to him because who else would understand how beautiful it is, with the bird’s nest where the driver’s seat once was and the wheels netted in with weeds?
    If this occurs, it means that Pennsylvania has seeped inside you surreptitiously, and it is time to leave.
    The official motto of the state of Pennsylvania is: “When in doubt, breathe but not through your mouth.”
    VERMONT
    Once a year the people of Vermont all go out of their houses and shout “Chimney Witch, Be Gone!” at the top of their lungs. This occurs in early November and is the best time of the year to visit. The tradition originated in the French Acadian culture, which filtered down from the territory that is now Quebec into the state’s remote but beautiful Northeast Kingdom. According to legend, the Chimney Witch squats in the chimneys of unsuspecting householders and prevents St. Nicholas from entering the dwelling unless she is given notice to get out before the first frost. This is the only time that Vermonters shout in public and all of them do it simultaneously at 4:00 p.m. on the first Wednesday of the month. A witty local writer commented, apropos of this practice, that in left-wing Vermont even the evil spirits are given almost two months’ notice before they are evicted from their abodes.
    For people from our country this tradition may seem very strange, since as a rule we dislike loud voices and raucous noise, and our public ceremonies tend to be dignified and quiet. But many visitors say they find the Vermonters’ shouting strangely comforting, especially the way that the sound echoes off the faces of the mountains, which makes it sound like the hills are calling back.
    In America, Vermont is considered unusually liberal, and this outlook is a point of pride for the state. Although there have been some difficulties between longtime residents, who hold more traditional views, and newcomers, most communities have been able to find common ground. The MJ Dairy incident is a case in point. MJD produces the infamous Mary Jane line of cheeses, all of which contain the resin of the cannabis plant among their ingredients and are said to have a mild narcotic effect. When the dairy’s buildings were burned down last year by arsonists, it united libertarians