Visions of Gerard by Jack Kerouac

little wagon of snow ascends to Heaven, Heaven itself becomes vague and in his arm with head bent Gerard is contemplating the perfect ecstasy when his arm is rudely jolted by Sister Marie and he wakes to find himself in a classroom with the sad window-opening pole leaning in the corner and the erasers on the ledges of the blackboards and the surly marks of woe smudged thereon and the Sister’s eyes astonished down on his:
    â€œWell what are you doing Gerard! you’re sleeping!”
    â€œWell I was in Heaven.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œYes Sister Marie, I’ve arrived in Heaven!”
    He jumps up and looks at her straight to tell her the news.
    â€œIt’s your turn to read the catechism!”
    â€œWhere?”
    â€œThere—the chapter—at the end—”
    Automatically he reads the words to please her; while pausing, he looks around at the children; Lo! all the beings involved! And look at the strange sad desks, the wood of them, and the carved marks on them, initials, and the little boy Ouellette (suddenly re-remembered) as usual with the same tranquil unconcern (outwardly) whistling soundlessly into his eraser, and the sun streaming in the high windows showing motes of room-dust—The whole pitiful world is still there! and nobody knows it! the different appearances of the same emptiness everywhere! the ethereal flower of the world!
    â€œMy sister, I saw the Virgin Mary.”
    The nun is stunned: “Where?”
    â€œThere—in a dream, when I slept.”
    She does the sign of the cross.
    â€œAw Gerard, you gave me a start!”
    â€œShe told me come on—and there was a pretty little white wagon with two little lambs to pull it and we started out and we were going to Heaven.”
    â€œ Mon Seigneur !”
    â€œA little white wagon!” echo several children with excitement.
    â€œYes—and two white pigeons on my shoulder—doves—and she asked me ‘Where were you Gerard, we’ve been waiting for you all morning”‘—
    Sister Marie’s mouth is open—“Did you see all this in a dream?—? here now?—in the room.”
    â€œYes my good sister—dont be afraid my good sister, we’re all in Heaven—but we dont know it!”—“Oh,” he laughs, “ we dont know it !”
    â€œFor the love of God!”
    â€œGod fixed all this a long time ago.”
    The bell is ringing announcing the end of the hour, some of the children are already poised to scamper on a word, Sister Marie is so stunned everyone is motionless—Gerard sits again and suddenly over him falls the tight overpowering drowsiness around his heart, as before, and his legs ache and a fever breaks on his brow—He remains in his seat in a trance, hand to brow, looking up minutes later to an empty room save for Soeur Marie and the elder Soeur Caroline who has been summoned—They are staring at him with tenderest respect.
    â€œWill you repeat what you told me to Sister Caroline?”
    â€œYes—but I dont feel good.”
    â€œWhat’s the matter, Gerard?”
    â€œI’m starting to be sick again I guess.”
    â€œWe’ll have to send him home—”
    â€œThey’ll put him to bed like they did last year, like before—He hasnt got much strength, the little one.”
    â€œHe saw Heaven.”
    â€œAh”—shrugging, Sister Caroline—“that”—nodding her head—
    Slowly, at 9:30 o’clock that morning, my mother who’s in the yard with clothespins in her mouth sees him coming down the empty schooltime street, alone, with that lassitude and dragfoot that makes a chill in her heart—
    â€œ Gerard is sick —”
    For the last time coming home from school.
    When Christmas Eve comes a few days later he’s in bed, in the side room downstairs—His legs swell up, his breathing is difficult and painful—The house is