Waiting to Believe by Sandra Bloom

forgot their faces?
    The service was brief. The small congregation filed back to the great room to say their final good-byes. Kenneth motioned to Rose to step forward, but Rose slipped to his side. Finally Kacey came to her mother. “It’s time, Mom. Take care of yourself. Don’t worry about me.” She embraced Rose.
    â€œJust remember, Kacey—”
    Smiling, Kacey put a finger to her mother’s lips. “Shhhh.”
    One by one, the good-byes were spoken. Then, too soon, Kacey heard the bell. The mistress of novices, Mother Mary Bernard, clapped her hands one time. All eyes were instantly on the stern-looking nun. “You have just learned your first lesson as postulants,” she declared. “From this day forth, the ringing of the bell will represent God’s will for you. You will give in to it immediately. Yield fully to its command. You are to stop what you are doing, stop what you are saying, and stop what you are thinking.” Her voice was deep and without inflection, but its effect on the frightened girls was profound.
    On this first day, the bell commanded them to turn from their loved ones. To turn and not look back.
    Kathryn Clare was now a postulant in the Community of the Blessed Sacrament.
    12
    Mother Mary Bernard’s eyes moved from girl to girl. “You will follow me now, to your dormitory rooms.” They did so, walking in silence. Kacey felt her knees trembling. Tears slipped down her pale cheeks.
    In the midst of the others, Kacey sensed the eyes of Mother Mary Bernard on her alone. Self-consciously, she tried to brush away the tears. But now her right eyelid began to twitch as she moved past the dining room, past the study room, to the door of a room where a single, unshaded light bulb hung from the ceiling and five wrought iron beds lined the wall, each with a small pine bedside table.
    â€œThis is the first of our three dorm rooms,” the nun announced. “We’ve assigned beds to you. Listen for your name as I call them off.”
    Perspiration beaded on Kacey’s forehead. A deep churning in her stomach grew more intense. Suddenly she realized she was being summoned. Sister Kathryn. Oh yes, she was now Sister Kathryn and would be until she completed her postulancy.
    â€œSister Kathryn? Where are you? Come forward.”
    Kacey pushed through the group, raising her hand. “Here, Mother Mary Bernard! I’m here.”
    â€œBed four. And let that be the last time I have to call your name twice. You are here to listen. To listen and to learn. You cannot afford to have your mind wandering off. Do you understand me?” Rat-a-tat-tat. The words ricocheted violently inside Kacey’s head.
    â€œYes, Mother Mary.” She stepped to the foot of bed four. Now she allowed her eyes to sweep the stark white room, the most sterile room she had ever seen. Five women in a room with, she noticed, no closets.
    The remaining ten postulants were continuing across the hallway to the next room where the routine was the same. Finally, all fifteen stood at attention at the foot of their beds while the mistress of novices spoke from the middle of the hallway. “Use this time to change from your old clothes into your religious. The bell will call you to the study room shortly. We’ll begin our studies immediately. And remember, silence is the rule!”
    As Kacey opened her trunk, she was confronted by the mistress, who came to stand directly in front of her. “Sister Kathryn, I’m not pleased to see your tears. I’m telling you this one time to cease crying. Your family is gone. Your old life is gone. There is no room for tears in your new life. No reason for them. They must stop immediately!” The brusqueness of the voice left a hissing sound in the air. Kacey could feel the heat of the words in her face.
    Swallowing her tears, she murmured, “Yes, Mother.” The mistress turned and swept from the room, like a